Monday, December 31, 2007


In the words of a famous American, "Thats all, folks!" MSAFP(p!)! is in the books, and the big weiner is in. The Envelope, please!

But first, we'll do small potatoes. Week 17 was clearly the last week, as only about 0.8% of you bothered to send your picks in. For shame, people, for shame! Next year, I've gotta come up with a better way to penalize people who don't send their picks in on time... but I digress. Anyway, of the people who bothered to send their picks in (I've only included them below), the winner was (surprise, surprise, surprise...)...


Dave is the big weiner for Week 17 and will receive a WSP in the mail at some point! Congrats, Dave. Don't forget to send flowers!

The standings for the final week were as follows:

1. Dave (12-4) (came closest to the point total, though went over)
1. Joshu (12-4) (went WAAAAAAAAAAY over; Doh!)
3. Me! (11-5)
3. Bill (11-5)
3. Scott (11-5)
6. George (10-6)
7. Matt M. (9-7)
8. Josh (8-8)
9. Molly (7-9)
14. Everyone else. Ppppsb!

So, now the moment that Dave and Scott and maybe Bill have been waiting for! Who came in first place overall? Would it be Scott, or Dave, or would Bill make a run at the last second? Oh the suspense is killing me. The answer is, of course, Dave won. Yay. (Yawn) He beat Scott by one game. Poor poor (poop!) Scott. He'll only be walking away with $140 in ciz-zash miz-zoney. As for Dave, he'll get D308. You'll notice that there is no '$' symbol in front of Dave's winnings. Thats because Dave will not be paid in normal American dollars. Nope. He'll be getting 308 'Dave Dollars'. For a complete history of Dave Dollars find Bill, give him 8 shots of Jagermeister, sit back, listen and enjoy.

In all seriousness, Congratulations to Dave for kicking our asses most righteously. Enjoy it while it lasts, because yr going down next year, friend. DOWN!

Here are the final standings for the 2007 Matty's Second Annual Football Pool (poop!)!


1. Dave "Whole Lotta Winn'n" Labowitz (171-85)
2. Scott "Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades" Rozsa (170-86)
3. Bill "No DaveDollars for me" Denton(168-88)
4. Joey "Mov'n on up... to tha east side..." Bansen (165-91)
4. Jon "Mov'n on back... to tha est coast..." Stover (165-91)
4. Zack "I live in LA, so f y'all bitches" Klein (165-91)
7. Me! (164-92)
8. Josh "Not in the money" Money (163-93)
8. Tyler "Also not in the money" Christofferson (163-93)
8. George "Paying attention since 2003" Smith (163-93)
11. Molly "the highest ranking woman ever in the history of the pool (poop!)!" (161-95)
11. Sandy "Also the highest ranking woman ever in the history of the pool (poop!)" (161-95)
13. Joshu "Ahh for the old days of 2006..." (160-96)
14. Matt "If you reverse my record I suck even more!" M. (154-102)

I hope everyone had a fun time this season with this pool. I'll be in touch again with you all before next football season, and hopefully you'll all be back (and tell a friend or two) about Matty's Third Annual Football Pool (poop!)!

Also, I'll be putting all the remaining checks in the mail this week, so watch your mailbox vigilantly.

If anyone has any suggestions regarding the pool, or any comments, please feel free to email me at and let me know.

I wish you all a happy and healthy new year, and all the best in the coming year.


Wednesday, December 26, 2007


Here is the schedule for Week 17, the last week of MSAFP(p!)! Its been a pleasure, peeps. The first game starts this Saturday night at 8pm EST. I'll need all of your picks, plus you MNP by that time.

New England at NY Giants
San Francisco at Cleveland
Detroit at Green Bay
New Orleans at Chicago
Jacksonville at Houston
Carolina at Tampa Bay
Buffalo at Philadelphia
Cincinnati at Miami
Seattle at Atlanta
Minnesota at Denver
Pittsburgh at Baltimore
Dallas at Washington
Kansas City at NY Jets
San Diego at Oakland
St. Louis at Arizona
Tenessee at Indianapolis (plus total points)


This is it, folks.

The final week of MSAFP(p!)! is here. But first I wanted to say that I've enjoyed doing this pool for the second year in a row. I know I haven't been as up-to-date as I'd like and I haven't been as hilarious as last year, but thems the breaks. You get married, you get a job, these things happen to you. Next thing you know you're getting hairs growing out of your nose and it takes you twenty minutes to take a dump. Its coming people, so get ready.

But in the meantime, theres one more exciting 'n moist week of MSAFP(p!)! to go, so go for the gusto, ma peeps. You've got one more week to throw all the turds at the wall that you possibly can. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Week 17 is almost upon us, but I can't forget Week 16. It was an exciting week that came down to the wire. First here were how the standings finished.

1. Matthew M. (12-4)
1. Jon (12-4)
3. Scott (11-5) (glad you didn't pick Buffalo, huh?)
3. Sandy(11-5)
3. Joey (11-5)
3. George (11-5)
7. Joshu (10-6)
7. Tyler (10-6)
7. Josh (10-6)
7. Zack (10-6)
7. Dave (10-6)
12. Me! (9-7)
12. Molly (9-7)
12. Bill (9-7) (we're finishing strong to the hole, eh Bill)

You'll notice a tie at the top of the standings. Thus we go to Monday Night Points for the tiebreaker. Jon picked 41 points while Matthew picked 37. The final score was San Diego, 23-3, for a total of 26 points. As both were over that total, the winner is the one who got the closest, and that would be...

Matthew Mariam!

Congrats, Matt. You've managed to finish last in like a billion consecutive weeks and some how you still win your money back. This should be a lesson folks. Throw enough turds at the wall and some are bound to stick.... kinda makes you wanna fire up a big 'ol bowl of the Cocoa Puffs, huh?

So, you may ask, where does that leave us overall? Well, funny you should ask. Here are the cumulative standings through Week 16:

1. Scott (159-81)
1. Dave (159-81)
3. Bill (157-83)
4. Zack (155-85)
4. Josh (155-85)
4. Joey (155-85)
4. Jon (155-85)
8. Molly (154-86)
9. Me! (153-87)
9. George (153-87)
9. Tyler (153-87)
12. Sandy (151-89)
13. Joshu (148-92)
14. Matt M. (145-95)

Thats right, its a horse race at the top with Scott and Dave duking it out for first, Bill breathing down their necks (yummy), and four others only four games and one great week away from doing something huge. Its anybody's game.

I'll be posting the schedule for Week 17 momentarily. The first game is the Saturday night Pats/G'nts game in NY in which I fully expect half of you to pick NY. Don't forget to send me your picks. I need all of the games, MNP, and I need them by the start of the game on Saturday Night.

Hope you all had/are having an excellent Holiday season.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Here are the final standings for Week 15:

1. Matthew M. (11-5)
1. Jon (11-5)
3. Dave (10-6)
3. Sandy (10-6)
5. Molly (9-7)
5. George (9-7)
5. Me! (9-7)
5. Bill (9-7)
5. Zack (9-7)
5. Josh (9-7)
5. Tyler (9-7)
5. Scott (9-7)
5. Joey (9-7)
14. Joshu (8-8)

aaaaaaaaaaand overall:

1. Scott (150-74)
2. Dave (149-75)
3. Bill (148-76)
4. Molly (145-79)
4. Zack (145-79)
4. Josh (145-79)
7. Me! (144-80)
7. Joey (144-80)
9. Jon (143-81)
9. Tyler (143-81)
11. George (142-82)
12. Sandy (140-84)
13. Joshu (138-86)
14. Matt M. (133-91)


No update right now. Apologies for that, but sometimes thats the way it goes. Please, feel free to post comments below calling me names if you feel so inclined. I'll be sure to post the standings tonight.

Remember, Week 16 starts tomorrow night.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Here is the schedule for Week 16, which starts this Thursday at 7:15pm EST. Why then? I have no idea. Get me your picks by the start of that game or you won't be eligible for this week's WSP.

Pittsburgh at St. Louis
Dallas at Carolina
NY Giants at Buffalo
Green Bay at Chicago
Cleveland at Cincinnati
Kansas City at Detroit
Houston at Indianapolis
Oakland at Jacksonville
Washington at Minnesota
Miami at New England
Philadelphia at New Orleans
Atlanta at Arizona
Baltimore at Seattle
NY Jets at Tennessee
Tampa Bay at San Francisco
Denver at San Diego (plus total points)


I'm at work, so I don't have the pool spreadsheet in front of me, but I'm pretty sure that this week's winner is Matthew Mariam, who managed to throw enough crap against the wall that some of it finally stuck. Isn't that a pleasant image to wake up to?

So, preliminary congrats t0 Matt. I'll post the results for this week and the up-to-the minute overall standings when I get home tonight.

Also, remember that Week 16 annoyingly begins this Thursday night (December 20th) at the inexplicable time of 7:15pm EST. I'll need all of your picks in my inbox by the start of that game for you to be eligible for the Week 16 WSP. As such, I'll post the schedule for Week 16 at lunch later today.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


Here are the results for Week 14.

