Thursday, December 30, 2010

Eagles/Vikings Note & Some Pool(poop) History

First, a note on the Tuesday Eagles/Vikings game.

I previously mentioned everyone picked the Eagles over Minnesota, so the fact that the Eagles totally shat the bed makes no difference as far as the Week 16 winner or the overall standings in the pool(poop!).  However, I had initially marked the game down as an Eagles win and had given everyone a win for that game.  I went back and changed it to reflect the fact that we all got the game wrong, which is why the more discerning of you will see a change in your overall record.  I assure you, it happened to everyone so your place in the overall standings is secure, as is your place in relation to those around you.  Still, if you have any questions or concerns, as always, please shoot me an email.

Other than that, carry on.

 * * *

If you are like 80% of the pool(poop!) this season you've received a check from Matthew Mariam.  He's the Treasurer-in-Chief and was kind enough to compile some current and historic stats from this and previous pool(poop!)s.  All the stats below are his doing unless noted.

12 different people have won money this year.  That could become 13 if either Zack Klein, Gedeon Mariam, or I happen to win Week 17.  A quick perusal of the previous few weeks shows that we've been close.  Zack and I finished a game out in Week 13, I tied for first but lost in MNP last week, and Gedeon and I were among a group tied for first in Week 12, but again lost on points.

But even if Zack, Gedeon and I don't pull out a Week 17 win, 12 people is the most winners ever in pool(poop!) history.  In 2006 there were 7 money winners, 2009 had 9 (though only 8 WSP winners as Dave Labowitz won overall without winning one WSP), and in 2007 it almost reached this level but not quite with 11 money winners.

Here is how much money we've all won ranked in order of who's won the most

1. Sandy Kory ... $175
2. George Smith ... $140
2. Jon Stover ... $140
4. Josh Money ... $105
5. Bill Denton ... $70
5. Karl Vaillancourt. .. $70
5. John Weaver ... $70
5. Alex Mena ... $70
5. Joey Bansen ... $70
10. Dave Labowitz ... $35
10. Robin Wood ... $35
12. Matthew Kory ... $0
12. Zack Klein ... $0
12. Gedeon Mariam ... $0
 And here are those same payouts for the season ranked in order of current standings:

1. Sandy Kory ... $175
2. Bill Denton ... $70
2. Dave Labowitz ... $35
4. George Smith ... $140
4. Robin Wood ... $35
4. Josh Money ... $105
7. Karl Vaillancourt ... $70
7. John Weaver ... $70
7. Matthew Mariam ... $140
7. Matthew Kory ... $0
7. Jon Stover ... $140
12. Zack Klein ... $0
12. Alex Mena ... $70
14. Joey Bansen ... $70
15. Gedeon Mariam ... $0

I am honored to be the highest ranking person who has won nothing. 

Now some pool history.  Here are the records of the first place winners in the previous pool(poop)s:

2006: Joshu Shih: 158-98
2007: Dave Labowitz: 171-85
2009: Dave Labowitz: 179-77
2010(to date): Sandy Kory: 151-89

There are 16 games this coming week so if Sandy wins 13 of them (a good week) he can beat Dave's record in '07 for the second highest win total.  He's already mathematically eliminated from beating Dave's '09 record though.  Better luck next year.

However, if Sandy or whomever has a tough week, it is possible (though unlikely) the winner won't surpass Joshu's 158 win mark in '06.  That shouldn't happen though. 

As far as winners go, here were the money winners from past Pool(poop!)s:

2009: 1st: Dave Labowitz; 2nd: Jon Stover; 3rd: Gedeon Mariam
2007: 1st: Dave Labowitz; 2nd: Scott Rozsa; 3rd: Bill Denton
2006: 1st: Joshu Shih; 2nd: Joey Bansen; 3rd: Andy Harris

Dave is the only repeat winner on the list as well as the only one to even finish in the money twice. 

We looked at the winners, well, here are the big losers from previous pool(poop!)s.  You may be shocked to see some of the same names as above:

2006: Dave Labowitz: 139-117
2007: Matt Mariam: 154-102
2009: Sandy Kory: 146-110
2010 (current): Gedeon Mariam: 139-111

While Dave has the honor of winning the Pool(poop!) twice and of having its best record, he also has the dishonor of having the worst record ever assembled over a year in any Pool(poop!).  This is assuming that Gedeon will A) remember to turn in his picks this week, and B) actually get at least one game right. 

It should also be noted that this year has been (so far) the closest year of any Pool(poop!). There is currently a 12 game difference between first and last place in the Current Overall Standings (COS). The biggest differential ever between first and last was in 2009 when Dave beat Sandy by 31 total games. Good God. Here are the seasons ranked by biggest difference between first and last:

2009: 31 game difference (Dave Labowitz: 179-77, last Sandy Kory: 146-110)
2006: 19 game difference (Joshu Shih: 158-98, last Dave Labowitz: 139-117)
2007: 17 game difference (Dave Labowitz: 171-85, last Matt Mariam: 154-102)
2010(to date): 12 game difference (Sandy Kory: 151-88, last Gedeon Mariam: 139-110)

Maybe some more garbage like this to come if I feel like it and/or you send me some ideas.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Week 17: Schedule

Remember, there is NO Thursday game, Saturday game, or Monday game.  Week 17 = Olde School.  All games on Sunday, January 2nd, 2011.  I'll need your picks, all your picks, by 1pm EST on Sunday. 

Here is your schedule for Week 17:

Miami at New England
Buffalo at New York Jerks
Oakland at Kansas City
Cincinnati at Baltimore
Minnesota at Detroit
Tampa Bay at New Orleans
Carolina at Atlanta
Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Jacksonville at Houston
New York "Chain Smoking" Giants at Washington
Arizona at San Francisco
San Diego at Denver
Chicago at Green Bay
Dallas at Philadelphia
Tennessee at Indianapolis
St. Louis at Seattle (plus total points)

Happy Holidays to you all.

Week 16: Results & Refresher

As you may or may not be aware, this week's Weekly Standard Prize came down to two men. Or one man and one overgrown idiot-boy who runs this pool(poop!). Anyway, I picked New Orleans and Bill picked Atlanta. If Atlanta won then Bill won the WSP straight up. If New Orleans won (they did) then we'd tie in games won at 12 and it would go down to Monday Night Points! Again!

Bill picked 47 and I chose 51 meaning if the total points scored was 50 or less, Bill won, which is exactly what happened. I am drowning my sorrows in Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale. I recommend it for sorrow drowning.

Anyway, congratulations to Bill Denton, the winner of Week 16, and as such, this week's Big Wiener! Bill wins a copy of Jaimie Farr's autobiography, entitled "Please, I Beg Of You, Buy This Book! I Badly Need The Money!" My favorite is chapter seven, where Farr lists the names he was considering for his pet gerbil, who keeps getting out of his cage and pooping under the fridge. Name #47: King Gustav turned out to be the winner. Riveting stuff.

Here is your final standings for Week 16:

1. Bill Denton ... 12-4
1. Matthew Kory ... 12-4 (DAMMIT! I get nothing and don't like it.)
3. Alex Mena ... 11-5
3. George Smith ... 11-5
3. Sandy Kory ... 11-5
6. Jon Stover ... 10-6
6. Karl Vaillancourt ... 10-6
6. Robin Wood ... 10-6
6. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
6. John Weaver ... 10-6
11. Matthew Mariam ... 9-7
12. Josh Money ... 8-8
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 8-8
14. Zack Klein ... 7-9
15. Joey Bansen ... 6-10

As far as the Current Overall Standings go, the big winners this week were Sandy and Bill.  Sandy picked up two games on the pool, extending his lead over second place from one to three games.  That's impressive.  A three game lead with one week to go, though?  That's called pressure.  Can't you feel it pulsing through your veins?  Don't pick Miami... Don't pick Miami....

Bill managed to hopscotch from a four way tie for fifth into a two way tie for second.  He pulled himself from well out of the money to well in it.  That's called improvement.  As for the other top finisher this week, despite tying for the week's best record, I only picked up one game on the field.  BOOOO!!!!

George Smith and Robin Wood both had good weeks and are hanging within striking distance of the money.  A good week by either could thrust them into the the top three.  And of course, Dave Labowitz, kept on keeping on.  Dave managed to remain in the money tied for second, three games back.  Its shaping up to be an exciting race. 

Here is your Current Overall Standings (COS):

1. Sandy Kory ... 152-88
2. Bill Denton ... 149-91
2. Dave Labowitz ... 149-91
4. George Smith ... 148-92
4. Robin Wood ... 148-92
4. Josh Money ... 148-92
7. Karl Vaillancourt ... 146-94
7. John Weaver ... 146-94
7. Matthew Mariam ... 146-94
10. Matthew Kory ... 146-94
10. Jon Stover ... 146-94
12. Zack Klein ... 144-96
12. Alex Mena ... 144-96
14. Joey Bansen ... 141-99
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 140-100

A little refresher on the money situation is probably in order here.  In short, the top three finishers win money.  If you're curious exactly how the money will be broken down including possible tie breakers, I posted about it at the beginning of the season.  You can read up on it here.  If you have questions just shoot me an email.

The one thing that wasn't correct in that post was the total amount of money in the pool.  George Smith hadn't yet joined so his money isn't counted in the overall total in that post.  It will be below.

If my math is correct, and I believe it is (Matt Mariam, please check me to be sure), this is how all the the money was and will be distributed.

We had 15 people play at $125 a piece. That's a total pool of $1,875.  We gave out $70 per week as the WSP, so 17 weeks X $70 per week = $1,190. That leaves $685 for the top three finishers ($1,175 - $1,190 = $685).

Previously I had posted that the money would be broken down as 1st: $290; 2nd: $180; 3rd: $90; but that was before George entered the pool.  Thus, the money shall be broken down as follows:

First Finisher: $335
Second Finisher: $225
Third Finisher: $125

Again, Matt Mariam, check my math, but I believe $335 + $225 + $125 = $685. 

If the season ended today,  Sandy Kory would be your first finisher and would win the first place prize of $335.  Bill Denton and Dave Labowitz (NOOOOO!!!!) would be tied for second place, and as such we would add the second and third finisher totals ($225 + $125 = $350) and split it down the middle.  Each would win $175. 

BUT!  There's another week to go, folks.  Six people are within four games of first place and eleven people are within six games, so its really anyone's race. This thing isn't close to done yet.

Keep in mind, there IS NO THURSDAY OR SATURDAY GAME THIS WEEK.  All games are on Sunday, so please send in all your picks at once by the start of game time, 1pm EST this coming Sunday, January 2nd 2011.

Also, there is no Monday night game so we'll be using the Sunday night game as the designated points game.  It shall be so designated in the schedule post.  Back soon with the schedule for Week 17.

