Thursday, December 31, 2009

Week 16: Update & Results (Oops)

[if you are looking for the Week 17 Schedule, you can access it here, or by scrolling down a post]

Apologies for posting this so late in the week. My excuse is its been a crazy week full of travel, babies, family, crying, friends, more babies, more family, some food, and, of course, poop. But its been fun.

But enough about me. To the pool(poop!)!

Last week was about as close as a week can get. Everyone was within three games of the top spot, and five of you tied for the lead. John Weaver, Zack Klein, Jon Stover, Dave Labowitz, and Karl Vaillancourt all led the week with 10 wins. So it came down to Monday Night Points! Yet again! Yay.

It was a NFC Central slug-match in the December cold, and everyone appropriately picked low MNP totals to match. However, things don't always go to plan, and the teams totaled 66 freakin points. Nobody came anywhere near going over. Dave, Stover and Karl all guessed in the 30s. Not unreasonable, but still, YOUGETSNONE! Zack Klein picked 43 MNP, but that was bested by the ever cleaver John Weaver, who guessed 44 MNP.

So, your Week 16 winner is... JOHN WEAVER!!! Congratulations to John for winning his second week this season. Unlike last time, John just wins the Weekly Standard Prize of $70. I'm guessing John uses it to help pay down the national debt. Because he's just that kind of guy.

Here are the final standings for Week 16:

1. John Weaver ... 10-6
1. Zack Klein ... 10-6
1. Jon Stover ... 10-6
1. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
1. Karl Vaillancourt ... 10-6
6. Gedeon Mariam ... 9-7
6. Matthew Mariam ... 9-7
6. Adam Roy ... 9-7
6. Josh Money ... 9-7
6. Matthew Kory ... 9-7
11. Alex Mena ... 8-8
11. George Smith ... 8-8
13. Dan Sinclair ... 7-9
13. Sandy Kory ...7-9
13. Bill Denton ... 7-9
13. Joey Bansen ... 7-9

You may notice the presence of Bill Denton and Joey Bansen at the bottom of the weekly standings there. Week 16 is a tough time to finish last in the standings. Bill is still in it, but Joey is done. Sorry, Joey.

Your leader after 16 weeks of moist football-oriented action is Dave "Dollars" Labowitz. Magically, Dave has managed first place over all without winning any weeks this season so far. That's just hard to do. Or maybe Dave just sucks at Monday Night Points. Riding shotgun is Jon Stover, a game back of Dave. Jon is a Bills fan, so I'm fully expecting him to totally tank this coming week and finish 8th. After leading the pool by a wide margin through the first few weeks, Gedeon Mariam fell off a bit, but he's recovered enough to put himself in the money and within striking distance a game back of Jon and two behind Dave.

The real loser last week was Bill Denton who went from tied for first place to fourth, three games behind Dave. Bill's going to be throwing some serious turds at the wall this week hoping to climb back into the money, so if anyone lives within turd throwing distance of Dallas, Texas, I recommend you duck.

After Bill, it's going to take a ridiculous collapse of unprecedented proportions for anyone to get into the money slots (first, second, or third). Joey Bansen has the best shot at it, but he's four games back of Gedeon and he has to jump over Bill to get there. Good luck, Joey, but I don't think it's going to happen.

Other than that, the only race left is the race for last place. After sixteen weeks, my brother (Sandy) and I are locked in the Pool(poop!) version of the old East German licking matches. For those of you unfamiliar, behind the wall in the 70's boxing gloves were hard to come by. So East Germans made up the Licking Match where two people would enter the ring, usually a dirt floor surrounded by old sausage casings, and would proceed to lick each other until one of them threw up. The first one to barf lost.

My brother and I are in last place with 138 wins, a total the top of the pool(poop) reached four weeks ago. It comes down to this week. Will I pick the Browns and Lions to win? Will my brother ensure losing by forgetting to send in his picks? Stay tuned!

Here are your Current Overall Standings (COS) through Week 16:

1. Dave Labowitz ... 166-74
2. Jon Stover ... 165-75
3. Gedeon Mariam ... 164-76
4. Bill Denton ... 163-77
5. Joey Bansen ... 160-80
6. Josh Money ... 159-81
6. Adam Roy ... 159-81
8. Matthew Mariam ... 157-83
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 156-84
9. John Weaver ... 156-84
11. George Smith ... 153-87
12. Dan Sinclair ... 151-89
12. Zack Klein ... 151-89
14. Alex Mena 150-90
15. Sandy Kory ... 138-102
15. Matthew Kory ... 138-102

Just one more week to go! Happy Holidays, everyone, from us here at the Pool(poop!)!