1. Josh (15-1)
2. Zack (14-2)
2. Matthew M. (14-2)
2. Joey (14-2)
5. George (13-3)
5. Joshu (13-3)
5. Sandy (13-3)
5. Scott (13-3)
5. Molly (13-3)
10. Bill (12-4)
10. Tyler (12-4)
10. Jon (12-4)
10. Dave (12-4)
14. Me! (11-5)

That means that Josh Money is the winner! Congratulations, Josh. Josh: If you don't mind, kindly email me your correct address so I can make sure you get your check.

As for the rest of you losers, its Week 15 coming up, so essentially its desperation time. Theres only so much time left to catch Scott for the big prize so don't forget to pick the Jets over the Pats this week.

1. Scott (141-67)
2. Bill (139-69)
2. Dave (139-69)
4. Josh (136-72)
4. Zack (136-72)
4. Molly (136-72)
7. Me! (135-73)
7. Joey (135-73)
9. Tyler (134-74)
10. George (133-75)
11. Jon (132-76)
12. Joshu (130-78)
12. Sandy (130-87)
14. Matthew (122-86)

Also, don't forget to send me your picks by game time this Thursday night (8pm, EST) to make sure you are eligible for this week's Weekly Standard Prize (WSP). Have a great week.

Monday, December 10, 2007


Week 15 starts this Thursday, December 13th, at 8pm. I'll need all of your picks by then. Heres the schedule:

Denver at Houston
Cincinnati at San Francisco
NY Jets at New England
Jacksonville at Pittsburgh
Seattle at Carolina
Baltimore at Miami
Green Bay at St. Louis
Arizona at New Orleans
Tennessee at Kansas City
Buffalo at Cleveland
Atlanta at Tampa Bay
Indianapolis at Oakland
Philadelphia at Dallas
Detroit at San Diego
Washington at NY Giants
Chicago at Minnesota (plus total points)


We have a winner!

And, my guess is the winner knows who s/he is (only one loss so far). I'll post the results and up-to-date overall standings either tomorrow or Wednesday morning. I'll try to do it tomorrow, but I'm going to be at work for a long time tomorrow so I may not be able to do it until Wednesday.

Also, we have yet another irritating Thursday night football game this week, folks. That means that I'll need ALL of your picks before that game starts. If you are late with your picks, 1) you aren't eligible for that week's WSP, and 2) you'll automatically get the home team for which ever games you are late on.

I'll post the schedule for Week 15 tonight, so don't forget to send your picks in on time!

Have a great week.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007


Before I go to the results, don't forget to send me your picks for Week 14 (the schedule is posted below) before 8pm EST, tomorrow, Thursday.

Ok, here are the results for Week 13 and the up-to-date overall standings.

Week 13 Standings:

1. Tyler (12-4)
2. Scott (11-5)
2. Sandy (11-5)
4. Me (10-6)
4. Joey (10-6)
4. Dave (10-6)
4. Molly (10-6)
4. Josh (10-6)
9. Bill (9-7)
9. Joshu (9-7)
9.Jon (9-7)
9.Zack (9-7)
13. Matt M. (8-8)
13. George (8-8)

Overall Standings

1. Scott (128-64)
2. Dave (127-65)
2. Bill (127-65)
4. Me (124-68)
5. Molly (123-69)
6. Tyler (122-70)
6. Zack (122-70)
8. Josh (121-71)
8. Joey (121-71)
10. George (120-72)
10. Jon (120-72)
12. Josh (117-75)
12. Sandy (117-75)
14. Matt M. (108-84)


Here is the schedule for Week 14. Remember, Skins/Bears tomorrow night at 8pm EST, so I'll need all your picks by then to be eligible for the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP).

Chicago at Washington
Carolina at Jacksonville
Miami at Buffalo
San Diego at Tennessee
Tampa Bay at Houston
Oakland at Green Bay
Dallas at Detroit
NY Giants at Philadelphia
St. Louis at Cincinnati
Arizona at Seattle
Minnesota at San Francisco
Kansas City at Denver
Pittsburgh at New England
Cleveland at NY Jets
Indianapolis at Baltimore
New Orleans at Atlanta (plus total points)

Monday, December 03, 2007


Thanks to Bill calling me an "asshat", I now have my priorities in the right place. So, unlike last week where you had to wait the better part of the week to find out what happened in your beloved pool(poop!), this week I'm endeavoring to get you up-to-date information as soon as I can at the cost of not only my personal life, but my job if necessary. Thanks, Bill, for setting me straight!

Please be aware that, despite having to bury a murdered teammate today, my falling-faster-than-a-rock-off-a-cliff Redskins will kick off Week 14 against the Chicago Bears this Thursday night. So, I'll need all of your picks by the start of that game or you won't be eligible to win that week's Weekly Standard Prize (WSP).

With all that in mind, the winner of Week 13 has already been decided. That person is....


Congrats, Tyler, on your first (I think) WSP.

In other news, Week 13 has created a shakeup at the top of the overall standings. So tune in tomorrow when I post the standings to find out who the new leader is.

Also, I'll try to post the schedule for Week 14 as soon as tonight so you'll have some time to look it over before sending it in.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. More tomorrow...

Thursday, November 29, 2007


I'm sorry I haven't had time to post the final standings for Week 12 and the overall standings, but its been a very busy week here at MSAFP(p!)!HQ. So, without further ado (poop!), here they are in all their moist bear-fearing glory:

Week 12

1. Zack (12-4)
1. Josh (12-4)
1. Molly (12-4)
4. Joey (11-5)
4. Tyler (11-5)
6. Scott (10-6)
6. Josh (10-6)
6. Sandy (10-6)
6. Bill (10-6)
6. Dave (10-6)
6. Me (10-6)
12. Matt M. (9-7)
12. Jon (9-7)
12. George (9-7)


1. Bill (118-58)
2. Dave (117-59)
2. Scott (117-59)
4. Me (114-62)
5. Zack (113-63)
5. Molly (113-63)
7. George (112-64)
8. Joey (111-65)
8. Josh (111-65)
8. Jon (111-65)
11. Tyler (110-66)
12. Joshu (108-68)
13. Sandy (106-70)
14. Matt M. (100-76)

Don't forget to send me your picks for Week 13, which convienently (or not) starts tonight.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


Here is the schedule for Week 13. The first game starts at 8pm this Thursday (November 29), so I'll need your picks by then:

Green Bay at Dallas
San Francisco at Carolina
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
San Diego at Kansas City
NY Jets at Miami
Detroit at Minnesota
Tampa Bay at New Orleans
Seattle at Philadelphia
Atlanta at St. Louis
Houston at Tennessee
Buffalo at Washington
Cleveland at Arizona
Denver at Oakland
NY Giants at Chicago
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
New England at Baltimore (plus total points)


With the Steeler's win last night by the improbable score of 3-0, Zack Klein becomes this week's winner! Congrats to Zack. I've been having some computer issues recently so, Zack, if you could email me your address, I'll get that check out to you soon.

As for the rest of you losers, I'll be posting the schedule for Week 13 in a few hours, which starts this Thursday at 8:00pm EST.

Monday, November 26, 2007


Week 12 is almost in the books and we've got a three horse race. So far, Josh, Molly, and Zack are 11-4 on the week. Everyone in the pool picked Pittsburgh, so it'll come down to total points. Here are the selections (so you can follow along at home):

Zack: 30 points
Josh: 37
Molly: 38

Remember, its the closest without going over, so if the score totals 36 or less, Zack will win, if it totals 37 then Josh will win, and if its 38 or over then Molly takes the WSP. Good luck! I'll post the results plus the schedule for Week 13 tomorrow around lunch time.

Also, don't forget, we've got another early week coming up. Dallas and Green Bay play this Thursday night (thats November 29th) at 8:15pm EST, so I'll need ALL of your picks by then.

Hope everyone had a happy and healthy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


Apologies for the late posting here. Its been a busy week. So, as you probably already know, Bill Denton was this week’s winner. He wins a big bag of Shut-the-f*ck-up. No, unfortunately, he wins the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of $56 which I’ll mail to him just as soon as I find my checkbook.

As promised, here are the final standings for Week 11:

1. Bill (14-2)
2. Me (13-3)
2. Zack (13-3)
4. Joshu (12-4)
4. Josh (12-4)
4. Scott (12-4)
4. Dave (12-4)
8. Joey (11-5)
8. Jon (11-5)
8. Tyler (11-5)
11. Molly (10-6)
11. Sandy (10-6)
13. George (8-8)
13. Matt M. (8-8)

So, after 11 weeks of moist, succulent football action, here are the overall standings:

1. Bill (108-52)
2. Dave (107-53)
3. Scott (105-55)
4. Me! (104-56)
5. George (103-57)
6. Jon (102-58)
7. Molly (101-59)
7. Zack (101-59)
9. Joey (100-60)
10. Tyler (99-61)
10. Josh (99-61)
12. Joshu (98-62)
13. Sandy (96-64)
14. Matt M. (91-69)

Again, we’ve still got 6 weeks, or 1/3 of the season (essentially) to go, so if you aren’t in first, don’t give up hope. (If you are in first, give up hope!)