Best of luck to you all.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Week 16: Update

Caveat: Is there anyone on the planet or even in the pool(poop!) who thinks the Vikings will beat the Eagles on Tuesday night?  No...?  Didn't think so.  I'm gonna go ahead and count that one as an Eagles win, which actually doesn't matter as far as the Current Overall Standings (COS) goes anyway because everyone in the Pool(poop!) rightly picked Philadelphia. 

With that caveat, here's how Week 16 is progressing.  With the help of Tim Tebow, Bill Denton leads the field at 12-3.  Two people are behind BLLLEAAAAAAARG!!!  I HATE mushrooms on pizza!!  Nothing worse than thinking you disposed of all the nasty fungi and you take a big delicious bite and end up with a mouthful with the consistency of Styrofoam and the flavor dirt mixed with turd.  GOD I hate mushrooms.... 

[5 minute horking break]

At 12-3, Bill is a game up on two people.  One is Alex Mena, his partner in Cowboys-hating crime down in Dallas.  The other is my lame buttocks.  But, both Bill and Alex have Atlanta over New Orleans on Monday night, so Alex can't make up the necessary game on Bill.  So Alex is out.  On the other hand, I went with New Orleans, thus making it a two man race.  Or if you don't count me as a full man, a one point five man race. 

If Atlanta wins on Monday night, Bill wins the week.  But, if New Orleans wins, Bill and I will be tied with 12 wins.  Which means... (pause for building suspense)... it'll come down to... MONDAY NIGHT POINTS!!!  Bill picked 47 and I went with 51.  Remembering that we do Price Is Right rules here at MFSAFP(p!), that means if the final score total adds up to anything less than 51, Bill wins.  If its 51 or over, I'll be your Big Wiener this week.

Back tomorrow with the results for Week 16, the Current Overall Standings, and the schedule for the final week of the NFL season. 

Good luck to me! 

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Week 16: Schedule

Keep yr pants on, here's your schedule for Week 16.

Thursday Night

Carolina at Pittsburgh

Saturday, Sunday & Monday

Dallas at Arizona
New York Jerks at Chicago
New England at Buffalo
Detroit at Miami
Washington at Jacksonville
San Francisco at St. Louis
Baltimore at Cleveland
Tennessee at Kansas City
Houston at Denver
Indianapolis at Oakland
San Diego at Cincinnati
Seattle at Tampa Bay
New York "Grotesque Over-Development" Giants at Green Bay
Minnesota at Philadelphia
New Orleans at Atlanta (plus total points)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Week 15: Results

If you read last night's update you'd know that this week's winner of the WSP was decided before the Monday night game was ever played.  That is a rarity here at Matty's Fifth Semi-Annual Football Pool(poop!)!, yet it happened. The winners who were already announced were and are Sandy Kory and Josh Money who through what can only be some secret mind meld picked the same number of total points thereby ensuring they split the WSP down the middle. 

Congrats to both Josh and Sandy who have the unfortunate job of somehow splitting this week's WSP: Lady Gaga. 

Here are the final standings for Week 15:

1. Sandy Kory ... 12-4
1. Josh Money ... 12-4
3. Jon Stover ... 11-5
3. Robin Wood ... 11-5
3. Bill Denton ... 11-5
6. George Smith ... 10-6
6. Gedeon Mariam ... 10-6
6. Matthew Mariam ... 10-6
6. Joey Bansen ... 10-6
10. Dave Labowitz ... 8-8
10. Karl Vaillancourt ... 8-8
12. Matthew Kory ... 7-9
12. Alex Mena ... 7-9
12. John Weaver ... 7-9
15. Zack Klein ... 6-10

There has been what I'll gently call a fucking sea change in the standings since last week.  Sandy Kory has jumped past both Dave Labowitz and Zack Klein into first place by his lonesome.  Poor Zack forgot to send in his picks until it was too late and as such took the worst record minus one.  Still, he's really not that bad off at only four out.  His main problem is he has to jump over the surprising Robin Wood and Dave to get into the money. 

Robin, by the way, deserves her own paragraph.  She has been the best player here in the pool over the past five weeks.  In Week 9 Robin was tied for 13th place, two games out of last.  In Week 10, she fell to 14th place, a game out of last place.  I wrote her off at that point, but just five weeks later she's three games out of first and a game out of the money.  Incredible job, Robin.  

There are only two weeks left in the football season, and thus only two weeks left in MFSAFP(p!)!. We are getting down to the wire here, folks.  We'll save the tears for a few weeks from now, but this is your reminder to collect your shit and, as any good monkey would do, hurl it at the wall in attempt to push your way up the standings. 

Here are your Current Overall Standings (COS)

1. Sandy Kory ... 141-83 ... (n/a)
2. Josh Money ... 140-84 ... (-1)
3. Dave Labowitz ... 139-85 ... (-2)
4. Robin Wood ... 138-86 ... (-3)
5. Zack Klein ... 137-87 ... (-4)
5. George Smith ... 137-87 ... (-4)
5. Matthew Mariam .. 137-87 ... (-4)
5. Bill Denton ... 137-87 ... (-4)
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 136-88 ... (-5)
9. John Weaver ... 136-88 ... (-5)
9. Jon Stover ... 136-88 ... (-5)
12. Joey Bansen ... 135-89 ... (-6)
13. Matthew Kory ... 134-90 ... (-7
14. Alex Mena ... 133-91... (-8)
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 132-92 ... (-9)

I'll be back later with the schedule for Week 16.  Have a great week, everyone.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Week 15: Update

This Update post is pretty close to a Results post, and in fact, its not pretty close, it is a Results post.  Here's the story, youse. (God I hate the Eagles.  Almost as much as I hate the Redskins right now.) 

With a game to go in this, your Week 15, we've got two people...fine, guys (sorry Robin!) who are vying for the lead.  Josh Money and Sandy Kory both have 11 wins so far, which is an impressive showing considering how many upsets there were this week.  There are several people (Hi Robin!) who have 10 wins so far, but because nobody here is painfully stupid, everyone picked the Bears to win on Monday night. 

This means nobody can catch Sandy and Josh.  Which means the actual result of the Monday night game doesn't matter here.  So, we'll go right to the Monday Night Points (MNP) and see how this works out.  Lets see... Sandy picked 34 points and Josh picked ... 34 points.  Crap! 

That means, no matter what happens on Monday night, Josh and Sandy are going to split the WSP.  Sorry to ruin the suspense, but what can I do?  You dolts picked the same damn number of points.  What a shame too, considering this week's prize was a book.  I'll have to slice it in half and ship it to you.  Josh, you get the top half, and Sandy, I'll send you the bottom. 

Back tomorrow night with the Current Overall Standings, and the schedule for Week 16.  Get it together, people!  Only two more weeks to go!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Week 15: Schedule

Here's the schedule for your Week 15.  Try not to inhale too quickly.

Thursday Night Game:

San Francisco at San Diego

Sunday & Monday Games:

Kansas City at St. Louis
Buffalo at Miami
Cleveland at Cincinnati
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
Houston at Tennessee
Washington at Dallas
Philadelphia at NY "Obscure Jewish Holiday" Giants
Arizona at Carolina
Detroit at Tampa Bay
New Orleans at Baltimore
Atlanta at Seattle
New York Jets at Pittsburgh
Denver at Oakland
Green Bay at New England
Chicago at Minnesota (Plus total points)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Week 14: Results

Sorry for the lateness of this write up, folks.  Hope you won't hold it against me, unless you're a sexy, leggy blond who likes hackneyed phrases and stereotypes!  Grrrrrrrowl!

To the Pool(poop!)!

When last we left our heroes, it was a three sexually androgynous person race with Matthew Mariam in the lead, followed closely behind by Dave Labowitz and Sandy Kory.  Well, Matt got both Monday night contests right, so both Dave and Sandy can screw, because Matthew Mariam is this week's big wiener!

Congrats, Matt.  As the big weekly wiener, you win a lifetime supply of free tickets to Redskins games! And by lifetime I mean two games, which is likely all it'll take for you to off yourself in frustration. But before you commit suicide, don't forget to write your note on official Redskins Suicide Stationary! (Don't worry, it comes with the tickets.)

No, sadly, you win the WSP, which is probably enough to pay for parking and one small Bud Lite at FedEx Field. Enjoy!

Here's how Week 14 finished up:

1. Matthew Mariam ... 12-4
2. Josh Money ... 11-5
2. Robin Wood ... 11-5
2. Joey Bansen ... 11-5
2. Gedeon Mariam ... 11-5
6. Alex Mena ... 10-6
6. Karl Vaillancourt ... 10-6
6. Zack Klein ... 10-6
6. Matthew Kory ... 10-6
6. Sandy Kory ... 10-6
6. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
12. Bill Denton ... 9-7
12. George Smith ... 9-7
14. Jon Stover ... 8-8
14. John Weaver ... 8-8

Last week, Zack, John Weaver, and Dave were all tied for first with Sandy a game back. George and Karl were two back. This week Zack and Dave are still tied, but John has dropped two off the pace into a tie with Sandy. Karl has fallen into a tie with Josh at three back, while George has dropped four behind.

There are ten people at four or fewer games back. Its really no stretch what so ever to say this is anyone's pool(poop!).

Here's your Current Overall Standings (COS):

1. Zack Klein ... 131-77
1. Dave Labowitz ... 131-77
3. Sandy Kory ... 129-79
3. John Weaver ... 129-79
5. Josh Money ... 128-80
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 128-80
7. Robin Wood ... 127-81
7. George Smith ... 127-81
7. Matthew Mariam ... 127-81
7. Matthew Kory ... 127-81
11. Bill Denton ... 126-82
11. Alex Mena ... 126-82
13. Joey Bansen ... 125-83
13. Jon Stover ... 125-83
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 122-86

There are only three weeks left in the regular season, folks, so this is the time to make a run. Good luck!

The schedule for Week 15 will be up shortly. Remember, I need your pick for Thursday night's game by the start of that game, 8:20pm EST this Thursday. I'll need all the rest of your picks by 1pm EST this Sunday.

Have a great week everyone!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Week 14: Update

Another strange week in what is officially a strange year in the NFL.  The Redskins blew an extra point attempt with a chance to send the game into overtime, the Lions and Packers accounted for ten total points (with the Lions winning!?) and the Metrodome roof fell in putting Minnesota's next home game in Detroit. 


To the pool(poop!)!

This is the week of hard core parity.  Fourteen of us are either 8-6 or 9-5.  That accounts for everyone except Matthew Mariam, who is somehow 10-4.  Still, the sheer number of people only a game or two back, plus the fact there are now two Monday night games (though apparently only one of them will be on national TV), should make this more than a one horse race. 

