So sad to say good-bye....
Its been a long year and I've learned lots of things. For one thing, I learned "its" is spelled without an apostrophe. I also learned how to spell "apostrophe". All which just goes to show you, if you're around long enough, you'll eventually be dead.
Great job, matty, your philosophy is clearly under appreciated. Oh, by the way, how'd that football pool come out?
You mean Matty's Third Annual Football Pool(Poop!)!? That old thing? Well, italicized voice in my head, its over. Whats that they say about weather in March? It comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb with mint sauce? That was Week 17. F'n mint sauce all over the place. A twelve hour orgy of mint sauce, or as Dan Dierdorf would say, Week 17 just exploded all over your face! (During a game yesterday Dierdorf actually said something very close to "[player's name] just exploded all over [other player's name]!" Gross. I now believe Dan Dierdorf is secretly a gay porno actor. Can you confirm this, Jon Stover?)
So, let's see, in a mere paragraph into this thing and a half we've covered spelling, Jon Stover's proclivity for gay porn, Dan Dierdorf, and mint sauce. Anything I missed? Oh! Right. Stupid pool(poop!)...
Week 17 can be tough to figure out. Its difficult to know which teams are going to lay down and which teams aren't, something which cost me a fantasy league championship game. Yay. As a result (of the first part, not the second), Week 17 was all over the place.
For example, one person had one of the best week's ever in the history of Matty's Annual Football Pool(poop!)!. We also had some pretty mediocre showings. Like my brother, who if he spent just a portion of the time on the pool that he spends ripping ligaments in his knee, would rule this pool. And Alex Mena, who I bring up for ridicule because, no matter how hard Mr. Mena tried, he just couldn't bring himself to pick against his beloved Redskins. But, as we now know, and some of us figured out a while back (not me), the Redskins blow. Well, Mr. Mena, let me say, I feel you, sir. That's in a From-The-Street kind of way, not a Touching-Inappropriately kinda way.
This week was no different, as yet again, Alex picked the Skins, prompting me to laugh in his general direction. So, if you're feeling sorry for Alex, or his Redskins, or you just like awesome movies, may I suggest you check out the website for the documentary film he made called Crew 713. If I may, Alex, its tha balls. (That's good.)
Aside from Alex, my brother, and of course myself, some people did a pretty darn good job at the end. Like Karl Vaillancourt and Josh Money for example, who both made a run for the last Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) at 12-4. Good showing, fellas, but sadly, you were bested by the trio of Gedeon Mariam, Jon Stover, and Dave Labowitz who all won 13 games this week.
So, it all came down to Monday Night Points... wait, no it didn't! Because 13 wins is nothing to John Weaver swats you all with fish when you come at him. John Weaver won 15 games this week, so on behalf of Mr. Weaver, I would like to politely call you all bitches.
I don't think anyone has ever correctly picked all 16 games in a single week of M[X]AFP(p!)! so while I was cataloging John's games, I was rooting for him as I got all the way down the page and he was still right on every single game. Then we got to the second to last game and he blew it. So disappointing, John. The only game he missed was the Green Bay/Arizona game, a game only five us picked correctly. Pretty impressive, John. Pretty impressive indeed.
For his impressiveness (is that a word?), John wins the final WSP of the year, a bucket of Old Dierdorf's All American Mint Sauce (for smearing). Have fun, John! (Allow six to eight weeks for delivery, and eight to twelve weeks for hardening*.)
*I have no idea what that means.
No, actually, John wins the final WSP of the year: $70. Spend it soon, John, because your "money" will be worthless when the revolution comes!!
Here are the final standings for Week 17:
1. John Weaver ... 15-1
2. Gedeon Mariam ... 13-3
2. Jon Stover ... 13-3
2. Dave Labowitz ... 13-3
5. Josh Money ... 12-4
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 12-4
7. Zack Klein ... 10-6
7. Matthew Kory ... 10-6
9. Dan Sinclair ... 9-7
9. Adam Roy ... 9-7
9. Matthew Mariam ... 9-7
12. Sandy Kory ... 8-8
12. George Smith ... 8-8
12. Alex Mena ... 8-8
12. Bill Denton ... 8-8
12. Joey Bansen ... 8-8
And that brings us to the Current Overall Standings (COS) which, in effort to confuse you, are now the Final Overall Standings (FOS). You may recall from last week that, after 16 weeks of moist football picking, Dave Labowitz led the pool by a game over Jon Stover, two games over Gedeon Mariam, and three games over Bill Denton.
Well, Senior Denton didn't bother to send in his picks this week, so he gets none (pronounced: YA GITS NONE!!). Despite John Weaver's impressive work, both Dave and John had good enough weeks to protect themselves from the Weaver Onslaught [ (c.) 2010; John Weaver Enterprises, all rights reserved, except the whole mint sauce thing. you can have that.].
No, the whole enchilada (with mint sauce) came down to Dave, Jon Stover and Gedeon Mariam. Interestingly enough, they all went 13-3 this week, so the order of the Final Overall Standings (FOS) didn't change at all. Which means, the winner of the Matty's Third Annual Football Pool(poop!) is...
Congratulations, Dave. You win the first place prize of having your name bolded, italicized, and punctuated!!! Also, you win $460!!! That's some ciz-ash right there, son. As a real American, you are, of course, obligated to spend the money immediately to help the economy. May I suggest a few buckets of Old Dierdorf's All American Mint Sauce (for smearing)?
Less dramatically, the winner of the Second Place Prize is...
Congratulations, Jon. You win the second place prize of having your name italicized and punctuated! And you win $225! I fully expect you to spend it on taking me out to dinner. I'll wear that dress you like.
Third place was captured by my friend since we were 3...
Gedeon wins the third place prize of having his name italicized but not punctuated! Also, he wins $125! I have nothing but good things to say about Gedeon, which makes this whole sentence not much fun. Congratulations, Gedeon!
To the rest of you, thanks so much for playing this year. It was a joy to put this on and a pleasure to deal with all of you. I wish you all the very best in 2010, and I hope that when August rolls around, I'll have you all back for Matty's Fourth Annual Football Pool(poop!).
Here are the Final Overall Standings, followed by the money list, and a final comment.
1. Dave Labowitz ... 179-77
2. Jon Stover ... 178-78
3. Gedeon Mariam ... 177-79
4. John Weaver ... 171-85
4. Josh Money ... 171-85
4. Bill Denton ... 171-85
7. Karl Vaillancourt .. 168-88
7. Joey Bansen ... 168-88
7. Adam Roy ... 168-88
10. Matthew Mariam ... 166-90
11. George Smith ... 161-95
11. Zack Klein ... 161-95
13. Dan Sinclair ... 160-96
14. Alex Mena ... 158-98
15. Matthew Kory ... 148-108
16. Sandy Kory ... 146-110
1. Dave Labowitz $460
2. Gedeon Mariam $335
3. Jon Stover $330
4. John Weaver $210
4. Joey Bansen $210
4. Bill Denton $210
7. Adam Roy $105
8. Matthew Kory $70
9. Josh Money $35
9. Matthew Mariam $35
Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions you have about the pool, and have a great year everyone. I'll likely be emailing you all come August.
That's it from here. Take care...