A final reminder: Week 12 begins tomorrow at 12:30pm EST. I don’t have picks from everyone yet, so please please please send me your damn picks. The schedule for Week 12 is listed below.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


Heres the schedule for Week 12: Turkey Week. I'll need your picks before 12:30pm EST on Thursday. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Green Bay at Detroit
NY Jets at Dallas
Indianapolis at Atlanta
Tennessee at Cincinnati
Seattle at St. Louis
Minnesota at NY Giants
New Orleans at Carolina
Washington at Tampa Bay
Houston at Cleveland
Buffalo at Jacksonville
Oakland at Kansas City
San Francisco at Arizona
Denver at Chicago
Baltimore at San Diego
Philadelphia at New England
Miami at Pittsburgh (plus total points)


Forgive my brevity, but its 6am. Denver beat Tennessee, so Bill Denton is this week's winner (cough AHOLE cough)! Congrats, Bill!

I'll post the updated standings as soon as I can, but that likely won't be till late tonight or early tomorrow (sorry, today is going to be pretty busy). In the meantime, remember that Week 12 starts this Thursday because of Thanksgiving. The first NFL game of the week is Thursday at 12:30pm (thats half hour after noon) so I'll need your picks by then. I'll post the schedule for Week 12 in a moment.

Again, congrats to Bill, and I hope you all have a happy and healthy Thanksgiving week.

Sunday, November 18, 2007


I'll publish the results for Week 11 and the schedule for Week 12 after tomorrow's game. Remember, because of the Thanksgiving holiday, Week 12 will begin THIS THURSDAY, so I'll need ALL of your picks before the first game starts on Thursday.

After a full slate on Sunday, this week comes down to two of us: yours truly, and Bill. Both of us are 13-2 on the week. The Monday Night game will determine your Week 11 winner. I picked Tennessee while Bill picked Denver.

Monday, November 12, 2007


Here is the schedule for Week 11, folks. (The results for Week 10 are below.) Week 11 games start on Sunday, November 18th at 1pm EST. I'll need your picks by then.

Oakland at Minnesota
Miami at Philadelphia
New York "Meaningless Corporate Propaganda" Giants at Detroit
Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Cleveland at Baltimore
Arizona at Cincinnati
Carolina at Green Bay
New Orleans at Houston
Kansas City at Indianapolis
San Diego at Jacksonville
Pittsburgh at New York Jets
St. Louis at San Francisco
Chicago at Seattle
Washington at Dallas
New England at Buffalo
Tennessee at Denver (plus total points)


OK, OK, you saw the update (here). You know who won (me). You don’t care. You just want to know how you did and where you are in relation to the other pool (poop!) participants.

Well, tough sh*t, because I WON I WON I WON I WON!!!

Here are the results for Week 10: The Other Week I Won:

1. Me (9-5)
2. Bill (8-6)
2. Jon (8-6)
4. Molly (7-7)
4. Tyler (7-7)
4. Dave (7-7)
4. Zack (7-7)
4. Josh (7-7)
4. Joey (7-7)
10. Sandy (6-8)
10. Scott (6-8)
10. Joshu (6-8)
10. George (6-8)
14. Matthew M. (5-9)

And now, here are the up-to-date, cumulative, and current results for the whole year:

1. George (95-49)
1. Dave (95-49)
3. Bill (94-50)
4. Scott (93-51)
5. Jon (91-53)
5. Molly (91-53)
5. Matt K. (91-53)
8. Joey (89-55)
9. Zack (88-56)
9. Tyler (88-56)
11. Josh (87-57)
12. Joshu (86-58)
12. Sandy (86-58)
14. Matthew M. (83-61)

Looks like we’ve got the first tier and then everyone else. I’ll be posting the schedule for Week 11 shortly.

Have a happy week, everyone.


*annoying trumpeting*





Its me. Again. Sorry.

More later.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007


And so begins the second half of MSAFP(p!)! May the luckiest bastard win!

The games start at 1pm EST this Sunday, November 11th, so I'll need your picks by then. Here's the schedule for Week 10:

Atlanta at Carolina
Minnesota at Green Bay
Denver at Kansas City
Buffalo at Miami
St. Louis at New Orleans
Cleveland at Pittsburgh
Jacksonville at Tennessee
Philadelphia at Washington
Cincinnati at Baltimore
Detroit at Arizona
Dallas at NY "Jeremy Shockey is a Douche" Giants
Chicago at Oakland
Indianapolis at San Diego
San Francisco at Seattle (plus total points)

mmmm... good luck....


Hey gang, Week 9 is now in the books. We’re now half way through this wonderful whirlwind that we call the NFL season. Its time to pay attention to the over all standings. All those mistakes you made in Week 3 when you were too busy looking at internet porn to make informed picks doesn’t have to come back to bite you. Indeed, this is the time to turn it up a notch *Boom!* like Emeril. Throw some spices on that shit.

With that in mind, I’m ready and willing to announce to you the winner of Week 9. The winner of this week’s WSP won the pool outright, no MNPs necessary. Which is lucky because this person didn’t do such a hot job picking MNPs, if you know what I mean, and I think ya do.

So, without further ado (poop!), the winner of this week’s pool is…

Dave Labowitz!

PSYCH! Actually, Its me!! Welcome to the winner’s circle, me! For my awesomeness, I receive the passenger's side door from the ’74 Chevy Vega that’s been parked in my building’s parking lot for the past four months. I'm finally going to take that thing off with a crow bar! Yay!

No, if wishing only made it so… Instead I must settle for the WSP. Guess what, peeps? I’m going to spend it all on beer! And a crow bar.

Here are the final standings for Week 9:

1. Me!!.........12-2
2. Dave…..…11-3
2. Joey……..11-3
2. Bill………..11-3
2. George……11-3
6. Zack………10-4
6. Molly……..10-4
6. Scott………10-4
9. Tyler……….9-5
9. Josh………..9-5
9. Matthew M....9-5
12. Joshu………8-6
12. Sandy……...8-6
14. Jon………..7-7

This week didn’t have a huge amount of impact on the overall standings. You lookee:

1. George…..89-41
2. Dave…….88-42
3. Scott……..87-43
4. Bill……….86-44
5. Molly…….84-46
6. Jon……..83-47
7. Joey…….82-48
7. Matty (me!)…82-48
9. Tyler…….81-49
9. Zack……..81-49
11. Joshu……80-50
11. Josh……..80-50
11. Sandy……80-50
14. Matt M…..78-52

Don’t be discouraged if you aren’t at the top. There is lots of time (one whole half season, if that makes any sense) to catch up. You can start in Week 10, the schedule for which I’ll post shortly.

Hope you all have a happy week.

Friday, November 02, 2007


Heres the schedule for the real Week 9. I'll need your picks by Sunday at 1pm EST. Sorry for the late posting.

San Diego at Minnesota
Carolina at Tennessee
Arizona at Tampa Bay
Washington at NY Jets
San Francisco at Atlanta
Cincinnati at Buffalo
Denver at Detroit
Green Bay at KC
Jacksonville at New Orleans
Seattle at Cleveland
Houston at Oakland
New England at Indianapolis
Dallas at Philadelphia
Baltimore at Pittsburgh (plus total points)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


Stupid full-time job!

Again, apologies for the late posting. I hope you’ll stick with me as I ease my way into getting up every day at 5:45am, coming home at 5pm, running (a supposed remedy for my newfound fatness), and then collapsing from overall exhaustion. Boo-hoo, I know.

OK, back to the pool (poop). Week 8 (not Week 9, as so many of you pointed out) is now in the books and we have a winner. But first, my Redskins suck. Now back to that whole ‘winner’ thing (which, as you will see, I know nothing about). Here are the standings for Week 8:

1. George….11-2
1. Josh…..11-2
1. Tyler….11-2
4. Joshu….10-3
4. Molly….10-3
4. Scott…..10-3
4. Bill……10-3
8. Zack….9-4
8. Dave….9-4
8. Matthew K…9-4
8. Jon…….9-4
8. Joey…..9-4
13. Matthew M…8-5 (whoops!)
14. Sandy…..7-6

George also goes so far as to take over the top spot in the overall standings. Evidenced here:

1. George…78-38
2. Dave…77-39
2. Scott….77-39
4. Jon….76-40
5. Bill….75-41
6. Molly….74-42
7. Tyler….72-44
7. Joshu….72-44
7. Sandy….72-44
10. Zack…..71-45
10. Josh….71-45
10. Joey….71-45
13. Matthew K…70-46 (at least I’m consistent, right Joe Morgan?)
14. Matthew M….69-47

Apparently theres something about the name “Matthew” that causes you to suck. Anyway, congrats if you won, sorry if you didn’t. I’ll post the schedule for Week 9 (yes, the actual Week 9, not some pseudo-Week 9) soon, probably tomorrow evening. I’m done with this crap for now.

Good night.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Here's yr Week 8 [edited] schedule, pool (poop!) peeps. Enjoy! Games start at 1pm EST this Sunday, October 28th. Lemme see them picks before then, eh?