Week 17: Schedule

No, I haven't forgotten the updates. Things have been Sarah Palin-like crazy around here, but I'm going to get the Week 16 results up today (Thursday), dammit. I promise. In the meantime, here is the schedule for Week 17.

The games start this Sunday at 1pm EST, so I'll need all of your picks by then. There is no Monday Night game this week, so we'll use the Sunday Night game instead. Its so designated below. Happy Holidays, and best of luck to everyone on this the final week of Matty's Third Annual Football Pool (POOP!)!

Indianapolis at Buffalo
New Orleans at Carolina
Jacksonville at Cleveland
New England at Houston
NY "Vickers Mark 6A Light Tank" Giants at Minnesota
San Francisco at St. Louis
Atlanta at Tampa Bay
Pittsburgh at Miami
Chicago at Detroit
Philadelphia at Dallas
Kansas City at Denver
Baltimore at Oakland
Tennessee at Seattle
Washington at San Diego
Green Bay at Arizona
Cincinnati at NY Jets (plus points)

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Week 16: Under Construction

Sorry for the delay, folks. I'm down in DC, away from my computer and all the stats it has on it. I'll be back in Philly tonight (where I live) and I'll do my best to get the results and week 17 schedule up soon after I arrive this evening.


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Week 16: Schedule

No more Thursday night games! Yay! Instead, we've got a Friday night game. Small blessings, people, small blessings.

This week begins this coming Christmas Day, Friday, December 25th, at 7:30 pm EST. I need all of your picks for the week by that time.

Happy Holidays. Here is your schedule for Week 16:

San Diego at Tennessee
Tampa Bay at New Orleans
Kansas City at Cincinnati
Buffalo at Atlanta
Houston at Miami
Seattle at Green Bay
Carolina at New York Giants
Oakland at Cleveland
Jacksonville at New England
Baltimore at Pittsburgh
St. Louis at Arizona
Detroit at San Francisco
Denver at Philadelphia
New York Jets at Indianapolis
Dallas at Washington
Minnesota at Chicago (total points)

Week 15: Results

Two weeks go to and we've got some action at the top, folks. But first I'd like to take a moment to congratulate the Washington Redskins for engendering the most exclamations from national football announcers that I've ever heard in my 30 years following football. Mike "Bring that ass over here" Tirico actually said "Wow." on several occasions, Jon Gruden repeatedly said how amazed he was at how completely dominated the Redskins were, and telestrater extraordinaire Ron Jaworski said "perfectly executed" so many times I think he may have pulled a vocal cord. I'll add to Tirico's count and say, wow, what a pooptastic performance.

But I'm not here to bury the Redskins. No, they did that themselves about six weeks ago. [Ba-Da-BOOM!] Sank yoo, I vill be heer all zee veek.

Lets get right to the Week 15 action. When last we left them, there was a six thousand way tie for first place. Fortunately, five thousand nine hundred ninety six picked Washington last night (actually two), so it came down to just four people.

Those four were Jon Stover, Josh Money, Dave Labowitz, and Gedeon Mariam. Josh picked 36 Monday Night Points, Stover and Labowitz both picked 40, and Gedeon out-foxed them all by picking 42. The final score was Eleventy Boobtillion to negative 6, so, since Gedeon was the high man on the totem pole, he wins!

Congratulations, Gedeon! You win a year-long pass to see Robert Downey, Jr. kill Sir Arthur Conan Doyle all over again by kicking more ass in the new Sherlock Holmes! That's right, Downey essentially digs Sir Arthur back up again and poops right on his face! And you can see it as many times as you like! Yay!

No, actually you win more money than you can shake 69 sticks at. Unless it comes in check form (it does), in which case, you win the Weekly Standard Prize of $70.