And it does.  Its, in fact, a three horse race.  At 10-4 Mr. Mariam is in the lead, but six people are right behind him at 9-5.  However, four of those people have the same picks for Monday night's two contests as Matt, meaning they can't catch him.  The two that have different picks than Matt are Sandy Kory and Dave Labowitz.  Everyone still in contention for the Weekly Standard Prize picked Baltimore, but both Sandy and Dave have Minnesota over the Giants while Matt picked the Giants. 

If the Giants win then Matt is the big wiener, but if Minnesota wins, it'll come down to Monday Night Points.  And looking at the points, Matt better hope the Giants win because he's a bit boxed in.  Just to be clear, Monday Night Points applies only to the Baltimore/Houston game and not the Giants/Minnesota game.  Here's the breakdown:

If Minnesota wins and the point total of the Baltimore/Houston game is...

... 36 or less, Sandy Kory wins.
... either 37, 38 or 39, Matthew Mariam wins.
... 40 or greater, Dave Labowitz wins.

That's where we stand now.  I'll be back tomorrow with the results for Week 14 and your Week 15 schedule. 


Monday, December 06, 2010

Week 14: Schedule

Relax already, here's the schedule for Week 14.  Sheesh...

Thursday Night Game

Indianapolis at Tennessee

Sunday & Monday Games

Cleveland at Buffalo
New York "Liberace Referee" Giants at Minnesota
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
Tampa Bay at Washington
Atlanta at Carolina
Green Bay at Detroit
Oakland at Jacksonville
St. Louis at New Orleans
Seattle at San Francisco
New England at Chicago
Denver at Arizona
Kansas City at San Diego
Miami at New York Jerks
Philadelphia at Dallas
Baltimore at Houston (plus total points)

Week 13: Results

As I write this it is the 3rd quarter and the Patriots are beating the Jets by 35 now 42 points.  So I'm calling this one. 

As the Pats are winners that means Matthew Mariam and indeed the rest of the pool(poop!) can't catch George Smith this week.  He's uncatchable that George Smith!  That's what I've always said. 

So, congratulations, George, on being this week's big wiener (that probably should be capitalized - I'll get to it next week)!  As the Big Wiener (there it is), you win Albert Haynesworth!  Not a bobblehead, not a fathead, not a football card, no, you win the actual Albert Haynesworth.  He'll be showing up at your door in 8-10 business days.  I'd have some food ready.

No, sadly, you win the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of whateverthehellitis.  May I suggest you spend at least part of it on an Adrian Gonzalez t-shirt.  Or if those aren't available you could probably double your money in Vegas. 

Without further ado, here's the final standings for Week 13:

1. George Smith ... 13-3
2. Matthew Kory ... 12-4
2. Robin Wood ... 12-4
2. Zack Klein ... 12-4
2. Bill Denton ... 12-4
6. Matthew Mariam ... 11-5
6. Joey Bansen ... 11-5
6. Dave Labowitz ... 11-5
6. Karl Vaillancourt ... 11-5
10. Josh Money ... 10-6
10. Gedeon Mariam ... 10-6
10. Jon Stover ... 10-6
13. Sandy Kory ... 9-7
13. Alex Mena ... 9-7
13. John Weaver ... 9-7

The Current Overall Standings are are getting pretty interesting up in this piece. We went from getting schooled by John Weaver to nobody being more than ten games out of first place. Also, we have a three way tie for first place between Zack Klein, John Weaver and ... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dave Labowitz.

*silent weeping*

After the top three, or as I like to call them Kleavowitz, my brother Sandy, George and Karl are all within striking distance.  But really, there isn't a single person in the pool(poop!) who is out of contention.  Just put together a couple great weeks and the pool(poop!) is yours for the taking.  Its shaping up to be quite a finish.

Here are the COS through Week 13:

1. Zack Klein ... 121-71
1. John Weaver ... 121-71
1. Dave Labowitz ... 121-71
4. Sandy Kory ... 119-73
5. George Smith ... 118-74
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 118-74
7. Jon Stover ... 117-75
7. Josh Money ... 117-75
7. Bill Denton ... 117-75
7. Matthew Kory ... 117-75
11. Alex Mena ... 116-76
11. Robin Wood ... 116-76
13. Matthew Mariam ... 115-77
14. Joey Bansen ... 114-78
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 111-81

The schedule for Week 14 will be up shortly.  Have a great week, everyone.

Week 13: Update

Another week, another gray hair.  Being a parent of twins will do that to you, I guess.  But not as much as being a fan of the f'n Redskins.  Holy turds on a stick do they suck poop out of a dead badger's bottom hole.  31-7?  Over the last four weeks they're 1-3 and have been outscored by 55 total points.  I hate them.  And yet I'm still wearing my Redskins hat, my Redskins shirt, and my glow-in-the-dark Redskins nipple rings (the ones with little Dan Snyder faces - I threw out my Vinny Cerrato pair).


This week things are pretty straight forward.  Despite the fact that five people (including yours truly) have 11 wins on the week, there is one man who rises above us all.  When nobody else could manage it, only one man came in with 12 wins:

Dave Labowitz! 

No, just kidding, its George Smith.   George has 12 wins on the week and as such he's a game up on the five 11 game winners.  The only way this even gets to Monday Night Points (MNP) is if George loses on Monday Night and if at least one of the five 11 game winners correctly picked the winner. 

Lets get to specifics.  George picked New England, as did most everyone in the pool.  But not everyone.  One of the five eleven game winners (not me) did pick the Pats opponent, the J-E-T-S JERKS JERKS JERKS (Jets fans can't spell).  That would be Dave Labowitz.

No, kidding again.  Its Matthew Mariam.

So here's how it breaks down.  Pats win, George wins.  If the Jets win, things get more interesting.  A Jets win would give both George and Matthew 12 wins in which case it'll come down to Monday Night Points.  George has 35 and Matthew has 37 so, as we play by Price is Right rules here, if the total points is between 0 and 36, George will still take home the WSP.  If its 37 or more, Matthew will sneak in the backdoor and snag the WSP out of George's hands.

That's how things stand as of Sunday night.  Tune in tomorrow for the results from Week 13. 

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Week 13: Schedule

Here is your Week 13 schedule.  Don't forget to get at least your Thursday night pick to me by 8:20pm EST.  The rest of your picks are due on Sunday at 1pm EST.

Thursday Night

Houston at Philadelphia

Sunday & Monday

New Orleans at Cincinnati
Cleveland at Miami
Jacksonville at Tennessee
Washington at New York "Cat Vagina" Giants
San Francisco at Green Bay
Chicago at Detroit
Denver at Kansas City
Buffalo at Minnesota
Oakland at San Diego
Atlanta at Tampa Bay
Carolina at Seattle
St. Louis at Arizona
Dallas at Indianapolis
Pittsburgh at Baltimore
New York Jets at New England (plus total points)

Week 12: Results

In the words of Spaulding, double turds!!

The final score of the Monday night game was 27-6, for a point total of 33.  One more field goal and Gedeon would have won, one less and I would have won (DAMMIT!!!!), but things worked out perfectly for Karl Vaillancourt, who is this week's big wiener!!  Congratulations, Karl!  You win this week's prize, Mike Shanahan's actual scalp, extracted courtesy of fellow pool(poop!) participant Mr. Alex Mena who surely lost his frigg'n mind, drove to DC and performed impromptu surgery on Mr. Shanahan in the back of a van parked in a 7-11 parking lot.  So watch for a plastic bag containing part of an actual human head!  Yay!

With that beautiful image in your mind's eye, here's the way Week 12 ended up:

1. Karl Vaillancourt ... 13-3
1. Gedeon Mariam ... 13-3
1. Dave Labowitz ... 13-3
1. Matthew Kory ... 13-3
5. Bill Denton ... 12-4
5. Robin Wood ... 12-4
7. George Smith ... 11-5
7. Jon Stover ... 11-5
9. Matthew Mariam ... 10-6
9. Sandy Kory ... 10-6
9. Alex Mena ... 10-6
12. Josh Money ... 9-7
12. Zack Klein ... 9-7
14. Joey Bansen ... 8-8
14. John Weaver ... 8-8

Overall, the field has narrowed.  Last week 16 games separated first from last.  This week its down to 11.  If you were behind in the pool(poop!) its a safe bet you had a good week, and if you were at the front of the pool(poop!) you probably sucked some poop from a straw. 

Last week we had the John Weaver is kicking all of our asses post, but this week Weaver's 8-8 showing has helped everyone pick up a few games.  For example, I picked up 7 games on John in one week.  Don't expect that to happen again.  Dave picked up five games to vault himself into a second place tie* with Sandy, who picked up two games on John himself.  Zack, despite a lousy week himself, picked up a game on John as well, moving to within three.  Unfortunately for him he was leap-frogged by Dave and Sandy.  Karl's strong week moved him to five games back. 


All that said, John is still in first by two games, so its not like he's doing that badly.

I've included a new column after your record.  The number of games out of first place is in parentheses after your overall record.  At long last, here are your Current Overall Standings (COS) through Week 12:

1. John Weaver ... 112-58 ... (-)
2. Sandy Kory ... 110-60 ... (-2)
2. Dave Labowitz ... 110-60 ... (-2)
4. Zack Klein ... 109-61 ... (-3)
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 107-63 ... (-5)
5. Jon Stover ... 107-63 ... (-5)
5. Josh Money ... 107-63 ... (-5)
5. Alex Mena ... 107-63 ... (-5)
9. George Smith ... 105-65 ... (-7)
9. Bill Denton ... 105-65 ... (-7)
9. Matthew Kory ... 105-65 ... (-7)
12. Robin Wood ... 104-66 ... (-8)
12. Matthew Mariam ... 104-66 ... (-8)
14. Joey Bansen ... 103-67 ... (-9)
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 101-69 ... (-11)

Congrats again to Karl.  I'll have the schedule for Week 13 up soon.  Remember, Week 13 begins this Thursday, so don't forget to get that game to me by game time.  The rest are due at the start of the games on Sunday.

Hope you all have a great week.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Week 12: Update

Sorry for the delayed Update.  Here's the story of Week 12 so far. 

Through the first 15 games, four people lead the way with 12-3 records.  Those people are Karl "Meet me in the food" Vaillancourt (32), Dave "The Jewish Leprechaun" Lab-O'Witz (38), Gedeon "Little Hotel Bible" Mariam (35), and your humble Pool(poop) runner-person*.  Yes, apparently a blind squirrel is right twice a day.**



As is often the case, every leader picked the same team to win on Monday night.  All four of us picked San Francisco to beat Arizona.  That leaves an opening for someone with 11 wins to sneak onto the top tier, should the Monday night game not go San Francisco's way.  Bill Denton and Robin Wood are both 11-4, a game off the pace.  Unfortunately for them (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) both also picked San Francisco to win tonight.  So no hot soup for them. 