Indianapolis at Carolina
Detroit at Chicago
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
NY "Tastee Taste" Giants at Miami
Philadelphia at Minnesota
Cleveland at St. Louis
Oakland at Tennessee
Buffalo at NY Jets
Houston at San Diego
Jacksonville at Tampa Bay
Washington at New England
New Orleans at San Francisco
Green Bay at Denver (plus total points)


Apologies for the late post gang. By way of explanation, I just started my first post-graduate job on Monday so between that and my Red Sox (WE’RE GOING TO THE SERIES!!) my time has been at a premium recently. Since I’m really not that important (and the baseball season will soon end) I don’t expect this sort of thing to continue.

So, yeah, Week 7. My brother won. Stupid brother. Heres the results:

1. Sandy….12-2
2. Josh……11-3
2. Molly…..11-3
2. Jon…….11-3
5. Tyler…..10-4
5. Zack……10-4
5. Joey……10-4
5. George….10-4
5. Joshu…..10-4
10. Matthew M….9-5
10. Dave…..9-5
10. Scott…..9-5
13. Bill.........8-6
46,875,982. Matt….7-7

So congrats to Sandy. He wins a swift kick in the jimmies. And the WSP. Predictably, Sandy's fabulous week moves him up in the yearly standings.

1. Dave……68-35
2. Jon……..67-36
2. Scott……67-36
2. George….67-36
5. Sandy….65-38
5. Bill…….65-38
7. Molly….64-39
8. Joey…..62-41
8. Joshu…..62-41
8. Zack……62-41
11. Tyler…..61-42
11. Matt K….61-42
11. Matt M….61-42
14. Josh…..60-43

See? Told you. Sorry for the lack of humor and intrigue in this post, but hey, when you gotta go you gotta go (poop!).

On a separate note, I think these are correct scores, but frankly, I’m kinda tired, so I could’ve screwed something up. If you think I f’d yr picks up, lemme know. I’ll post the schedule for Week 8 soon.


Apologies for the late post gang. By way of explanation, I just started my first post-graduate job on Monday so between that and my Red Sox (WE’RE GOING TO THE SERIES!!) my time has been at a premium recently. Since I’m really not that important (and the baseball season will soon end) I don’t expect this sort of thing to continue.

So, yeah, Week 7. My brother won. Stupid brother. Heres the results:

1. Sandy….12-2
2. Josh……11-3
2. Molly…..11-3
2. Jon…….11-3
5. Tyler…..10-4
5. Zack……10-4
5. Joey……10-4
5. George….10-4
5. Joshu…..10-4
10. Matthew M….9-5
10. Dave…..9-5
10. Scott…..9-5
13. Bill.........8-6
46,875,982. Matt….7-7

So congrats to Sandy. He wins a swift kick in the jimmies. And the WSP. Predictably, Sandy's fabulous week moves him up in the yearly standings.

1. Dave……68-35
2. Jon……..67-36
2. Scott……67-36
2. George….67-36
5. Sandy….65-38
5. Bill…….65-38
7. Molly….64-39
8. Joey…..62-41
8. Joshu…..62-41
8. Zack……62-41
11. Tyler…..61-42
11. Matt K….61-42
11. Matt M….61-42
14. Josh…..60-43

See? Told you. Sorry for the lack of humor and intrigue in this post, but hey, when you gotta go you gotta go (poop!).

On a separate note, I think these are correct scores, but frankly, I’m kinda tired, so I could’ve screwed something up. If you think I f’d yr picks up, lemme know. I’ll post the schedule for Week 8 soon.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Heres the schedule for Week 7. The first game is at 1pm EST on Sunday, October 21st. Please get me your picks before the start of the first game. Good luck!

Baltimore at Buffalo
Minnesota at Dallas
Tampa Bay at Detroit
Tennessee at Houston
New England at Miami
San Francisco at NY "Fried PB&J" Giants
Atlanta at New Orleans
Arizona at Washington
NY Jets at Cincinnati
Kansas City at Oakland
Chicago at Philadelphia
St. Louis at Seattle
Pittsburgh at Denver
Indianapolis at Jacksonville (plus total points)

[Edited: I confused the Jets and Giants games. That has now been fixed.]


Apologies for the late post, peeps. I've been traveling all weekend long and not had time to tend to the pool(poop!) like I usually do. Yesterday I got to the Dallas airport at around 9am central time. I was supposed to make it back to Philly around 5pm EST. Instead, I didn't get back until 10:30pm. I missed the Red Sox loss to the Indians (DAMMIT!) and the Monday Night Football game (ho-hum). So I slept in today and only now am I prepared to tell the tale of…

Week 6: A week I forget.

Week 6 went down to the wire yet again. Going into the Monday night game, we had three people in contention, but since the Giants won, it came down to just two. Jon Stover and Scott Rozsa (who I had the pleasure of meeting this week down in Dallas: the Skins'll do better against Arizona this week, Scott) were tied after the whole slate at 9-4.

And so it came down to points yet again. Scott picked 30 and Jon Stover picked 40. The final score was 31-10, so Jon Stover is this week's winner!

Congratulations to Jon! Jon will receive a membership to the Flaming Bag of Poop of The Month Club. This month's flaming bag of poop is… turtle! It will be delivered to your door in the middle of the night once a month (we won't tell you when, that’s part of the fun)! Yay!

No, unfortunately Jon will just receive the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of $56, which will be delivered to his door smeared in poo and set on fire. Congratulations again to Jon!

This week's final standings are as follows:

1. Jon…… ……9-4 (Points)
1. Scott………..9-4
3. Josh………...8-5
3. Dave……….8-5
3. Sandy………8-5
3. Joey…...........8-5
3. Matthew K…8-5
3. George………8-5
3. Bill………….8-5
10. Joshu………7-6
10. Tyler……….7-6
10. Molly………7-6
10. Molly………7-6
14. Zack………...6-7

And the overall standings:

1. Dave………..59-30
2. Scott………..58-31
3. Bill………….57-32
3. George………57-32
5. Jon………….56-33
6. Matthew K….54-35
7. Molly………..53-36
7. Sandy……….53-36
9. Matthew M….52-37
9. Joshu………..52-37
9. Joey………….52-37
9. Zack…………52-37
13. Tyler……….51-38
14. Josh………..49-40

I’ll post the schedule for Week 7 shortly.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007


Here's the slate for Week 6: The Week That Neither Dave Nor Molly Wins The WSP. The games begin on October 14, at 1pm EST, so I'll need your picks in my in-box by that time.

St. Louis at Baltimore
Minnesota at Chicago
Miami at Cleveland
Washington at Green Bay
Houston at Jacksonville
Cincinnati at Kansas City
Philadelphia at NY Jets
Tennessee at Tampa Bay
Carolina at Arizona
New England at Dallas
Oakland at San Diego
New Orleans at Seattle
NY "peek-a-poo!" Giants at Atlanta (plus total points)


Tied going into Monday Night Football, the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of $56 would come down to total points. Molly picked 48 points. George picked under that. If the final score was 48 or over, Molly won the WSP. If it was under, George won.

After being intercepted five times, losing a fumble and trailing the entire game, Dallas QB Tony Romo hit Patrick Crayton with a 4-yard TD pass with 20 seconds left on the clock, to cap an 80 yard drive and to bring the team within 2. This made the score 24-22 (46 total points for those who can't count). If Dallas hit the two point conversion, the total points would reach 48 and Molly would win the WSP. If not, Molly would be over and George would win.

The crowd rose and roared in anticipation. Romo dropped back to pass, looked left, and hit Terrell Owens in the left side of the end zone for two points! Molly wins! But, as Owens was coming down, Jabari Greer stripped him of the ball and it fell to the ground, incomplete! The point total holds at 46 and George wins!

But, not so fast.

There were still about 30 seconds left on the clock. The Cowboys tried an on-side kick and recovered it at the 50 yard line. Then there were 20 seconds left, and the Cowboys had no time outs and the ball on the 50.

Romo hit T.O. over the middle for a 20 yard completion to bring the Cowboys into field goal range, but the officials looked a replay and ruled correctly that Owens had dropped the ball as he was being tackled. George Wins!!... uh, not yet.

So Romo threw two quick dump offs totaling about 12 yards, and with 1 second left on the clock, Dallas kicker Nick Folk came on for a 53 yard field goal. ...aaaaaaaaaand He nailed it! 49 points! Cowboys and Molly win! Bills and George Lose!

Not so fast.

Bills head coach Dump McCrotch had called a timeout nanoseconds before Folk hit the field goal. Thats right, McCrotch had pulled a Shanahan. Properly rattled and iced, there was no way Folk would hit another 53 yarder in Buffalo with a crazy crowd screaming at him. George would surely wi.... NO! Folk hit that one too!

49 Points!!!
Molly Wins!!!
Molly Wins!!!
Holly poop on a stick, Molly Wins!!!

So, a hearty congrats to Molly on her second win of the season. She wins an official Rudy Guiliani "Vote 9/11!" poster signed by Guiliani himself! Or, as I like to refer to it, toilet paper. Congrats, Molly, and I'll be sending you your "toilet paper" in the mail any day now.

Ahh... if only. No, sadly Molly only wins the WSP.