Here are the final standings for Week 15:

1. Gedeon Mariam ... 10-6
1. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
1. Jon Stover ... 10-6
1. Josh Money ... 10-6
5. Zack Klein ... 9-7
5. George Smith ... 9-7
5. Alex Mena ... 9-7
5. Bill Denton ... 9-7
5. Joey Bansen ... 9-7
10. Dan Sinclair ... 8-8
10. Matthew Kory ... 8-8
10. Sandy Kory ... 8-8
10. Matthew Mariam ... 8-8
10. Adam Roy ... 8-8
15. Karl Vaillancourt ... 7-9
15. John Weaver ... 7-9

Week 15 pushed Joey Bansen back down the standings a bit, so I hope I'm not jumping the gun when I say it looks like the final winners will come out of the pack of current leaders Dave Labowitz and Bill Denton, and the two a game behind them, Gedeon Mariam and Jon Stover. Joey Bansen is three games back, which he could make up in two weeks, but it'll be a tough assignment. After Joey, well, we're all just picking up scraps. Its desperation time, people. I predict 11 people pick Detroit next week.

In other certainly less important news, the hotly contested title for last place is looking like a two man race: me and my brother. I predict he'll forget to send in his picks one of these last two weeks and I'll pass him in the standings.

Here are your Current Overall Standings:

1. Dave Labowitz ... 156-68
1. Bill Denton ... 156-68
3. Gedeon Mariam ... 155-69
3. Jon Stover ... 155-69
5. Joey Bansen ... 153-71
6. Adam Roy ... 150-74
6. Josh Money ... 150-74
8. Matthew Mariam ... 148-76
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 146-78
9. John Weaver ... 146-78
11. George Smith ... 145-79
12. Dan Sinclair ... 144-80
13. Alex Mena ... 142-82
14. Zack Klein ... 141-83
15. Sandy Kory ... 131-93
16. Matthew Kory ... 129-95

Week 16 Schedule to come. Anyone who is traveling over the holidays may want to just suck it up and send in your picks early.

Congratulations to Gedeon one more time, and Happy holidays to you all.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Week 15: Update

Well, my little chickadees, we collectively sucked a fat hog this week. Everyone is either 9-6, 8-7, or 7-8. The six tied at the semi-pitiful record of 9-6 are - obviously - the ones in the running for the WSP. Here's the list with who they picked for tonight's game, followed by all the MNP machinations:

Alex Mena (REDSKINS!!!!!!)
Jon Stover (giants)
Dave Labowitz (giants)
Josh Money (giants)
Zack Klein (REDSKINS!!!!!!!)
Gedeon Mariam (giants)

If the giants win and the total score is...:

...between 0 and 39, Josh Money wins.
... either 40 or 41 then Jon Stover and Dave Labowitz split the WSP.
... 42 or higher, Gedeon Mariam wins.

If the REDSKINS!!!!!!! win and the total score is...:

...between 0-43, Alex Mena wins.
... 44 or greater, Zack Klein wins.

Best of luck to everyone. I'll be back tomorrow with the results, and the schedule for Week 16. It seems we're done with Thursday games. Instead, we've got a Friday night game this week, so I'll need your picks by Christmas day, Friday, December 25th at 7:30pm EST.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Money Distribution In Case Of A Tie In The Overall Standings At The End Of The Season

If you're looking for your Week 15 schedule, you can find it here.

* * *

This post outlines the distribution of winnings at the end of the season. In the years doing this pool we've never had a tie at the top before, and based on the current standings we won't have one this year either, but just in case, I thought it would be good to put in writing.

If there are no ties at all:

* The person finishing first overall wins $460.

* The person finishing second overall wins $225.

* The person finishing third overall wins $125.

If there is a two way tie for first:

* The first place and second place prize money is combined ($460 + $225 = $685) and divided by two ($685 / 2 = $342.50), so each first place winner will receive $342.50.

* The third place prize will be handed out to (or divided up equally between) the person(s) who finish directly behind the first place finishers.

Person 1 ... 200-2
Person 2 ... 200-2
Person 3 ... 199-3
Person 4 ... 199-3
Person 5 ... 198-4

- Person 1 and Person 2 are tied for first, so the first and second place prizes are combined and then split, with each person receiving half or receive $342.50.
- Person 3 and Person 4 are directly behind the first place finishers. As they are tied, they split the third place prize, so each receives $62.50.

If there is a three way (or more) tie for first:

* All the prize money would be combined ($810) and divided by the number of people tied for the position. (Example: $810 divided by 3, so each person wins $270.)