That means for the purposes of determining the weekly wiener the actual winner of the Monday night game is irrelevant.  Its going to come down to Monday Night Points (MNP) either way.  As you'll recall, we play Price Is Right style here in MFSAFP(p!)!.  The person who is the closest to the actual points scored without going over is the big wiener. 

Dave picked 38, Gedeon 35, Karl 32 and I chose 25.   That means if the point total is...

...0 to 31, Matthew Kory (ME!!!) wins.
...32, 33 or 34, Karl Vaillancourt wins.
...35, 36, or 37 Gedeon Mariam wins.
...38 or more, Dave Labowitz wins.

Best of luck to everyone, but mostly to Jon Stover. 

Friday, November 26, 2010

Week 12: Pre-Update

If you're looking for the Week 12 schedule post scroll down or click here.  As a reminder, I post my picks in the comments section of each schedule post.  That way you can be sure I'm on the level.  Or, alternately, you could just look at my place in the standings and conclude that I'm the world's worst cheater.  In any case...

We're three games into Week 12 and only one of the games was expected to be remotely competitive. Fitting that, we had lots of consensus on the Thanksgiving day games.  So rather than post everyone's record, we'll do it like this, narrative style. 

Everyone in the pool picked the Jets to beat Cincinnati.  So no matter who you are, give yourself a +1 for that game. 

Everyone in the pool except one person took the Patriots over Detroit.  Going against the grain didn't look like a bad idea through the first half, but then someone in the locker rooms reminded the players their role.  After that, the game fell apart for the perpetually inept Lions.  +1 for everyone except Matthew Mariam for that game.  (A big -1 for me for not starting Deion Branch and his two TDs against Bill Denton in our fantasy football league.)

Just about everyone is 2-0 as we come to the most contested game of the day's schedule, New Orleans at Dallas.  The Cowboys have played well since firing head coach Tubby McGoo and replacing him with Sheriff Slim Touchdown-Schultz.  (Ah, the wonder of the hyphenated last name.)  The Saints, as everyone knows, are the defending Super Bowl champs.  Predictably most people picked New Orleans, but five brave souls did go out on a smallish limb and take the home team.  The Cowboys made a late run, but ultimately those of us Redskins fans had a nice little Thanksgiving present.  A +1 for you if your name isn't John Weaver, Jon Stover, Sandy Kory, Zack Klein, or Matthew Mariam.

That's where we stand three games into Week 12.  Most people at 3-0, a few at 2-1, and then Matthew Mariam. 

If you haven't already, don't forget to send in the rest of your picks.  I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and are enjoying the rest of your long weekend.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Week 12: Schedule

Here is your schedule for Week 12.  Lots of Thursday night goodness* to be had.  Just don't forget to send in your picks and have a great Thanksgiving.

*meaning: badness

Thursday Games:

New England at Detroit
New Orleans at Dallas
Cincinnati at New York Jets

Sunday & Monday Games:

Jacksonville at New York Giants
Minnesota at Washington
Green Bay at Atlanta
Carolina at Cleveland
Pittsburgh at Buffalo
Tennessee at Houston
Kansas City at Seattle
Miami at Oakland
Philadelphia at Chicago
Tampa Bay at Baltimore
St. Louis at Denver
San Diego at Indianapolis
San Francisco at Arizona (plus total points)

Week 11: Results

Its midnight here in Portland (do you know where your cat is?) and I just got back from a night out on the town. Did you know they serve beer in bars here? Its crazy. Possibly needless to say I'm beat. But before I crash, I wanted to get this up on the interwebs for you. Yes, this just one of at least two examples of my selflessness that come to mind. The other involves passing a salt shaker.

That is all by way of saying sorry for the lack of pomp (poop!) and circumstance, but here is how it all went down in Week 11.  You may recall from my wonderfully hilarious update - and seriously, everyone please stop emailing me telling me how funny I am - that if the Monday night game exceeded 41 points (i.e. totaled 42 or more) then Robin and Dave, who both guessed 42 would win. Well, smack my ass and call me "Assey the Ass Smacking Dinosaur*" but in the words of Will Ferrell, that just happened. 

*copyright 2010, Matthew Kory all rights reserved

Denver's loss to San Diego totaled 49 points making Dave and Robin co-wieners.  Co-ngratulations!  See what I did there?  Ha. I kill me.  In keeping with this week's blatant ass theme, you guys both win the two assed mongoose featured in the first season of South Park.  Congratulations.  Dave gets first crack at the ass on the top. Another terrible pun!  I must be stopped!

Here's how Week 11 ended up:

1. Robin Wood ... 13-3
1. Dave Labowitz ... 13-3
1. Alex Mena ... 13-3
1. Sandy Kory ... 13-3
5. Josh Money ... 12-4
5. Bill Denton ... 12-4
5. Jon Stover ... 12-4
5. John Weaver ... 12-4
9. George Smith ... 11-5
9. Zack Klein ... 11-5
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 11-5
9. Matthew Kory ... 11-5
13. Joey Bansen ... 10-6
13. Matthew Mariam ... 10-6
13. Gedeon Mariam ... 10-6

Now comes the part where I show you how bad John Weaver is kicking the crap out of all of us. The moral of the story: if John Weaver tells you to pick the New York "Craptastic" Giants, you pick the New York "Craptastic" Giants. After John, Zack and Sandy are fighting for the sloppy seconds (sounds like Thanksgiving at a porno theatre). Things get increasingly more desperate from there until I get down to the bottom of the list, to my lifelong friend, Gedeon Mariam.  Gedeon wrote the following to me in his weekly picks email:

I can't help but notice I am in last place in total standings. I think you will recall, however, that while I have not accurate predicted the SPECIFIC winner of each game, I have correctly prognosticated that in each game the team with the most points would win. I think, therefore, there should be an asterisk next to my position in the standings. Kind of like by Barry Bonds HR record, but in a good way.

Gedeon's words are true.  He did, in fact, predict that the team with the most points would, in fact, win each game.  In fact.  So, Gedeon, in the spirit of our lifelong friendship, in recognition of your incredible powers of prognostication, and in sympathy because you live in Alabama, I have done as you asked.

Here is the Current Overall Standings (COS):

1. John Weaver ... 104-50
2. Zack Klein ... 100-54
2. Sandy Kory ... 100-54
4. Josh Money ... 98-56
5. Alex Mena ... 97-57
5. Dave Labowitz ... 97-57
7. Jon Stover ... 96-58
8. Joey Bansen ... 95-59
9. George Smith ... 94-60
9. Matthew Mariam ... 94-60
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 94-60
12. Bill Denton ... 93-61
13. Matthew Kory ... 92-62
13. Robin Wood ... 92-62
15. * ... 88-66

The Week 12 schedule will be posted shortly.  Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone.  Unless you're from Canada, in which case, F You. 

Monday, November 22, 2010

Week 11: Update

What a good week.  There weren't a ton of easy games, instead, there were lots of competitive games that could have gone either way.  To the credit of the assembled cast of the Pool(poop!), we did a damn good job. 

As for specifics, four people are 10-5 going into Monday night's game.  Which isn't quite good enough, because four other people are 11-4 going into tonight's game, which is the top record in the league so far this week.  Except it isn't, because four other different people are 12-3, which is actually really the best record in the league.  Ha ha!  Fooled you, Jon Stover!

As a matter of fact, unless your last name rhymes with "aquarium" you have 10 wins so far.  Which is just impressive.  So big old golf clap to everyone in the pool for an outstanding blah blah blah who cares you want to know who has 12 wins and more importantly, is it you. 

First I should say, no, it isn't you.  Unless your name is either Sandy Kory, Dave Labowitz, Robin Wood, or Alex Mena.  Then it is you. Bill Denton and I picked the Giants, for which I have an excuse, but to my knowledge Bill hasn't recently had his head surgically implanted into his rectum. 

But, since there are four people right behind the four listed above, things could get really crazy!  Except no, because everyone in the entire pool(poop!) picked San Diego over Denver this Monday night.  That, my friends, is called consensus.  Its like Reagan's second Presidential election up in this piece.  But, like Reagan's second term, it is possible for everyone everywhere to be 100% wrong. 

So everyone who has 11 wins, so sorry, don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!*

*I'm pretty sure Bill Denton's dad says this daily.

For all you with 12 wins so far, here's how the Monday Night Points break down:

Alex Mena: 40 points
Sandy Kory: 41 points
Dave Labowitz: 42 points
Robin Wood: 42 points

Because we play Price Is Right rules here at MFSAFP(p!)!, the winner is the one who gets the closest to the actual number without going over.  This means, in essence, Sandy is totally fucked.  Ha ha!  Good luck winning, Sandy!  Also, have fun with my parents on Thanksgiving!  I'm sure going to miss Grandma loading up on wine and peppermint schnapps until she bazooka barfs on the cat.  Again. 

The breakdown goes thusly:

If the point total is between 0 and 40 Alex wins
If the point total is exactly 41, Sandy wins won't (ever ever ever happen)
If the point total is 42 or more, Dave and Robin will split the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP)

Good luck to everyone!  Except Dave!  I'll be back tomorrow to recap Week 11, congratulate the winner or winners, make fun of Gedeon for finishing last again, and post the schedule for Week 12. 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Week 11: Schedule

Remember, more crappy Thursday Night Football this week, so don't forget to send in Thursday's pick by 8:20pm EST this Thursday, November 18th. 

Here's your schedule for Week 11:

Stupid Game (Thursday Night)

Chicago at Miami

Not Stupid Games (except the Redskins game which will, again, be extremely stupid)

Baltimore at Carolina
Houston at New York Jets
Buffalo at Cincinnati
Oakland at Pittsburgh
Cleveland at Jacksonville
Detroit at Dallas
Arizona at Kansas City
Washington at Tennessee
Green Bay at Minnesota
Seattle at New Orleans
Atlanta at St. Louis
Tampa Bay at San Francisco
Indianapolis at New England
New York "Horatio Sanz is funny mostly because he's fat" Giants at Philadelphia
Denver at San Diego (plus total points)

Week 10: Results

As you shall see, this week was one of the toughest of the year to date. The only competitors are Week 8 and Week 5. Three people finished 9-4 in Week 8, but tons of people won 8 or 7 games that week so that wasn't tougher. A record of 8-6 won Week 5, but just by eyeballing it I think this week was more difficult.

Still, I was curious so I went back and ran some quick numbers. Collectively we went 97-113 in Week 5. That's a winning percentage of .462. This week we went 92-118, a winning percentage of .438. So it appears this week was the most difficult so far. Either that or we just sucked more.