Folks, through five weeks we've only had two WSP winners, and frankly, I'm getting tired of sending mail to Molly and Dave's houses. Please help: Win the WSP, for pete's sake.

Here are the final standings for Week 5:

1. Molly………12-2
1. George……..12-2
3. Scott………..11-3
3. Bill………….11-3
5. Matthew M…10-4
5. Sandy……….10-4
5. Jon………….10-4
5. Joshu……….10-4
9. Zack…………9-5
9. Tyler………...9-5
9. Joey…………9-5
12. Josh………..8-6
12. Matthew K...8-6
12. Dave……….8-6

And here are the year-to-date standings, as have them. A quick reminder, if you have something different, please email me. Despite my good looks, I'm not infallible (though I occasionally smell that way).

1. Dave……..51-25
2. Bill………49-27
2. George…..49-27
2. Scott…….49-27
5. Jon………47-29
6. Matt K…..46-30
6. Zack……..46-30
6. Molly……46-30
9. Matt M….45-31
9. Joshu……45-31
9. Sandy……45-31
12. Joey……44-32
12. Tyler……44-32
14. Josh…….41-35

Week 6 is fast approaching, and I'll have the schedule up sometime tomorrow. Check back then for more moist football action.

Monday, October 08, 2007


Howdy do?

Week 5 is just about in the books and we've got ourselves a horse race. There are two people who are still alive for this week's Weekly Standard Prize (WSP).

Now, I've got good news and bad news. Here's the bad news: neither of them are me. But, here's the good news: neither one of them are Dave Labowitz either!

Nope, in fact, Dave and I both had awful weeks, so you can congratulate me for emulating the guy who's in first place in the whole pool during the one week when he couldn't pick his own nose. Yes, yes, thank you very much. You're too kind.

The two people who are still in the running for the Week 5 WSP are Molly and George. Both are 11-2 as of now. Like everyone else in the pool, both picked Dallas over Buffalo tomorrow night, so we'll have to go to Monday Night Points (MNP) to settle this one.

Heres how it broke down. George picked 31 points while Molly picked 48. Because the rules say the winner is the one closest without going over, George will win as long as the point total is 47 or below. If its 48 or above, Molly will win.

Tune in tomorrow to see who won the WSP, and for weekly and year-to-date standings, as well as more making fun of Dave for finishing in last place.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


Hey folks, heres the schedule for Week 5. The first game begins at 1pm EST on Sunday, October 7th, so I'll need your picks before then. Good luck!

Miami at Houston
Jacksonville at Kansas City
Cleveland at New England
Carolina at New Orleans
NY Jets at NY "Demons Out!" Giants
Seattle at Pittsburgh
Arizona at St. Louis
Atlanta at Tennessee
Detroit at Washington
Tampa Bay at Indianapolis
San Diego at Denver
Baltimore at San Francisco
Chicago at Green Bay
Dallas at Buffalo (plus total points)

Monday, October 01, 2007


The Patriots thrashing the crap out of the Bengals concludes Week 4. The schedule gave us all a thorough thrashing this week. Favorites went (I think) 0-218. In other words the more you went against what you thought was right, the better you did. As a matter of fact, nobody, save Dave, had a winning record. If anyone had pulled a George Costanza and said, “Ah, hell, I’m going to pick the opposite of everything I think.” Well, you’d have won the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) or at least tied Dave. But you didn’t. As I’ve already discussed in the Part I, Dave did. So congrats, Dave blah blah blah I don’t care.

Here are the standings this week, and I warn you, they’re terrible:
[Updated to reflect bye week: thanks Tyler!]

1. Dave Labowitz…..8-6
2. Bill Denton………7-7
2. George Smith……7-7
4. Jon Stover………6-8
4. Matthew Kory….6-8
4. Josh Money……..6-8
4. Tyler Christofferson…6-8
4. Scott Rozsa……..6-8
9. Joshu Shih……..5-9
9. Joey Bansen…….5-9
9. Matthew Mariam…5-9
9. Zack Klein………5-9
13. Molly Mulder……4-10
14. Sandy Kory……..3-11

I told you they were awful. Here are the year-to-date standings. You'll never guess who's in first place!

1. Dave Labowitz…….43-19
2. Bill Denton………..38-24
2. Scott Rozsa………..38-24
2. Matthew Kory……..38-24
5. George Smith………37-25
5. Jon Stover…………37-25
5. Zack Klein…………37-25
8. Matthew Mariam…..35-27
8. Sandy Kory…………35-27
8. Tyler Christofferson...35-27
8. Joey Bansen………..35-27
8. Joshu Shih………….35-27
13. Molly Mulder……..34-28
14. Josh Money………33-29

Thats all for this week. I'll post the schedule for Week 5 sometime soon. Untill then, have a great week everyone. (After that, your week will suck.)


Sunday, September 30, 2007


Yet another week is in the books (mostly). However, unlike last weeks, we don't need the next two games (I wrote this before NY beat Philly) to help determine this week's winner. Nope, and unfortunately, just like the previous three weeks, the winner wasn't yours truly.

Also, much like two of the previous three weeks, the winner is Dave Labowitz.

Yes, Dave wins. Again.

Yeah, I'm getting pretty sick of it too, but what can you do? He is smoking us all most righteously.

Dave, don't read the following:
(I've got an idea! Lets all make a pact, people-who-aren't-Dave: lets do everything we can to prevent Dave from winning next week! We'll all meet at the Old Schoolhouse just after midnight to discuss ideas. Bring cookies and milk, and whatever you do, don't tell Dave!)

OK, Dave, you can read now. I'll post the full results and year-to-date standings after tomorrow's Monday Night game. In the meantime, congrats to Dave (again) and see the rest of you at the secret place *wink*!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


All games start on Sunday September 30th, at 1pm EST (thats 10am for you folks on the left coast; might want to send in yr picks before Saturday ends if you live out there). As always, I'll need your winners in my in-box by kickoff of the first game.

Houston at Atlanta
New York Jets at Buffalo
Baltimore at Cleveland
St. Louis at Dallas
Chicago at Detroit
Oakland at Miami
Green Bay at Minnesota
Tampa Bay at Carolina
Seattle at San Francisco
Pittsburgh at Arizona
Denver at Indianapolis
Kansas City at San Diego
Philadelphia at New York "Fun with Fungus!" Giants
New England at Cincinnati (plus total points)

Good luck!

Monday, September 24, 2007


That’s all for Week 3, and this week we didn’t even have to use Monday Night Points to determine the winner. Nope. In fact, after Sunday’s delicious carnage (well, some of it was delicious, some of it made me PHYSICALLY ILL), we had just two fighters standing.

In the pink corner, weighing in at 881 pounds… no, wait, I’m reading that upside down, 188 pounds, eating only grilled chicken wrapped in hundred dollar bills, the twelve wins of Dave “Don’t Call Me Grafton” Labowitz!!. In the brown corner, weighing in at 150 2 lbs. burritos and a bucket of chips (with hot salsa, beyotch!), the twelve wins of William “Call Him Grafton, Please, I’m Literally Begging You” Denton, (Part GEIGH!!)!!

Team Denton threw their support behind the Saints, while in a smart move, Team Labowitz threw their support behind the Titans...oooohh! Who would win....?!?!?!

Yeah, Dave won. Blah blah blah…

A hearty Campbell’s Chunky Soup Congratulations to Dave, whom you may remember, assuming you can handle more than four pieces of information in your brain at a time, won Week 1 as well. That means that this is the second week Dave has won here at MSAFP(p!)!.

This week, Dave wins a dog-eared copy of “Winning Friends and Executing Retarded People: My Time at the Governor’s Mansion,” by George W. Bush. I highly recommend chapter 2 (there are only two chapters) entitled, “Executing Retarded People.” That’s some insightful stuff. I'm not ashamed to say that I cried.

No, in fact, Dave doesn’t win that book because, sadly, I made it up. But, Dave does win the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of $56, payable in 56 bi-weekly installments (please allow 8-10 weeks for delivery). Normally I'd pay out in Canadian dollars, but those are worth more than amuuuuurican money. Thanks, Allan Greenspan, you dope.

Here are the standings as I see them for Week 3 (if you think I screwed something up, email me):

1. Dave Labowitz……..13-3
2. Bill Denton…………12-4
3. Joshu Shih…............10-6
Tyler Christofferson..10-6
Molly Mulder……….10-6
Scott Rozsa…………10-6
Zack Klein………….10-6
Jon Stover…………..10-6
Joey Bansen…………10-6
Matthew Kory……..10-6
Sandy Kory………..10-6
12. George Smith…..9-7
13. Josh Money…….8-8
Matthew “16-0” Mariam..8-8

And here are the up-to-the-minute yearly standings:

1. Dave Labowitz….35-13
2. Scott Rozsa………32-16
Zack Klein…………32-16
Matthew Kory………32-16
Sandy Kory………..32-16
6. Bill Denton……..31-17
Jon Stover………..31-17
8. Molly Mulder…..30-18
Matthew Mariam….30-18
Joey Bansen………30-18
George Smith……..30-18
Joshu Shih……….30-18
13. Tyler Christofferson…29-19
14. Josh Money…..27-21

Lots of time left, folks. Its only three weeks into the season, so just because Dave is smoking you doesn’t mean he won’t bite it in Week 11 and stupidly pick Minnesota to win on the road (Don’t do it, Dave!!).