* No second or third place money would be handed out.

Person 1 ... 200-2
Person 2 ... 200-2
Person 3 ... 200-2
Person 4 ... 199-3
Person 5 ... 198-4

- Person 1, Person 2, and Person 3 are all tied for first. All the final money ($810) is split three ways and distributed equally to each, so that each receives $270.
- Person 4 and Person 5 receive nothing.

If there is a tie for second, but not for first:

* The first place person will receive the full first place prize.

* The people tied for second will receive the total of the second and third place prizes divided by the number of people tied for second (example: two people tied for second, you add the second and third place prizes [$225 + $125 = $350] and divide by the number of people tied for the position [2] and each person will get $175).

* No third place prize would be distributed.

Person 1 ... 200-2
Person 2 ... 199-3
Person 3 ... 199-3
Person 4 ... 199-3
Person 5 ... 198-4

- Person 1 wins the full first place prize of $460.
- Person 2, Person 3 and Person 4 are all tied for second. The second place and third place money ($225 and $125) is combined ($350) split three ways, and distributed equally to each, so that each receives $116.66.

- Person 5 receives nothing.

If there are no ties for first or second and a tie for third:

* First and second place prizes will be distributed normally.

* The third place prize ($125) will be split as many ways as there are third place finishers.

* * *

I hope that is all clear. Please email me if you have any questions.

Week 15: Schedule

Here is your Week 15 schedule. The first game is tomorrow, Thursday, December 17, 2009, at 8:20 pm EST. I'll need all of your picks by then.

Indianapolis at Jacksonville
Dallas at New Orleans
Cleveland at Kansas City
Atlanta at New York Jets
Miami at Tennessee
Houston at St. Louis
Arizona at Detroit
San Francisco at Philadelphia
New England at Buffalo
Chicago at Baltimore
Oakland at Denver
Cincinnati at San Diego
Tampa Bay at Seattle
Green Bay at Pittsburgh
Minnesota at Carolina
New York "bedpan" Giants at Washington (plus total points)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Week 14: Results

As Week 14 comes to a close we're left with only three weeks in the Christmas Shopping Season that is Matty's Third Annual Football Pool(poop!). Its time to pull out all the stops in hopes of squeezing one more victory out of this pool(poop!), one more win to sustain you through the long hot summer before the inevitable start of Matty's Fourth Annual Football Pool(poop!).

As for this week, well if you pay any attention to the updates you'd know that this week's winner wasn't in doubt after Sunday night. It is Bill Denton! Congratulations, Mr. Denton! You win this week's surprise prize, a boot to the nads from Jon Stover!! Jon went out and bought steel-toed shoes just for the occasion too. Lucky Jon didn't win this week, too, because in addition to getting kicked in the nads, he'd probably pull a hamstring.

Bill will also receive the Weekly Standard Prize, which will be delivered in a flaming poop-encrusted envelope at roughly 2am local time. Allow 8-12 weeks for delivery.

Here are the final standings for Week 14:

1. Bill Denton ... 14-2
2. Dave Labowitz ... 13-3
2. Matthew Mariam ... 13-3
2. Adam Roy ... 13-3
5. Gedeon Mariam ... 12-4
5. George Smith ... 12-4
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 12-4
5. Alex Mena ... 12-4
9. Dan Sinclair ... 11-5
9. Sandy Kory ... 11-5
9. Josh Money ... 11-5
12. Matthew Kory ... 10-6
12. John Weaver ... 10-6
12. Zack Klein ... 10-6
15. Jon Stover ... 9-7
15. Joey Bansen ... 9-7

The less than palatable performance by Joey and Jon has put the hurt'n to 'em, but good. Jon went from first overall by himself to tied for third with Gedeon Mariam, who just won't quit. After falling off the pace for a few weeks, Gedeon has managed to climb back up the proverbial ladder, where he sits with Jon, two games behind Bill and a game behind Dave. Incidentally, Dave Labowitz has managed the second best overall record of anyone in the pool without winning a single week. That deserves an MTAFP(p!) golf clap. * clap clap clap * Way to go, Dave.