Speaking of sucked, thank God I don't live in Philadelphia anymore. So yeah. Enough of that.

To the pool(poop!)!

You may recall my brother, Sandy Kory, went into the Monday Night game leading by one win over Joey Bansen and George Smith. Both George and Joey had Philadelphia and my brother, throwing caution to the wind, had Washington. After the most ludicrous beatdown in the history of Monday Night Football, all three men were tied with 9 wins.

So, Monday Night Points (MNP) would be needed to determine the winner. Oddly enough Sandy and Joey both chose 30 while George picked 50. As George was the closest to the actual number, which I believe was 467,964, George Smith is this week's winner!! Congratulations George! You win ten beers of your choice! Seriously! Any ten beers! Just show up to my house here in Portland, OR to claim your prize! And if you take a dump on the steps of Lincoln Financial Field you can have 20.

In the meantime, you also win the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP)!

Here are the final standings for Week 10:

1. George Smith ... 9-5
1. Joey Bansen ... 9-5
1. Sandy Kory ... 9-5
4. John Weaver ... 8-6
5. Jon Stover .... 7-7
5. Zack Klein ... 7-7
7. Gedeon Mariam ... 6-8
7. Bill Denton ... 6-8
7. Dave Labowitz ... 6-8
10. Robin Wood ... 5-9
10. Karl Vaillancourt ... 5-9
10. Matthew Kory ... 5-9
13. Alex Mena ... 4-10
14. Matthew Mariam ... 3-11
14. Josh Money ... 3-11

The Current Overall Standings (COS) are soon to be renamed the John Weaver And Zack Klein Are Kicking Our Asses Standings (JWAZKAKOAS). (If you have something more catchy why don't you do your own damn pool(poop!)!?) Forunately, unlike Top Gun, there is a prize for second place. And I think third place too, though maybe not I honestly don't remember. Anyway, here's the JWAZKAKOAS:

1. John Weaver ... 92-52
2. Zack Klein ... 89-55
3. Sandy Kory ... 87-57
4. Josh Money ... 86-58
5. Joey Bansen ... 85-59
6. Alex Mena ... 84-60
6. Matthew Mariam ... 84-60
6. Dave Labowitz ... 84-60
6. Jon Stover ... 84-60
10. George Smith ... 83-61
10. Karl Vaillancourt ... 83-61
12. Bill Denton ... 81-63
12. Matthew Kory ... 81-63
14. Robin Wood ... 79-65
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 78-66

The Week 11 Schedule shall be up shortly. Remember, more stupid Thursday night football this week, so don't forget to send in at least your Thursday night pick by the start of the game on Thursday.

Have a great week.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Week 10: Update

What a horrible, horrible week.  This is one of those weeks were most of us would've been better off just flipping a coin.  So far I'm 5-8 and I honestly don't feel that badly about it.  OK, that's a lie, I fucking hate this pool(poop!).  OK, that's a lie.  I love it. 

So what hath his ridiculous mess of NFL-related garbage wrought upon us all this week?  Well, aside from tons and tons of losses - really, if you have 6 wins so far you should feel like a damn genius - we have what looks to be a three man race (sorry ladies!) for the Weekly Standard Prize. 

That's right, three lucky fellas are still in the running and they are... well, the usual suspects I'm afraid.  In first with 9 wins so far (I've looked at his picks and I honestly don't know how he did it) we have my brother, Sandy Kory. 

Nobody else has 9 so far, but Sandy, always looking to give himself a good old fashioned nut punch on Monday night, picked our Redskins to beat the Eagles.  And wow was that asking for it.  That's an invitation to losing if for no other reason than I picked the Redskins too.  Whoops!

Hot on Sandy's heals are Joey Bansen and George Smith, both with 8 wins and both of whom (rightly) selected the Eagles to win a contest I see as a foregone conclusion.  The only thing left to happen is for Eagles running back LeSean McCoy, on his way to his fourth touchdown, to stop to jam a red hot poker up my...... well, anyway...  Right, the pool(poop!).  

George and Joey both have eight wins and Philadelphia so if Philly wins tonight they'll both have nine tying Sandy. That means Monday Night Points! (MNP!)!  This one comes with a twist too because both Sandy and Joey picked exactly 30 points.  So, if in this Eagles win the total points are between 0 and 49 George will be over so both Sandy and Joey will tie and split the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP).  If the total points are 50 or greater both Sandy and Joey can screw and George walks away with the entire WSP, whether you like it or not and you won't like it. 

In the 'won't-happen' column, if the Redskins win (won't happen), Sandy wins outright. 

Best of luck to all involved.  Oh, and special shout-out to Zack Klein who was the only one in the entire pool to somehow, through the use of black magic I suspect, see the disintegrating corpse that is the Dallas Cowboys beat what has been up until Sunday one of the best teams in football in the NY Giants proving once again if you throw enough shit up against the wall, eventually some of it will stick. 

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Week 10: Schedule

OK, peeps, this is the first week with a Thursday night game.  As we discussed earlier you will now be allowed to send in your Thursday night game pick separately.  So, if you want to, you can email me your Thursday night pick before this Thursday, November 11th at 8:20pm EST.  Just don't forget to email me the rest of your picks before the start of the first game this Sunday, November 14th.

Here's your (slightly more complicated) Week 10 schedule:

Thursday Night:

Baltimore at Atlanta

Rest of the slate:

Detroit at Buffalo
Cincinnati at Indianapolis
New York Jets at Cleveland
Houston at Jacksonville
Minnesota at Chicago
Tennessee at Miami
Carolina at Tampa Bay
Kansas City at Denver
St. Louis at San Francisco
Dallas at New York "Poop-a-poo!" Giants
Seattle at Arizona
New England at Pittsburgh
Philadelphia at Washington (plus total points)

Week 9: Results & Thursday Night Note

Last week Jon Stover called the Monday Night Points (MNP) exactly.  This week we've got an encore performance, though not by Mr. Stover who sucked donkey taint this week.  No, this week's genius was Joey Bansen, who nailed the Monday Night Points total exactly, at 48.  Poor, poor Josh Money...  Not a darn thing he could'a done.  But, whatever, that makes Joey Bansen this week's big wiener! 

Congratulations to Mr. Bansen.  He wins a giant heaping load of goat dung!  For no good reason!  Goat dung!  Smellly!! Exclamation Point!  Hooray! 

No, sadly Joey wins the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of $70 which, if he likes, he can spend entirely on goat dung, which as any good farmer can tell you, will improve fertilizer capacity immensely!

Congrats to Joey. Here be the final standings for Week 9:

1. Joey Bansen ... 11-2
1. Josh Money ... 11-2
3. Jon Stover ... 10-3
3. Matthew Mariam ... 10-3
3. Robin Wood ... 10-3
3. John Weaver ... 10-3
3. Zack Klein ... 10-3
3. Dave Labowitz ... 10-3
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 9-4
9. Matthew Kory ... 9-4
9. Alex Mena ... 9-4
9. George Smith ... 9-4
13. Bill Denton ... 8-5
13. Sandy Kory ... 8-5
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 7-6

As for the Current Overall Standings (COS), we got some stratification up in this piece.  To wit:

1. John Weaver ... 84-46
2. Josh Money ... 83-47
3. Zack Klein ... 82-48
4. Matthew Mariam ... 81-49
5. Alex Mena ... 80-50
6. Sandy Kory ... 78-52
6. Dave Labowitz ... 78-52
6. Karl Vaillancourt ... 78-52
9. Jon Stover ... 77-53
10. Joey Bansen ... 76-54
10. Matthew Kory ... 76-54
12. Bill Denton ... 75-55
13. Robin Wood ... 74-56
13. George Smith ... 74-56
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 72-58

I'm tied for tenth!  Horseballs! 
  * * *

In more important news, this week marks the first in an annoying series of weeks that include the wonderfully hideous Thursday Night Football games on NFL Network.  Gosh I hope Joe Theismann is doing color commentary again!  Hooray (meaning: poop)!  In that vein, I just checked on the poll results and they are as follows:

7 want the Thursday Night game to be submitted separately
2 don't want that
1 hates me and wishes I'd go away

This means we'll be allowing your picks for the Thursday night games to be submitted separately from your weekly picks.  Also I won't be going away whether you hate me or not. 

Also, this means that you'll have to send in picks twice each week. I won't be sending out emails every other minute to remind you so hopefully you can handle this incredible, immense responsibility akin to giving burning AIDs patients their medication and a healthy douse of ice water. 

I will probably send out one email reminder this week though because its the first week and, well, I love you all, so so much.  Especially Jon Stover, who smells just like honey.  Sweet, sweet honey. 

Congratulations again to Joey Bansen, and my apologies for not going away.  But hey, you had your chance. 

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Week 9: Update

As I write this Green Bay is pouring a giant cauldron of bubbling poo down the collective throat of the Dallas Cowboys.  Due to surgery its not physically possible for Jerry Jones to frown, but you can tell he's unhappy because his smile isn't as large as usual.  Also there are fewer cockroaches crawling out of his eyes.  This is wonderful. 

There will be blood tonight in Dallas.  Wade Phillips chicken-like coaching is likely to be on the block, but even if Jones chops Phillips' head off, his body will keep coaching for a few more weeks, and probably as effectively.

As for the pool(poop!), its come down to just two of us. Just the two of us... Joey and Josh! That's right, Joey Bansen and Josh Money, two of the oldest of old friends, battling it out for the Weekly Standard Prize. Both Joey and Josh have 10 wins so far and since everybody and everybody's mom picked the Steelers to beat Cincy on Monday night (and rightly so), nobody can catch either of them.

As for the Monday night game, the result doesn't matter a tick. The points are all that counts. Josh picked 36 total points while Joey went with 48. Since we play Price Is Right rules here at MFSAFP(p!)!, the one who wins is the closest to the actual points without going over. As the high man on the totem pole, Joey will be over if the point total is 47 or less, and thus Josh would win. If the points total 48 or more, Joey would be the big wiener.

That's it from beautiful rainy Portland. Back tomorrow with the final results from Week 9 and your Week 10 schedule.

Ta ta!

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Please Answer This Quick Question

** UPDATE  **

9:26am PST - The stupid poll I put in won't let anyone vote.  Good stuff.  I'll put in a new one.  Sorry about that...


As a means of warning, next week, Week 10, will be the first week of the season to include Thursday night games.  The Thursday night games will continue through Week 16.  The problem with Thursday night games is I require all picks to be submitted before the first game of the week.  This is mainly for my convenience though I think its more likely people forget to send in their picks if its happens in multiple installments.