I’ll have the schedule for Week 4 up shortly. In the meantime, just remember: I kid because I love.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

WEEK 3!!

Heres the schedule for Week 3. First game starts on Sunday at 1pm EST. I'll need your picks before then. Try not to hurt yourselves, alright?

San Francisco at Pittsburgh
Arizona at Baltimore
Indianapolis at Houston
Detroit at Philadelphia
Buffalo at New England
San Diego at Green Bay
Miami at New York Jets
Minnesota at Kansas City
St. Louis at Tampa Bay
Cleveland at Oakland
Jacksonville at Denver
Cincinnati at Seattle
New York "Snausages" Giants at Washington
Carolina at Atlanta
Dallas at Chicago
Tennessee at New Orleans (plus total points)


The Redskins just defeated the Eagles (WHOOHOO!!) in a result that few of us saw coming. That marks the end for Week 2, folks. The final score of said game was Washington 20, Philadelphia 12, which means that this week's winner is...

Not me!

Less importantly, the winner is...

Molly Mulder!

...who nailed the number of points exactly! There should be some sort of bonus for that. Fortunately, there isn't. Congratulations, Molly. This week's prize is an official Andy Reid autographed Big Mac wrapper!

No, sadly you win the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of $56, which will be shipped, postage paid and signed by me, to your preferred place of residence. Now, I know you'll want to frame the check and look at it longingly as you pass down the hallway towards the bathroom (poop!), but really, you should just cash it. In all likelihood you'll be winning again next week.

The final standings for week 2 were as follows:

1. Molly 11-5
1. Bill
1. Matt K.
4. Sandy 10-6
4. Scott
4. Joshu
7. George 9-7
7. Jon
7. Zack
7. Matthew M.
7. Dave
12. Josh 8-8
13. Joey 7-9
13. Tyler

The Overall Standings through Week 2 look like this:

1. Sandy, 22-10
1. Matthew M.
1. Dave
1. Zack
1. Scott
1. Matt K.
7. George, 21-11
7. Jon
9. Joshu, 20-12
9. Joey
9. Molly
12. Bill, 19-13
12. Josh
12. Tyler

Thats right. A six-way tie for first place and only a mere three games separating first place from last. This is some good competition, peeps.

Two housekeeping notes, if I may:

1) I have decided to alter the winnings slightly. Previously I was going to have 20% of the pool go to the 1st place winner, while the 2nd place winner would receive 12%. After looking at the numbers, I'd rather give that extra 2% to the first place winner instead. If anyone objects to me changing it now I will leave it as is. Shoot me an email if you think I shouldn't change it.

2) Thanks to all of you who sent me just the winners in your pick emails. Its easier for me if you keep doing that so I don't have to transcribe each person's picks, and frankly, its easier on you because I'm less likely to screw up the transcription. So, thanks, and keep doing it.

I'll be posting the schedule for Week 3 tomorrow. Good luck!

Monday, September 17, 2007


With only the Monday Night game here in Philadelphia still to go, we have a three way race for the this week's prize. Molly, Bill, and yours truly all have 11 wins on the week. Because everyone in question chose Philadelphia to win (go Skins!!), and nobody with 10 wins picked Washington, the winner of the game is irrelevant to deciding this week's winner.

As so often happens, it will come down to points. I picked 24 points, Molly picked 32 points, and Bill picked 40. The winner is the closest without going over, but if everyone goes over then its just the closest. Heres the breakdown. If the point total is between...
  1. 0 and 31, I shall be the winner
  2. 32-39, Molly will be the winner
  3. 40 or above, Bill will be the winner
Stay tuned to find out who will claim the $56 this week! This week's post will also include the yearly standings as well, so check back tomorrow to see how close you are to first place and the $308 prize!


Also of note, I strive for perfection, but rarely achieve it. Please feel free to email me at and let me know if you feel that I have made a mistake with your picks.

Sunday, September 16, 2007


Week 2: The Search for More Money!

Much like an airline attendant who arrived at the same time you did, welcome to Week 2! We here at Around The NFL With Matty Headquarters (ATNFLWMHQ) strive to give you, the reader, the strongest, the best, the most incisive football coverage available. We usually end up settling for poop jokes instead (“What did the priest say to the rabbi? POOOP!”), but this week, dear reader, this week shall be different.

[four days later...]

This week, due to laziness on the part of the entire crew here at ATNFLWM (read: me) we're going to hold off on the actual football analysis and go straight to the poop jokes! Yay!

But first, a word from our sponsors. ATNFLWM is sponsored by…

1-900-DickJokes. Dick jokes anytime of the day or night.

And by…

The Delaware Board of Tourism, who reminds you, that Delaware is not as bad as you stink.

And now to the picks!

But first, in deference to The Man, ATNFLWM would like to remind you that these picks are not for use in some states (sorry Oklahoma!) and may cause itching and/or anal leakage.

KC at Chicago
-After last week's performance, “Sexy Rexy” downgraded to “Mildy Repulsive Rexy”
-Chiefs already secretly interviewing potential head coaching candidates. According to a source, their list contains Rick Venturi, Carrot Top, and Great Googily Moogily guy from Snickers commercial.
-Pizzeria Uno now offering “Rex Grossman Sandwich” which is a roast beef with extra special sauce that the waiter drops on the way over to your table.
Pick: Chicago

Cincinnati at Cleveland
-In order to take focus off how terrible his team is, Cleveland coach Romeo Crennel has decided to begin executing dogs for fun.
-Cincinnati coach Marvin Lewis’ ankle surgery will keep him on the sideline for 6-8 weeks, whereupon he will return to the sideline.
Pick: Cincinnati

Houston at Carolina
-Texans lead league in all important Hat Size Index
-“Dom Capers Bowl” winner gets to not hire Dom Capers
Pick: Houston

Indianapolis at Tennessee
-If you rearrange the letters in “Titans” you get “Ans Tits”
-Colts center Jeff Saturday named by teammates as “most likely to enjoy pegging”
Pick: Indianapolis

Atlanta at Jacksonville
-On Halloween, who will be the first to dress their dog up like Michael Vick? My guess? Michael Vick!
-Thanks to Joey Harrington, Falcons merchandising machine as effective as Falcons offense
Pick: Jacksonville

Buffalo at Pittsburgh
-Dude, if JP Losman could surf in Buffalo, he totally would.
-Steeler’s victory over Cleveland in week 1 proves that teams can succeed despite spittle.
Pick: Pittsburgh

Baltimore at NY Jets
-Amount of effort involved in a typical Chad Pennington pass is equivalent to that required for one revolution of my hamster Cheez Doodle’s hamster wheel.
-Eric Mangini: NFL Cheetos Champion
-Last weeks videotaping incident nothing compared to what happens each night in Brian Billick’s bedroom.
Pick: Baltimore

Detroit at Minnesota
-With Fred Smoot gone, Vikings have downgraded team-building plans. This year: Sex Bus.
Pick: Detroit

Denver at Oakland
-ATNFLWM has breaking news: Raiders finally sign 1965 2nd rounder Fred Biletnikoff!
-To prove that anyone can successfully run behind their offensive line, Mike Shannahan has signed Pepsi machine.
Pick: Denver

Dallas at Miami
-Wade Phillips everything that Bill Parcells isn't. Except fat.
-Drew Bledsoe still holding out for Cowboys starting quarterback job.
Pick: Miami

Arizona at Seattle
-In off season, Mike Holmgren rents out mustachioed upper lip to family of badgers.
-Cardinals redefine 'success' as 'losing'
Pick: Seattle

NY "Tastee" Giants at Green Bay
-If all quarterbacks would run up to him and then fall over, Michael Strahan would be the all time single season record holder in sacks. Wait a minute...
-Eli Manning has a boo-boo! Bwaaaah! Bwaaaah!
Pick: Green Bay

New Orleans at Tampa
-Its time for ATNFLWM's favorite segment, Did You Know?
Did You Know that New Orleans head coach Sean Payton was a scab quarterback for the Chicago Bears? Its true!
Did You Know that New Orleans head coach Sean Payton has more than 47 different types of VD? Its true!
Pick: New Orleans

San Diego at New England
-Patriots weren't filming defensive signals, but instead, Jets' cheerleaders.
-San Diego head coach Norv Turner is living embodiment of the Peter Principal (which, by the way, has nothing to do with his peter).
Pick: New England

San Francisco at St. Louis
-This is my Bye game. Please move along. No jokes here.
Pick: San Francisco

Washington at Philadelphia
-In effort to prevent his kids from doing drugs, Andy Reid broke into their rooms and ate everything.
-If Eagles lose this game, entire city will line up and jump off Ben Franklin Bridge. Why will they line up? Because this is a civilized city, bitches.
-Over/under on Cheesesteak sightings during ESPN MNF broadcast set at 7. Take the over.
Pick: Philadelphia

Next Week: I join a knitting group and repair my socks. Stay tuned!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Here is the schedule for week 2. Send me your pick in the same order as listed here. The first game doesn't start until Sunday at 1pm EST, so make sure I have your picks before then. Thanks!