After that, Joey, who forgot to send in his picks this week and thus earned the worst record recorded this week, fell to a game behind Jon and Gedeon, three games off the pace. Not an insurmountable deficit, but with only three weeks to go, it could be tough. After that, Adam Roy just won't say die, but he's got a herculean task ahead of him if he wants to finish in the money. He has to make up at least games on the field and jump ahead of at least three if not more people in the standings. Good luck with that, Adam.

After Adam, well the rest of us are just eating poop from a bowl.

Here are your Current Overall Standings (COS)

1. Bill Denton ... 147-61
2. Dave Labowitz ... 146-62
3. Gedeon Mariam ... 145-63
3. Jon Stover ... 145-63
5. Joey Bansen ... 144-64
6. Adam Roy ... 142-66
7. Josh Money ... 140-68
7. Matthew Mariam ... 140-68
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 139-69
9. John Weaver ... 139-69
11. Dan Sinclair ... 136-72
11. George Smith ... 136-72
13. Alex Mena ... 133-75
14. Zack Klein ... 132-76
15. Sandy Kory ... 123-85
16. Matthew Kory ... 121-87

Back later with the schedule for Week 15, which begins this Thursday evening and the explanation for the final distribution of moneys in the event of a tie.

Have a great week.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Week 14: Update

So, remember when I was smoking all y'all? My winning percentage was 1.000, and yours was 0.000. Ah... I remember that. Well, that's not so much how it is anymore. Sadly I have returned to my rightful place, the black hole at the bottom of the standings. Still, I'll always remember my few days in the sun... [cue happy montage: footage of people dancing in the street, children eating ice cream, and the sun poking out from behind clouds all to Sheryl Crow's "Soaking Up The Sun"]

But back to reality. [induce vomiting]

Week 14 was an exercise in doing what Bill Denton did. If you followed the ways of the Denton (pronounced with a Louisiana accent thusly: Den-TONE), you were golden. If not, and I am a prime example of this, you got to eat the yucky yucky poop log. Speaking from experience, grody.

What the hell are you saying, Matty? Gosh dernit, just spit it out!

Alright, already. Bill Denton is this week's winner. In 15 games he has 14 wins, and picked Arizona tonight. Three people have 13 wins, but none of them picked San Francisco tonight so none of them can pick up a game on Bill and bring the contest to Monday Night Points. So they all lose, and Bill wins. Satisfied?

No. Eat poo.

Sorry to spoil the suspense.

I'll be back tomorrow with the final standings for Week 14 and the Current Overall standings. If your name rhymes with "Snon Clover" you probably won't be too pleased, but if your name rhymes with "Dill Turdenton" you probably will be happy. Heck, I'll probably throw in some more poop jokes to amuse and upset.

* * *

Also, I forgot to post about how the final money will be distributed in case of a tie at the top of the standings. I'll do that this week, I promise.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Week 14: Pre-Update

One game down in Week 14 and we've got a clear leader already: Me! That's right, you mo-rons, I'm the only one to call Cleveland over Pittsburgh. So, here's the standings for Week 14 as they stand now:

1. Me ... Wins, sunshine, and smiling puppies
16. You ... Losses, pain, sadness, and angry snakes

So, I'm running over all of y'all with a steamroller, trampling you like a soccer riot, and crushing you like Tiger's wife.

Of course, that could change in the next fifteen games.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Week 14: Schedule

Here is the schedule for Week 14. The first game is on Thursday, December 10th at 8:20pm EST, so I'll need all of your picks by that time. As always, my picks will be posted in the comments section before the start of the first game.

Pittsburgh at Cleveland
New Orleans at Atlanta
Detroit at Baltimore
Green Bay at Chicago
Seattle at Houston
Denver at Indianapolis
Miami at Jacksonville
Buffalo at Kansas City
Cincinnati at Minnesota
Carolina at New England
New York Jets at Tampa Bay
St. Louis at Tennessee
Washington at Oakland
San Diego at Dallas
Philadelphia at New York "Beer Koozie" Giants
Arizona at San Francisco (total points)

Week 13: Results

Its a banner day, folks. In three years of being in this pool, Jon Stover has never, never, never (that's "never") won a WSP. OK, yes, he did split one with Matthew Mariam in Week 8, but that's as far as he's got. Well dry your teams, Jon, because you're this week's big wiener!

With Green Bay's win last night, Jon Stover wins this week outright. No wussy MNP for him. He did it the old fashioned way: he beat up a senior citizen, stole it, then ran away.