However, it sucks that you have to send in all of your picks before the Thursday night game which is three and four days before the games are actually scheduled.  I know there are people who like to wait until the last minute to pick (to be clear, I fully endorse this strategy and if I wasn't running the pool(poop!) I'd be doing that too).

So, I'm willing to do what ever extra legwork there is so we can all submit the Thursday night pick separately.  For your part, you have to be willing to accept the extra responsibility of essentially sending in picks twice each week (although you could still submit all your picks before the Thursday night game if you want). 

So here's the question.  What should we do?

1) Keep things as they are (all picks for each week must be submitted before Thursday night's game).

2) Change it so the Thursday night pick and the rest of the week's picks can be submitted separately if you want.

Please vote in the below poll and feel free to submit questions in the comments section.  

Should we allow Thursday Night picks to be submitted separately?
No, keep things as they are
Leave me alone, I hate you. free polls

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Week 9: Schedule

Week 9 begins this coming Sunday, November 7th at 1pm EST.

New York Jets at Detroit
Miami at Baltimore
New England at Cleveland
San Diego at Houston
Chicago at Buffalo
Arizona at Minnesota
Tampa Bay at Atlanta
New Orleans at Carolina
New York "Gross Over-Estimation" Giants at Seattle
Indianapolis at Philadelphia
Kansas City at Oakland
Dallas at Green Bay
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (plus total points)

Week 8: Results, In Which I Use Too Many Swear Words

47 points.

That was Jon Stover's predicted total score for the Monday night game.  47.  Many asked him to come back to the pack, but he wouldn't.  His girlfriend threatened and then left him.  He was ridiculed for it. His best friend called him nuts.  I called him crazy, told him it would never happen.  I wasn't alone. The New York Times called him a charlatan and the New York Post called for his ouster in a rather nasty editorial entitled "Kill That Horsef*cker!" (really, why was that necessary?).  Even his own mom called him a "very gay homosexual".  But Jon stuck to his guns.  And dadgummit if he wasn't right in the end.  

In the end Jon Stover crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side. Jon Stover... headed for the Pacifi... wait what? That line has been used? Shit!

To the Pool(poop!)!

This week, with Indianapolis' win, we had three peeps finish at 9-4. As you may have guessed from the above garbage, Jon Stover called the Monday Night Points exactly, so there wasn't much else anyone could do to stop him this week. As such, Jon Stover is this week's big wiener! For winning (wiening?) this week, Jon wins a free* trip out to Portland, OR to visit me! All he has to do is pay for plane tickets, food, and lodging! What a deal!

Here are the final standings for Week 8:

1. Jon Stover ... 9-4
1. Joey Bansen ... 9-4
1. Karl Vaillancourt ... 9-4
4. Sandy Kory ... 8-5
4. Matthew Mariam ... 8-5
4. John Weaver ... 8-5
4. Matthew Kory ... 8-5
4. Dave Labowitz ... 8-5
9. Robin Wood ... 7-6
9. Alex Mena ... 7-6
9. Josh Money ... 7-6
9. Zack Klein ... 7-6
9. Gedeon Mariam ... 7-6
9. Alex Mena ... 7-6
14. George Smith ... 5-8
14. Bill Denton ... 5-8

Last week's overall leader, John Weaver, has widened his lead over the rest of us lackeys. He's pulling away, dammit! Someone catch him! John is two games up on Zack and Josh who, just like last week, are tied for second. Alex has company in fourth now with Matthew Mariam, and after that we're all likely f'd. Happy Halloween f'ers!!

1. John Weaver ... 74-43
2. Zack Klein ... 72-45
2. Josh Money ... 72-45
4. Alex Mena ... 71-46
4. Matthew Mariam ... 71-46
6. Sandy Kory ... 70-47
7. Karl Vaillancourt ... 69-48
8. Dave Labowitz ... 68-49
9. Matthew Kory ... 67-50
9. Bill Denton ... 67-50
9. Jon Stover ... 67-50
12. Joey Bansen ... 65-52
12. George Smith ... 65-52
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 65-52
15. Robin Wood ... 64-53

I'll put up the schedule for Week 9 momentarily. Have a great week, everyone!

Monday, November 01, 2010

Week 8: Update

I just wrote this long update but blogger ate it.  I'm really pissed. 

It was hilarious.  Lots of topical humor, but humor that made you think, you know?  Think hard about your place in this world and the best way to live your life.  I was prouder of that update than I have been of anything else I've ever done. Ever. 

But fucking blogger ate it.  So after screaming every nasty word I know as loudly as I possibly can, my lungs are sore.  Which means to show my continued rage I was forced to throw pumpkins into the street.  It was a nice tension reliever.  Seeing those pumpkins explode into thousands of tiny bits was cathartic.  So were the shards of glass from the windshield of that cab.  I'm feeling much better.  At least thats what I told the police officer before he tazed me, which, by the way, was completely unnecessary.  I was putting my pants back on. 

Anyway, to the pool(poop!)!

Week 8 is a four person race.  Three of those peeps have 8 wins.  Those three are Jon Stover, Joey Bansen, and Karl Vaillancourt.  All three also picked Indianapolis to win on Monday night.  That leaves a hole, and where there's a hole there's Alex Mena!  Wait, that came out badly... well, anyway, Alex has seven wins, but he is the lone person in the pool to pick Houston.  So, should Houston win, Alex would be in the running as well. 

Here's how it breaks down.

If Indianapolis wins...

... and the total number of points is between 0 and 46, Joey Bansen wins.
... and the total number of points is between and 47 and 51, Jon Stover wins.
... and the total number of points is between and 52 and infinity, Karl Vaillancourt wins.

If Houston wins...

... and the total number of points is between 0 and 46, Joey Bansen wins.
... and the total number of points is between 47 and 51, Jon Stover wins.
... and the total number of points is between 52 and 59, Karl Vaillancourt wins.
... and the total number of points is between 60 and infinity, Alex Mena wins.

Good luck to all involved.  I'll be back with the final tallies and the Week 9 schedule tomorrow night.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Week 8: Schedule

Here's your Week 8 schedule. Week 8 starts at 1pm EST this Sunday, October 31. Need yr picks by then.

Denver at San Francisco
Buffalo at Kansas City
Washington at Detroit
Carolina at St. Louis
Green Bay at New York Jets
Miami at Cincinnati
Jacksonville at Dallas
Tennessee at San Diego
Minnesota at New England
Seattle at Oakland
Tampa Bay at Arizona
Pittsburgh at New Orleans
Houston at Indianapolis (Plus Total Points)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Week 7: Results

Originally I wrote "Week 7: Resluts".

On to the pool(poop!)!

When last we left our intrepid heros - you remember, the ones with the large genitalia - they were attempting to catch my brother in the pool(poop!)!  Having a one game lead and having picked the Giants on Monday night, only one man could catch Sandy Kory. 

Josh Money was that man. 

When the Cowboys got out to a big lead early I was thinking Josh was in the Money (I'm so so sorry), but it wasn't to be.  After Tony Romo's shoulder was crushed into a fine powder (and summarily snorted) by a Giants lineman, the game got an air of inevitability about it.  Maybe it was that the Cowboys back up quarterback is John Kitna who I swear I thought was out of the league several years ago (and oddly enough may be starting for my fantasy football team this coming week).  Or maybe it was that Jerry Jones' face was stuck on the "tragedy" setting (stupid cheap batteries!).  But with each Giants touchdown the Cowboys season melted further and further away - not unlike Jones' face - and with it went Josh Money's chances to defend his Weekly Standard Prize.

That means this week's big wiener is SANDY KORY!!!  Congratulations to Sandy!  To commemorate your big victory, you win a somewhat opened package of partially cooked sausages that vaguely resemble Jerry Jones skin tone!  If you squint just right at it, you can see Jones smiling a big smile and say'n 'Hey Sandy, congratulations!  Go ahead!  Take a big bite!"  And if you do take that big bite you'll actually see him saying it before you pass out in a pool of your own vomit and other assorted bodily fluids!


Here are the Final Weekly Standings (FWS) for Week 7:

1. Sandy Kory ... 12-2
2. Robin Wood ... 11-3
3. John Weaver ... 10-4
3. Josh Money ... 10-4
5. Alex Mena ... 9-5
5. George Smith ... 9-5
5. Bill Denton ... 9-5
5. Matthew Mariam ... 9-5
5. Dave Labowitz ... 9-5
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 9-5
5. Zack Klein ... 9-5
12. Joey Bansen ... 8-6
12. Matthew Kory ... 8-6
14. Gedeon Mariam ... 7-7
15. Jonathan Peter Andrew Herald Oregano Stover ... 0-4,567 (actually 6-8)

Week 7 created some waves in the Current Overall Standings (COS).  Zack and John have flip-flopped places at the top on the basis of Zack's sub-par week (for him - if it was me I'd be throwing a damn party) and John's strong one.  Josh Money and Alex Mena are hang'n tough at #3 and 4 respectively (I already made a New Kids On The Block joke right?).  Our big movers this week are somewhat predictably Sandy who went from 13th overall to tied for 6th and Jonathan Jackson Pierre-Gustave Toutant-Beauregard Green-Ellis Van McStover who's plunge from 7th to 13th is at least partially due to the weight of his name.

Anyway, here are the Current Overall Standings (COS) through Week 7:

1. John Weaver ... 66-38
2. Zack Klein ... 65-39
2. Josh Money ... 65-39
4. Alex Mena ... 64-40
5. Matthew Mariam ... 63-41
6. Sandy Kory ... 62-42
6. Bill Denton ... 62-42
8. George Smith ... 60-44
8. Dave Labowitz ... 60-44
8. Karl Vaillancourt ... 60-44
11. Matthew Kory ... 59-45
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 58-46
13. Jonathan Horatio Granderson-Stover-Finkelsteinington Jones ... 58-46
14. Robin Wood ... 57-47
15. Joey Bansen ... 56-48

The schedule for Week 8 should be up shortly.  Congrats again to my brother, and have a great week, my peeps. 

Week 7: Update 2

Sorry folks, I like to have the results up by Tuesday morning but circumstances have dictated that its going to be a bit later. I hope to have the results and the schedule for Week 8 up by tonight. Sorry for the delay.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Week 7: Update

Wow, was Week 7 a strange week.  There were crazy comebacks (Cincy versus Atlanta), re-comebacks (Atlanta versus Cincy), and almost comebacks (Min versus GB).  The Redskins and Bears turned the ball over seven times... in the second half.  Oakland threatened to be the first team in a while to score over 70 points, but leading 59-14 after three quarters they called off the dogs.  There were huge upsets (Cleveland over New Orleans?), and almost upsets (Buffalo losing in OT to Baltimore).

But you knew all that already.  How did it impact the pool(poop)?  Well, lemme tell ya like this.