Houston at Carolina
Cincinnati at Cleveland
Atlanta at Jacksonville
Green Bay at NY Giants
Buffalo at Pittsburgh
San Francisco at St. Louis
New Orleans at Tampa Bay
Indianapolis at Tennessee
Seattle at Arizona
Minnesota at Detroit
Dallas at Miami
NY Jets at Baltimore
Kansas City at Chicago
Oakland at Denver
San Diego at New England
Washington at Philadelphia (plus total points)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


[Apologies for the late post. I had a job interview today in another city that took all day.]

That’s it for Week 1, folks. There was lots of exciting football action to ponder, but here at MSAFP(p!)! we’re not as concerned with football action as we are with football results. Big, sweaty, football results.

Normally I post both the weekly results as well as the cumulative year-to-date results. However, since this is Week 1, both are the same (except for Sandy who despite posting a 12-4 record this week is somehow 0-16 on the year. Crazy math! What will it think of next?)

This week we had a four-way tie for first place, so it came down to Monday Night Points. Remember, its the total number of points without going over. Of the four with 13 wins, two came in over, and two came in under. Of the two that were under, Joey Bansen had 30 points, and Dave Labowitz had 36. San Francisco beat Arizona 20-17, so 37 points were scored.

So, despite swearing off MSAFP(p!)! last year, Dave Labowitz is our winner! Congrats to Dave! Dave wins a pint of Ben & Jerry’s new ice cream flavor, Mint Chocolate Chipped Beef and a year’s subscription to Cat Fancy, the official cat magazine of the NFL!

Actually, no. Dave wins the MSAFP(p!)! Weekly Standard Prize (WSP). This year the WSP is the princely sum of $56, or about the cost of a year’s subscription to Cat Fancy! Congrats again to Dave!

Here are the results for Week 1 [edited]:

Rank Name Wins Loses
1. Dave Labowitz 13 - 3
2. Joey Bansen 13 - 3
3. Matthew Mariam 13 - 3
4. Zack Klein 13 - 3
5. Sandy Kory 12 - 4
6. Scott Rozsa 12 - 4
7. George Smith 12 - 4
8. Jon Stover 12 - 4
9. Tyler C. 12 - 4
10. Josh Money 11 - 5
11. Matthew Kory 11 - 5
12. Joshu Shih 10 - 6
13. Molly Mulder 9 - 7
14. Bill Denton 8 - 8

I’ll post the schedule for Week 2 tomorrow (Wednesday) so check back then.

One more note: If everyone could do me a favor and simply send me their winners for Week 2 it would be much easier for me. For example, don’t write out “Team X vs. Team Y, Team X Winner”, simply write “Team X.” Thanks.

Friday, September 07, 2007


It’s a bird! No, its an airplane!

No, no. It’s just a bird.

NO again! It’s The Week One Edition of Around The NFL With Matty (TWOEOATNFLWM!!!)!!!

A hip ‘n happening how’dee do to ya, folks. Lots has happened since we called it quits on last season. For instance, I got married! Then I got divorced! Then I got married again! Then divorced again! And now, I’m married again, but engaged to be divorced.

But none of that goboldy gook has one pure Michael Irvin ounce to do with football.

And the following won’t either! I recognize that some of you are new to this phenomenon called ATNFLWM. For the benefit of those newbies as well as any of you who have been reading this since its inception ten years ago (Bill), I’d like to present “What The Hell Is This Crap You Call Around The NFL With Matty (WTHITCYCATNFLWM?!)”?!

So, what is this crap?
ATNFLWM is a weekly column written by yours truly, that attempts to get inside, deep inside, the NFL. You’ll get individual game analysis, informed predictions, interviews with NFL luminaries, and of course, poop jokes. Well, mostly poop jokes, actually.

Why is it published here on a blog that only ten people read?
Because nobody else would publish it. ATNFLWM has offended everyone at one point or another, including its author, who swore he’d have nothing more to do with it years ago. How’d that work out?

Who cares?
Nobody, really.

I don’t remember hearing about this before.
If I’d mentioned it before, would you have joined the pool? Right, I didn’t think so.

Is there any actual football-related content?
Not really, no. Did I mention that there are poop jokes?

So, I have to slog through this crap each week?
Yup. If you want to be in-the-know about all things NFL, by which I mean ‘poop jokes.’

Such is life. Sorry.

So, it’s a new season here at ATNFLWM. If memory serves, this is the 70th year I’ve been writing this column. Yes, I’m older than Dr. Z, and just as crotchety, but I don’t smell like sour milk.

Last season, ATNFLWM was blessed to have a companion column, the Sunday Crap-o-Rama, written by one Capt’n William H. O. M. O. Denton, III. Esquire. Mr. Denton is currently drunk, but hopefully he’ll sober up enough to grace us all with his immense… uh… umm… talent. Consider this column a proverbial shot across Mr. Denton’s bow.

Bring it bitch.

Now its time to thank our sponsors. Why? Because nobody would write crap like this for free. ATNFLWM is brought to you by:

The new FOX reality show: America has herpes!

And by…

Exclamation Points!! Use one today!

As always, in deference to The Man, these picks are not to be used as a contraceptive device.

To the picks!!

New Orleans @ Indianapolis
-When Saints come to the line they’re as likely to hear commercials for Mastercard as they are the snap count.
-If one measures yardage from sideline to sideline Reggie Bush was NFL’s leading rusher last year.
Pick: Colts

KC @ Houston
-As only star on the team, Houston wide receiver Andre Johnson gets first choice of post-game crack rock.
-Actual Vegas Line: 2:1 odds that Herm Edwards says or does something to out-crazy Dennis Green’s famed “Crown their ass!” speech.
-These teams are headed in opposite directions. KC is going backwards while Houston is going left.
Pick: Houston

Miami @ Washington
-Pre-game ceremony will feature a Superbowl 14 Old Timers game wherein the cracking of helmets will be exceeded only by the cracking of hips.
-Many pundits are expecting big things from Redskins this season. Personally, I expect something big too: a huge turd.
-Redskins runningback Clinton Portis pregame speech to team to feature references to “celery”, “scrambled eggs” and “donkey doots.”
-My application to have my apartment officially christened “Raljon Maryland, Pennsylvania” is pending.
-In vote by fellow coaches, Joe Gibbs voted “Most Likely To Die”
Pick: Redskins

Denver @ Buffalo
-Reprinted from last season because I think its f’n funny:
That is all
Pick: Denver

Carolina @ St. Louis
-Jake Delhomme makes Jay Schroeder look like Fran Tarkinton. In a related story, my comedy makes Carrot Top look like George F’n Carlin.
Pick: St. Louis

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
-Steeler’s pre-season woes can be traced to a lack of spittle.
-Romeo Crennel has attempted to replicate famed Notre Dame “Play like a champion” sign in Browns locker room. But due to a lawsuit, the wording has to be changed. Crennel is trying to decide between “Play like a winner” and “Check again: are you wearing pants?”
Pick: Steelers

Atlanta @ Minnesota
-ATNFLWM is proud to present the first official Michael Vick Dogfighting Joke of the 07-08 NFL Season (FOMVDFJOT07-08NFLS):
Federal investigation into potential dog fighting charges began after the Falcons beat the Cleveland Browns two seasons ago. Federal authorities were alerted when, on his way to the locker room, Vick reported shouted at the famed ‘Dawg Pound’, “I’ll electrocute all y’all bitches!”
Sank yoo very much. I vill bee heer all zee veek.
-Cognizant of potential fan backlash, Falcons are planning to offer give away to entice fans to come to first home game. As such, first 10,000 fans in attendance will receive the Arthur Blank Drives a Bus Over Michael Vick bobblehead doll!
-Who would have thought that Michael Vick would end up with more prison time than brother Marcus?
Pick: Atlanta

Tennessee @ Jacksonville
-Jaguars must be careful running too close to Tennessee sideline or risk being tripped up by Jeff Fischer’s mustache.
-Vince Young preparing Hall of Fame speech in which he will thank hizself and only hizself, yo. ATNFLWM has obtained a partial copy, printed below for your edification:
Young: “I’d like to thank me. I did it. I don’t need all y’all bitches. *&%&* You! Thank you very much.”
Pick: Jacksonville

New England @ New York Jets
-Bill Belechick to add ‘crocs’ to wardrobe. Wardrobe now includes stained sweatshirts and crocs. An earlier report wherein wardrobe contained pants has been debunked.
-After season Eric Mangini will face off against Andy Reid in the First Annual NFL Coaches Pie Eat.
-Randy Moss expected to be good citizen now that he’s wearing a Patriots uniform. Listen people, you can dress my cat up as a whore, but she’s still a cat.
Pick: Patriots

Philadelphia @ Green Bay
-How good are the Packers going to be this season? Let me answer that like this: The other day I walked out of my apartment and was hit in the ass by a pass from Brett Favre.
-Only solution to Andy Reid’s family problems: eat his family.