Congrats, Jon. I believe you're only down $4,308.17 now. Good luck winning that all back.

Here are the final standings for Week 13:

1. Jon Stover ... 13-3
2. Alex Mena ... 12-4
2. Josh Money ... 12-4
4. Adam Roy ... 11-5
4. Joey Bansen ... 11-5
4. Karl Vaillancourt ... 11-5
7. George Smith ... 10-6
7. Bill Denton ... 10-6
7. Sandy Kory ... 10-6
7. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
7. Gedeon Mariam ... 10-6
12. Dan Sinclair ... 9-7
12. Matthew Mariam ... 9-7
14. John Weaver ... 8-8
15. Zack Klein ... 7-9
16. Matthew Kory ... 6-10

We've got four more weeks, folks, and we've got some turnover at the top. But before we get to that, it has been brought to my attention that I haven't been clear about how the prize money will be distributed in the case of a tie for either first, second, or third in the final standings. I'm going to put a post up about that after the schedule for Week 14 is posted, so sometime within the next few days. Please refer to that if you have any questions, and as always, feel free to email me if things aren't clear. (It may be slightly technical, so feel free to ignore it if you like.)

Back to the pool(poop!)! So, where was I? Ah! Turn over at the top. You may recall that the top of last week's standings looked like this:

Standings after Week 12 (!not current!):

1. Joey Bansen ... 124
2. Dave Labowitz ... 123
2. Jon Stover ... 123
2. Bill Denton ... 123
2. Gedeon Mariam ... 123
6. John Weaver ... 121

Well, things have changed since then. Were things were muddled, now we have clarity. Where things were tied, now we have... uh... untied. (I was an English major!)

For the first time in a while we've got a clear #1 and #2. After that there is a race for third place between three people. And after that, well, Adam Roy is making a serious charge over these last few weeks. Something could come of it if he keeps it up, but it's gonna be tough. Josh Money is in the running as much as Adam, but both of them are 7 games back. Poor John Weaver has dropped from three games back to seven games back. (Ouch!) So he's in the same boat as Josh and Adam.

Here's the craziness (a.k.a the Current Overall Standings (COS)):

1. Jon Stover ... 136
2. Joey Bansen ... 135
3. Bill Denton ... 133
3. Gedeon Mariam ... 133
3. Dave Labowitz ... 133
6. Adam Roy ... 129
6. Josh Money ... 129
6. John Weaver ... 129
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 127
9. Matthew Mariam ... 127
11. Dan Sinclair ... 125
12. George Smith ... 124
13. Zack Klein ... 122
14. Alex Mena ... 121
15. Sandy Kory ... 112
16. Matthew Kory ... 111

The schedule for Week 14 to come (again, another irritating Thursday night game, so I'll need your picks before then), along with the explanation of ties in the final standings.

Have a great week everyone, and congratulations to Jon.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Week 13: Update

One more game to go in this week of our NFL season and we've got some serious turnover at the top. Howdy, folks. Hope your weekend wasn't as gut-wrenching as mine (thanks Redskins). Here at your beloved Pool(poop!) Headquarters (P(p!)Hq), its chaos, anarchy, bedlam, discord, a free-for-all, a holy mess, and a bunch of other synonyms for chaos that I found on Ah... the series of tubes we call the internet. Thank you, Al Gore. Thank you.

Here is where we stand right now. Only one person managed more than 11 wins so far and that would be The Holy Reverend Jonald D. "Ol' Stinky Horseybottoms" Stover, IV Esq. with his 12. That puts Ol' Stinky Horseybottoms in sole possession of first place one game ahead of Adam "I Really Need The Money" Roy, Josh "I Really Am The Money" Money, and Alex "No Fancypants Nickname Here" Mena who all have 11.

[By the way, just in case you are wondering, "Hmmm... I know winning is important and all, but I sure am curious if anyone shat the bed so spectacularly this week that they are, oh, say seven games behind Ol' Stinky Horseybottoms and at least two games behind everyone else..." Well, funny you should wonder, because the answer is, amazingly, yes. Friends, I lay claim to that honor. And by 'honor' I mean 'sucking hard.' Real, real hard.]