Going into Monday night, we have one person with 11 wins, and two with ten.  Sandy Kory, my brother, has 11 wins, while Robin Wood (in her best showing so far!) and Josh Money have 10.  Sadly for Robin, she picked the same team to win on Monday night - the Giants - that Sandy picked, so she can't make up the necessary game and therefore can't win this week. 

Josh went with the Cowboys however so should Dallas win Josh and Sandy will be tied.  If that happens, it'll come down to Monday Night Points (MNP!)!

In that case, Josh is in luck this week, because my brother, being a funny guy an idiot, picked 87 total points!  Ha Ha!  Hilarious!  If you find fucking yourself out of $70 is hilarious.*

*For the record, fucking yourself out of $70 is hilarious.

Josh picked 50 points, but it doesn't really matter.  If the Giants win Sandy will have 12 wins and will be crowned this week's big wiener despite actually being a moron.  If Dallas wins and the total score is 86 or under, Josh Money will have successfully defended his crown.  Just to be clear, if Dallas wins 48-28, Josh will win the pool and my brother will win a swift kick to the groinal region.

Best of luck to you both!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Week 7: Schedule

Week 7 starts this coming Sunday, October 24th at 1pm EST (that's 10am PST for those of who live out west).  Be sure to get your picks to me by then.

Cincinnati at Atlanta
Buffalo at Baltimore
Cleveland at New Orleans
San Francisco at Carolina
Philadelphia at Tennessee
St. Louis at Tampa Bay
Washington at Chicago
Jacksonville at Kansas City
Pittsburg at Miami
Arizona at Seattle
New England at San Diego
Oakland at Denver
Minnesota at Green Bay
NY "Anne Geddes Makes Me Puke" Giants at Dallas (plus total points)

Week 6: Results

Its time, once again, to go deep deep, possibly a bit too deep inside the NFL.

For us prognosticators, Week 6 was a tough nut to crack. What with all the parity going on and all, who can say what is going to happen?  I mean, really, who's better, Detroit or the New York "Hanky Panky Skanky" Giants? Any time over the last 30 years that would be a silly question to ask, but this season the Lions hung with the Giants. Same with my Redskins and the Colts. Pick any random point over the last decade including any time during the off season or when Peyton Manning was taking a dump, and the Colts still would've killed the Redskins. This season it was a one field goal game. Throw two overtime games into the mix and its all a total crapshoot. At least that's what I'm telling myself after going 7-7 this week. This week's winner may beg to differ.

Say, that reminds me, who did win Week 6 here at MFSAFP(p!)!?  In the words of Buckwheat, lets take a listen!  When last we spoke we had, lets say, a two and a half person race. On one hand we had Matthew Mariam and Josh Money and their ten wins apiece. On the other we had John Weaver, his nine wins and his crazy pick of Jacksonville to win the Monday nighter. John was the only one in the entire pool to pick Jacksonville, and you know what happens when you go out on a limb like that? That's right, the entire pool takes a stinky dump on your head.  Metaphorically speaking, of course.

The final score of the Monday night game was 30-3, but unfortunately for John, it wasn't as close as the score indicated. In a game that was a huge mismatch from the coin flip (Tennessee had the call and picked "land on its side") the Flaming Thumbtacks whipping the ever-lov'n sheet out of Jacksonville in front of approximately seven people, four of whom were contractually obligated to attend.

But back to the Pool(poop!)! As you may remember, if Tennessee won and the score was 42 or less, Josh Money was this week's big weiner, and low and behold that's exactly what happened!  Fantastic prognostication!  An extra hearty and capitalized Congratulations to Josh Money who has graciously agreed to donate his entire weekly winnings to the Our Lady Of Perpetual Sorrow church!  (editor's note: sorry Josh, we got our wires crossed a bit on that one)

So good job to Josh. You win this week's Weekly Standard Prize, which through a hilarious Wall Street trick, has been combined with the WSP for Weeks 8, 13 and 15, cut into a thousand little bits and sold to Chinese fur traders in Pakistan. Enjoy!

Here are the final standings for Week 6.

1. Josh Money ... 11-3
1. Matthew Mariam ... 11-3
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 10-4
4. Bill Denton ... 9-5
4. Joey Bansen ... 9-5
4. Dave Labowitz ... 9-5
4. John Weaver ... 9-5
4. Gedeon Mariam ... 9-5
9. Jon Stover ... 8-6
9. Sandy Kory ... 8-6
9. Robin Wood ... 8-6
9. Zack Klein ... 8-6
13. Alex Mena ... 7-7
13. George Smith ... 7-7
13. Matthew Kory ... 7-7

We now move on to the Current Overall Standings, where we find Zack Klein, much like '80s boy band New Kids on the Block, Hang'n Tough in the top spot.  But its not all Klein all the time.  Nope, Zack has company now with John Weaver, who I'd like to point out would be all alone in first if he hadn't picked Jacksonville to win tonight.  Good call on that one, John!  That said, those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and those who life in what is essentially a tie for twelfth place - such as myself - shouldn't talk shit lest they get some of the shit smeared on their face by someone who is bigger stronger and smarter than them.  In a related story, I love John Weaver!

And now its time for the Obligatory Dave Labowitz Joke Of The Week! (ODLJOTW!)!  I have to admit going into this year my only goal was to keep up with Dave Labowitz. In the words of a great American, Mission Accomplished! 

Here are the Current Overall Standings through Week 6:

1. Zack Klein ... 56-34
1. John Weaver ... 56-34
3. Josh Money ... 55-35
4. Alex Mena ... 54-36
4. Matthew Mariam ... 54-36
6. Bill Denton ... 53-37
7. Jon Stover ... 52-38
8. Gedeon Mariam ... 51-39
8. Matthew Kory ... 51-39
8. Dave Labowitz ... 51-39
8. George Smith ... 51-39
8. Karl Vaillancourt ... 51-39
13. Sandy Kory ... 50-40
14. Joey Bansen ... 48-42
15. Robin Wood ... 46-44

Congrats again to Josh, who I was rooting for because Matthew Mariam had the gall, the sheer chutzpah, to tie me in fantasy football .*shakes fist violently* I'll get you, Mariam, if its the last thing I do! 

The schedule for Week 7 will be up shortly.  Enjoy your week, everyone.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Week 6: Update

I'm not a Peyton Manning hater.  Some people are, but I'm not.  I mean, he's just an incredible quarterback.  And as a Redskins fan I get abused by him so infrequently that I can actually appreciate him.  That said, with the clock stopped, a minute left in the game which is effectively over, and everyone knowing you're going to run the dam ball, do you have to do the stupid ass leg pump four times then run around in circles pointing at invisible animals? 

Week 6!  Here after known as The Week I Didn't Do Very Well In!  Which, as you'll notice, does not distinguish it from four of the previous five weeks!  

Fifteen entered, but only three remain.  Yes, Week 6 has come down to three people.  Matthew Mariam and Josh "I'm the" Money both have 10 wins and Tennessee for the Monday nighter.  The ever pesky John Weaver has 9 wins and inexplicably picked Jacksonville.  (Seriously, you know they blow, right John?) If Jacksonville wins John, Matthew, and Josh will all have 10 wins.  If Tennessee wins, Josh and Matthew will be on top the totem pole with 11 wins each.  Here's how it breaks down.

If Jacksonville wins...
It'll come down to Monday Night Points!  Josh picked 37, John picked 42 and Matthew picked *drum roll* 43.  Meaning, John's F'd .  If the total score is between 0 and 41, Josh wins.  If it's 42 on the nose John wins, and if its 43 or over Matthew wins. 

If Tennessee wins...
It'll come down to Monday Night Points!  If the total score is between 0 and 42 Josh will win.  If its 43 or greater Matthew will win. 

That's it from the republic of Portland.  Good luck to all involved.  Stay tuned for the Weekly Report which'll happen tomorrow night if I can sleep this one off. 


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Week 6: Schedule

Keep yer pants on, here's the schedule for Week 6:

Atlanta at Philadelphia
Seattle at Chicago
Cleveland at Pittsburgh
Detroit at NY "Digestive Discomfort" Giants
Baltimore at New England
San Diego at St. Louis
Miami at Green Bay
New Orleans at Tampa Bay
Kansas City at Houston
New York Jets at Denver
Oakland at San Francisco
Dallas at Minnesota
Indianapolis at Washington
Tennessee at Jacksonville (plus total points)

Week 5: Results: Now With Swearing!

Ah, the fickle tastes of Monday Night Points. 

You may recall from last night's hilarious update Week 5 had come down to a four person race.  Alex Mena and Gedeon Mariam both had 8 wins and had hitched their proverbial horse to Minnesota on Monday Night.  Matthew Mariam and I both had 7 wins and New York.  If New York won, it was a four way tie, if Minnesota won, it was a two way tie.

As you know by now New York won.  Meaning it came down to a four way tie, so we'd need Monday Night Points!  A quick recap:

If the total points scored is 53 or greater, Gedeon wins. If its 52 on the nose, Alex wins. If its between 45 and 51, Matthew wins. If its 44 or less, I win.

The final score was 29-20 for a total of 49 points meaning Matthew Mariam is this week's winner!  Congratulations to (IF FAVRE DOESN'T THROW THAT LAST DAMN PICK-6 WITH A MINUTE REMAINING THE SCORE TOTALS 42 AND I WIN THE DAMN POOL FUCK BRETT FAVRE FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK HIM AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! [INJURES WRIST HITTING SELF IN HEAD]) Matthew Mariam who is a worthy winner!  Good show, Matthew. 

Yes, Matthew, a hearty Well Done! this week.  And, for your fantastic efforts, you win this week's special prize!  An autographed photo of Brett Favre!  That I have shat on!  Enjoy! 

Before we go through the final standings, you should all know that it was a tough week all around.  So don't feel too badly when you see how you did.  When the pool is won by a someone with only eight games, well, you know it was a brutal week.  

We had several games that were almost impossible to call.  Only one person correctly picked Oakland over San Diego (ME ME ME!!) and only one person got Tampa beating Cincinnati (Gedeon Mariam).  Nobody picked New Orleans to lose to Arizona, and considering the repeatedly fluky luck involved, we should be congratulating ourselves for getting that one wrong.  If they play that game again twenty times, New Orleans wins it every time. 

The real deciders, so to speak, this week were Washington beating Green Bay (54% correct), Chicago beating Carolina (38% correct) and the New York "Workers Paradise" Giants absolutely crushing Houston (15%). 

Also, as a Redskins fan, it is my sworn duty to let you know the Cowboys lost and are 1-3.  