Detroit @ Oakland
-Mike Martz makes Buddy Ryan look like Bill Walsh.
-ATNFLWM has learned that Martz has a closet full of mannequins which he lovingly caresses before going to bed each night?
-Raiders chances of a winning season about the same as them signing their number one pick: zilch, bitches!
Pick: Oakland

Chicago @ San Diego
-The difference between Marty Schottenheimer and Norv Turner: Schottenheimer waits until the post-season to choke.
Pick: San Diego

Tampa Bay @ Seattle
-Bucs collecting quarterbacks in case any are injured by flying cannonballs.
-Try as I might, I can’t come up with anything hilarious to say about Seattle. Wait! No, never mind.
Pick: Seattle

New York Giants @ Dallas
-Cowboys fans as full of hope as Cowboys fans pants are full of poop.
-With Bill Parcells gone, who will supply team with sweet sweet breast milk?
-Tom Coughlin expecting 8:05 game to start at 7:55.
Pick: Dallas

Baltimore @ Cincinnati
-The Cincy offense versus the Baltimore defense is called a “great match up time.” The Baltimore offense versus the Cincy defense is called “Checking to see how much lint is in your ass crack time.”
Pick: Cincy

Arizona @ San Francisco
-Cardinals best hope for victorious season: NFL goes out of business.
-49ers named NFL’s surprise team of the year by Alex Smith’s parents.
Pick: San Francisco

Next Week: I pair a ’67 merlot with a can of Spray Cheez! Stay tuned!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007


Heres the slate for week one. Don't forget to email me the points for the SECOND Monday Night game (SF/ARZ) as well.

New Orleans @ Indianapolis
KC @ Houston
Miami @ Washington
Denver @ Buffalo
Carolina @ St. Louis
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
Atlanta @ Minnesota
Tennessee @ Jacksonville
New England @ New York Jets
Philadelphia @ Green Bay
Detroit @ Oakland
Chicago @ San Diego
Tampa Bay @ Seattle
New York Giants @ Dallas
Baltimore @ Cincinnati
Arizona @ San Francisco (plus total points)


Since there are two Monday night games this week, I'll only need points for the second one, which is the 10:15pm EST game between Arizona and San Francisco. Total number of points
scored in the game, please. If there is a tie the winner will be the person who gets closest to the actual total without going over.

Monday, September 03, 2007


Hey Gang,

Matty here. Apologies for any blandness in the following post, but I want to be as clear as I can with you about what I'll need from you each week and what you should expect from me. I'm going to post this sort of FAQ, but if you have any questions, please feel free to email me when ever and I'll be happy to answer.

Matty, why are you doing this?
I used to be in a pool like this at work. I left that job but I enjoyed the pool so much that I decided to start my own.

What do you get for doing this?
Nothing. Not a red cent. I don't take a penny off the top. I even pay for postage. I'm one heck of a guy, lemme tell you.

Why a blog?

I find that its easier for me to just post stuff here than to send emails all the time. Also, I imagine its easier for you to just call up the page when you want to without being bombarded with emails from me multiple times each week. As such, this blog is the main vehicle I use for communicating with people in the pool. With that in mind, you might want to bookmark the site for easy reference.

Matty, what do you post here?
I post everything here. Standings, next week's schedule, updates on that week's games, weekly humorous weekly write-ups... pretty much everything.

How do I know when there is a new post up?

I will try to send you an email each week telling you to when I've posted winners/results for the past week and the schedule for the upcoming week, but don't depend on email. Whether you get an email or not, I will post stuff here. Thats my responsibility. You come here to check it out, thats yours.

When do you typically post updates, etc.?
I try to post the results at the end of each NFL week (i.e Monday night or Tuesday morning) and the beginning of each week I post that week's NFL schedule. The schedule is usually up either the same day or at least by Wednesday.

How do I pick the games?
You email me your picks by the start of the first NFL game that week. I'll need two things from you each week:

1) Your picks clearly spelling out which teams you are picking AND...

2) I'll need the total number of points you think will be scored in the Monday night game. The goal is to get the closest to the total number of points scored without going over the actual amount.

If you do not include the total number of points you could lose the tie breaker even if your opponent goes over (see below for what I'm talking about).

Its easiest for me (and probably for you as well) if you just cut and paste the picks I post here into an email, and underline and bold your predicted winner. I'll assume that the team you've highlighted, etc. is the team you think will win and will credit you as such.

How do you, Matty, pick the games?/How do I know you aren't a lying thief?
Each week before the start of the games I post my picks in the comments section of the post containing that week's schedule. There is a time stamp on the post so you know I picked the games before they started. To access my picks, just click on "comments" on the post containing that week's schedule.

What if there is a tie at the end of a week?
If there is a tie in total number of games won at the end of the week, the money goes to the person who came closest to the total number of points scored in the Monday night game without going over. Thats without going over.

For example, if the final score is Washington 14, Dallas 10, and I picked 25 points and you picked 15, you win the money because I went over. Got it?

If two (or more) people are still tied after the tie-breaker then they will split the prize evenly.

If two people are tied and one did not include their predicted number of points scored on Monday night the other person will automatically win the prize money even if they went over the actual amount with their prediction.

What happens if I am late with my picks?
If you are late with your picks you are not eligible to win that week's prize money. So don't forget! If I notice that you haven't sent in your picks, I might send you an email, but I'm not going to chase people all over the place with emails and phone calls or what ever.

If you do forget it does not mean that you can't win the over-all prize. Because this is about fun, unlike some pools I do give you credit for picking teams even if you don't turn your picks in on time. This season I will give you credit for picking all the home teams. Home teams win roughly 60% of the time on average, so that seems more than fair to me. (Last year I gave people credit for the favorite, but the variability of lines and my difficulty in finding them after the games have started caused me to change the policy this season.)

Just remember, because real money is at stake here, I do try to take this seriously, and as such I ask everyone to please comply with the rules. Its just fair that way.

How much money will I win if I win a week?
The money is distributed based on a percentage system, so I won't know how much money each week is worth until I know exactly how many people are in the pool. I can tell you how much of the total pot each week is worth however. Here is the breakdown:

Each weekly winner wins 4% of the total prize pool.
At the end of the season, I total up the wins and the person with the most wins gets 20% of the total prize money. The person who finishes in second place gets 12% of the total prize money.

I'll publish the actual numbers after the start of week 1.

How do I get my money?
I'll mail it to you. Don't forget to email me a current address if you haven't done so already.

If you have any other questions, or there is something that I haven't addressed here that you are curious about, please shoot me an email or you can post something in the comments section.


Welcome back to another year of football pool-y fun! More to come on this here site!


Monday, January 01, 2007


The official MFSAFP(p!)! finish line: a roll of TP

As a famous pig used to say, "Thats all, folks." Seventeen weeks of moist pro football fun, all in the rear view mirror. (I'm pretty sure the pig never said that.) With that in mind, I'd just like to thank you all for putting up with me these last seventeen weeks. Its been more work than I thought it would be, but its also been more fun. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves and that this silly little pool has brought a small spike in fun to your last seventeen Sundays.

Time to get down to the meaty part of this here post. Week 17 was pretty much a microcosm of the entire pool (i.e. I didn't win). The favorites went 10-6 and anyone who strayed too far from them paid the price. Here are the standings for Week 17:
1. Andy Harris, 11-5
2. Jon Stover, 10-6
2. Joshu, Shih, 10-6
2. Sandy Kory, 10-6
2. Joey Bansen, 10-6
2. Scott Rozsa, 10-6
2. Karl Vaillancourt, 10-6
2. Zack Klein, 10-6
2. Bill Denton, 10-6
10. George Smith, 8-8
10. Dave Labowitz, 8-8
10. Matthew Mariam, 8-8
10. Matthew Kory, 8-8
So a final congrats to Andy, the last weekly winner! You win the last Weekly Standard Prize! Expect a check for $52 to arrive in 6-8 weeks.

Now to the big prizes. Remember, the first place winner pulls down $286, and the second place winner wins $130. Heres how the final standings for the whole season:
1. Joshu Shih, 158-98
2. Joey Bansen, 155-101
3. Andy Harris, 154-102
4. Jon Stover, 153-103
5. Matthew Kory, 152-104
6. Karl Vaillancourt, 151-105
6. Scott Rozsa, 151-105
6. Sandy Kory, 151-105
9. Zack Klein, 150-106
10. Matthew Mariam, 147-109
11. George Smith, 145-111
12. Bill Denton, 140-116
13. Dave Labowitz, 139-117
Congrats to Joshu and Joey for taking our money. How much of our money did they take? Well heres the winnings list:
Final Winnings

1. Joshu Shih, $390
2. Joey Bansen, $234
3. Zack Klein, $208
4. Karl Vaillancourt, $104
4. Andy Harris, $104
4. Matthew Mariam, $104
7. Sandy Kory, $52
7. George Smith, $52
7. Matthew Kory, $52
So, before I go, I want to invite you all to email me regarding the pool. Let me know what you think was good and/or what you think could have been done better (and how if you think you know). I'm always open to suggestions for next season.

And with that, I'm outta here. Again, thanks everyone for a fun football season. Hopefully we can do it again next season as well.