To tie Reverend Horseybottoms, any one of the 11 Win Triumvirate (11WT) will have to catch him tonight and beat him on Monday Night Points. Sadly for Josh and Alex, Jon picked Green Bay over Baltimore tonight, and so did they, thus making it mathematically impossible for them to catch him. Of the 11WT, only Adam Roy picked Baltimore, meaning...

Adam Roy is our only hope.

Jon picked 41 MNP. Adam picked 42 MNP. This one's easy. So, here's how it works tonight. If Baltimore wins tonight, and the final score totals 42 or more, Adam wins. Any other scenario and Jon wins.

Best of luck to neither of you bastards.

Back tomorrow with more tales from the crypt the final standings for Week 13 and Week 14's schedule.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Week 13: Schedule

Here is the schedule for Week 13. The week begins this Thursday, December 3 at 8:20 pm EST. I'll need all of your picks by then.

New York Jets at Toronto/Buffalo
St. Louis at Chicago
New England at Miami
Philadelphia at Atlanta
New Orleans at Washington
Tennessee at Indianapolis
Oakland at Pittsburgh
Denver at Kansas City
Tampa Bay at Carolina
Detroit at Cincinnati
Houston at Jacksonville
San Diego at Cleveland
Dallas at New York "Software Developing" Giants
San Francisco at Seattle
Minnesota at Arizona
Baltimore at Green Bay (total points)

Week 12: Results

Another exciting week is in the books and we've got ourselves another repeat winner. You'll remember that if New Orleans won last night, the pool(poop!) would come down to Monday Night Points (MNP). Again. So guess what happened.

[pause for tumbleweed rolling by]

Yes. New Orleans won. I know. Unbelievable.

Even more unbelievable was the point total. If the score was 57 or less, Adam Roy would win. Between 58 and 69 (huh huh huh) Josh Money would win, and if the score exceeded 69 (huh huh huh) points, Karl Vaillancourt would win.

The final score was 38-17 for a total of 55 MNPs. Adam Roy wins! Congratulations Adam! You win this week's prize, an all expenses paid trip to Adam Roy's house!! Oh... crap. Well, never mind. Or, in 90's parlance, nevermind. You'll have to settle for the Weekly Standard Prize, which should arrive at your doorstep any moment. Just remember the two rules of receiving the WSP: Rule 1) Open in a lightly populated area, and Rule 2) If it begins to smoke, cover your head, and flee on foot while making sounds like a chicken.

Here are the final standings for Week 12:

1. Adam Roy ... 14-2
1. Karl Vaillancourt ... 14-2
1. Josh Money ... 14-2
4. Matthew Mariam ... 13-3
4. Dave Labowitz ... 13-3
6. Joey Bansen ... 12-4
6. Jon Stover ... 12-4
6. John Weaver ... 12-4
6. Gedeon Mariam ... 12-4
6. George Smith ... 12-4
11. Zack Klein ... 11-5
11. Bill Denton ... 11-5
13. Matthew Kory ... 10-6
13. Sandy Kory ... 10-6
15. Alex Mena ... 9-7
15. Dan Sinclair ... 9-7

There are 5 more weeks left in this NFL season, so it's time to fling that poo against the wall in a desperate and ultimately futile attempt to climb the standings. This week there is no tie at the top. Joey Bansen is the overall leader, but three people (Dave Labowitz, Bill Denton, and Jon Stover) are only a game back. After that, John Weaver is three games behind Joey and that pretty much ends the list of contenders for first place overall. Unless Adam or Matthew Mariam can pull a hat out of their ass and then pull a rabbit out of the hat. And let me tell you from personal experience... actually, forget it.

Your Current Overall Standings (COS) are as follows:

1. Joey Bansen ... 124
2. Dave Labowitz ... 123
2. Jon Stover ... 123
2. Bill Denton ... 123
2. Gedeon Mariam ... 123
6. John Weaver ... 121
7. Adam Roy ... 118
7. Matthew Mariam ... 118
9. Josh Money ... 117
10. Karl Vaillancourt ... 116
10. Dan Sinclair ... 116
12. Zack Klein ... 115
13. George Smith ... 114
14. Alex Mena ... 109
15. Matthew Kory ... 105
16. Sandy Kory ... 102

We've got yet another Thursday night game this week folks, so don't forget to turn your picks in by 8:20 pm EST, this Thursday night, December 3rd. I'll post the schedule for Week 13 in a moment. Have a great week.