The final standings for Week 5 are as follows:

1. Matthew Mariam ... 8-6
1. Matthew Kory ... 8-6
1. Gedeon Mariam ... 8-6
1. Alex Mena ... 8-6
5. Jon Stover .. 7-7
5. Bill Denton ... 7-7
7. George Smith ... 6-8
7. Dave Labowitz ... 6-8
7. Robin Wood ... 6-8
7. Sandy Kory ... 6-8
7. Josh Money ... 6-8
7. Karl Vaillancourt ... 6-8
7. John Weaver ... 6-8
14. Zack Klein ... 5-9
15. Joey Bansen ... 4-10

We've got a new leader this week in the overall standings.  Well, not new new, but he's all by his lonesome for the first time, and that's Zack Klein.  John Weaver fell a game behind Zack while Alex Mena climbed into a second place tie. After that, things get murkier. 

1. Zack Klein ... 48-28
2. Alex Mena ... 47-29
2. John Weaver ... 47-29
4. George Smith ... 44-32
4. Matthew Kory ... 44-32
4. Bill Denton ... 44-32
4. Jon Stover ... 44-32
4. Josh Money ... 44-32
9. Matthew Mariam ... 43-33
10. Dave Labowitz ... 42-34
10. Gedeon Mariam ... 42-34
10. Sandy Kory ... 42-34
13. Karl Vaillancourt ... 41-35
14. Joey Bansen ... 39-39
15. Robin Wood ... 38-40

Week 6 Schedule to come.  Congrats again to Matthew Mariam, whom I'd like to formally invite to take a long walk off my newly painted short pier, preferably with some new and highly fashionable cement shoes.  I'll even spring for your pair! 

Have a great week everyone!*

*Except Matt.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Week 5: Update

I am an idiot, but we'll cover that in a second. 

For now, Week 5 is a four person race.  The pack is led by Gedeon Mariam and Alex Mena, both with 8 wins, both of who have picked Minnesota to beat the Jets on Monday night.  That, my friends, is called an opening. 

Three people trail Gedeon and Alex by a game.  Jon Stover, Matthew Mariam, and yours truly - pause for shock - all have 7 wins so far and are thus a single game behind the leaders.  But, because Jon picked Minnesota as Gedeon and Alex did, he can't gain the necessary game on them.  So, sadly, he can't win the week.  So sorry, Jon. 

Contrary to Jon, Matthew and I both picked the Jets to beat Minnesota.  If that happens, there will be a four way tie between Alex, Gedeon, myself, and Matthew.  If it doesn't, the tie will be two way between Gedeon and Alex.

So here's the breakdown:

If Minnesota wins...

Gedeon and Alex will be tied with 9 wins so it'll come down to Monday Night Points!  Gedeon picked 53 total points and Alex picked 52 so if the score is 53 totals or greater Gedeon wins.  If it totals 52 or less, Alex wins. 

If New York wins...

Gedeon and Alex's 8 win party will be joined by Matthew and I.  Matthew picked 45 points and I picked 36.  So if the total points scored is 53 or greater, Gedeon wins.  If its 52 on the nose, Alex wins.  If its between 45 and 51, Matthew wins.  If its 44 or less, I win.  Go me. 

Oh, and why am I an idiot?  Well, let this be a lesson to all you kids out there.  When submitting your picks, make sure you've entered a pick for each game.  Not entering a pick for each game is like picking Buffalo to win - you may as well just not bother. 

If you check my picks for the week (I submit my picks before the first game into the comments section of each week's schedule post) I foolishly neglected to choose a winner between Denver and Baltimore.  I didn't chose either team, and so, in the words of a great American, I gets none. 

I'll tell you right now, there's no way in hell I'd have chosen Denver, and I'd have told you that before the game and after the game regardless of who won.  Doesn't matter.  Not good enough.  No game was submitted (and still isn't) and so I don't get credit.  Meaning I could easily have had 8 games won, and be in a position where my Monday Night pick winning would mean I won the pool.  But no.  I'm an idiot. 


Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Week 5: Schedule

Here is your Week 5 Schedule, peeps. Week 5 officially commences on Sunday at 1pm EST.  Need your picks by that time, puh-leeese.

Jacksonville at Buffalo            
Denver at Baltimore            
Kansas City at Indianapolis
Green Bay at Washington            
St. Louis at Detroit
Chicago at Carolina            
Tampa Bay at Cincinnati
Atlanta at Cleveland            
New York “Reliant Robin” Giants at Houston
New Orleans at Arizona
Tennessee at Dallas
San Diego at Oakland
Philadelphia at San Francisco
Minnesota at New York Jets (plus total points)

Week 4: Results

My, does time fly.  Seems like just yesterday I was pooping in my diapers and today, well, I'm pooping right in my pants.  Things sure do change fast, don't they?

One thing that doesn't change, apparently, is me not winning.  I felt pretty good about my picks this week, but like the other three weeks this year, I wasn't nearly good enough.  Nope.  Jon Stover, and Zack Klein both pulled down eleven wins.  Karl Vaillancourt made a valiant attempt to join the eleven win club, but Miami fell short by about 30 points - doh!  Nice try anyway, Karl.

So it came down to Jon Stover versus Zack Klein.  One thing I discovered while writing this post is you can't make a good anagram out of either of Jon Stover's or Zack Klein's names unless you include their middle names which are "Goatsmilk" and Framboise, respectively.

The Monday Night game totaled 55 points.  Zack guessed 19 but Jon out-guessed him by choosing 43. So by virtue of the fact that Jon was closer to the actual total, which is the point in the first place, Jon Stover is this week's big wiener!

A hearty congratulations goes out to Jonananananathan Goatsmilk Stovererer, IV!  That sentence is even funnier if you try to read it out loud.  Anyway.  But, before we get ourselves all worked up, ya know what?  Normally Jon would win a flaming set of matching toads, or an almanac from 1832 with penises drawn in sharpie on every page, but this week I'm not even going to make something up for Jon to win.  You know why?  Ol' Goatsmilk bought a monthly pass on Jet Blue Airlines - he could fly anywhere in the country he wanted - and he went just about everywhere EXCEPT Portland, Oregon.  Know who lives in Portland, Oregon?  Nobody apparently, except yours truly.  So, Goatsmilk, you win the damn WSP of $70, alright?  Get off my back.  Also, I hereby deputize George Smith (of the 38-24 Smiths) to boot your nads right good.  Enjoy.  And congratulations.  

Here are the final standings for Week 4:

1. Jon Stover ... 11-3
1. Zack Klein ... 11-3
3. Sandy Kory ... 10-4
4. Josh Money ... 9-5
4. Matthew Kory ... 9-5
4. Alex Mena ... 9-5
4. Karl Vaillancourt ... 9-5
8. John Weaver ... 8-6
8. Matthew Mariam ... 8-6
8. Dave Labowitz ... 8-6
8. George Smith ... 8-6
8. Bill Denton ... 8-6
13. Robin Wood ... 7-7
13. Gedeon Mariam ... 7-7
15. Joey Bansen ... 6-8

Just for fun I took a quick look at how we as a whole did the best on all the games.  Here's how we did in chart form:

As you can see, everybody guessed New Orleans, Green Bay, Atlanta, and Houston would win.  Nobody guessed Indianapolis would lose to Jacksonville.  Only four people picked Washington over Philadelphia, Denver over Tennessee, Cleveland over Cincinnati, and the Bears over the Giants.  Only one person picked Buffalo to beat the Jets (they got crushed) and only one person picked Arizona to beat San Diego (they got crushed). 

As for the Current Overall Standings (COS), we had a flip-flop at the very top with Zack Klein jumping ahead of John Weaver.  We're also seeing a fair bit of stratification already as Zack has a two game lead over the field and an eleven game lead over fifteenth place.  Also of note, I am tied with Dave Labowitz.  In case you were wondering, that is an insult.

1. Zack Klein ... 43-19
2. John Weaver ... 41-21
3. Alex Mena ... 39-23
4. Josh Money ... 38-24
4. George Smith ... 38-24
6. Bill Denton ... 37-25
6. Jon Stover ... 37-25
8. Sandy Kory ... 36-26
8. Matthew Kory ... 36-26
8. Dave Labowitz ... 36-26
11. Joey Bansen ... 35-27
11. Karl Vaillancourt ... 35-27
11. Matthew Mariam ... 35-27
14. Gedeon Mariam ... 34-28
15. Robin Wood ... 32-30

The schedule for Week 5 will be posted shortly.  Congrats again to Goatsmilk Stover.  Hope them balls ain't too sore after Dr. Smith gets a'hold of 'em.

Monday, October 04, 2010

Week 4: Update! [Now With Accuracy!!]

[Warning: this post has been edited for accuracy.  the truth, gentle souls, is when i write posts at 1am PST mistakes are sometimes made.]

Good evening, folks.  Its been a long but exciting weekend here at MFSAFP(p!)!HQ.  Just got back from the Columbia Gorge where everything is pretty, even in the rain.  Fortunately, we made it through the whole weekend without the wet stuff and even hit up the Hood River Hopsfest where, true story, we drank beer till our heads hurt.

While I was running about the gorge, large sweaty mens in tight pants were hurling themselves at each other while other sweaty mens were throwing balls all about.  It must have been a sight to see.  Sadly, I missed it all, but through the magic of the internets I know exactly what happened.

Thirteen/fourteenths of Week 4 have been completed and we know this much: we have a two leaders and a few followers.  The One leader is Jon Stover, who I believe is currently being held captive by Peruvian rebels at, and this part hasn't yet been confirmed, the state route twelve Burger King.  Jon has ten wins so far.

So does Zack Klein. I am unaware of Mr. Klein's whereabouts, but I know this: the man can count, which is more than can be said of yours truly.

Three Two people have nine wins so far.  Those people are Sandy Kory, Zack Klein, and Karl Vaillancourt.  In order to catch Jon those people have to pick up one game on him with only one remaining.  Both Jon and Zack picked New England over Miami in Monday Night's AFC East slugfest.  So did Sandy, meaning no matter what happens on Monday, Sandy will be a game behind Jon and Zack.  Karl picked Miami.  So he's got a chance.

If Miami wins on Monday then Zack, Jon and Karl will be tied with ten wins and we'll have ourselves a good old fashioned Monday Night Points-off! (MNP-o!)!  Zack picked 19, Karl went with 29 total points and Jon has 43.  If Miami wins and the total score is 28 or under, Zack wins.  If its between 29 and 42, Karl wins. If its 43 or over, Jon wins. 

If New England wins tonight, and the final score is between zero and 42, Zack wins.  If New England wins and the final score is 43 or over, Jon wins. 

Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion and a bunch of other hilarious crap, like the Current Overall Standings (COS).  It'll be a dandy.

I'd also like to point out that Sandy was the only one to pick Buffalo to beat the Jets.  They lost 38-14 so he doesn't deserve to win anyway.