Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Week 17: Schedule

All games are on Sunday so we're using the Sunday night game as the tie breaker this week.  So *SOB*  here it is, the final schedule, your Week 17 inventory:

New York Jets at Miami
San Francisco at St. Louis
Carolina at New Orleans
Tennessee at Houston
Washington at Philadelphia
Detroit at Green Bay
Chicago at Minnesota
Indianapolis at Jacksonville
Buffalo at New England
Seattle at Arizona
San Diego at Oakland
Kansas City at Denver
Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Baltimore at Cincinnati
Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Dallas at New York Giants (plus total points)

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Week 16: Results


No beating around the bush here. No tiddly winks and slappy cakes this weeks. I fucking win!


Ha HA!

As you surely recall from the update, Ryan and I were the lone wolves this week. Ryan went out on a limb and picked Atlanta to beat New Orleans on Monday Night. He was the only one in the pool(poop!) to do it. But, as everyone in the pool(poop!) but Ryan knew, Drew Brees is a professional ass kicking machine. The Falcons got in line, made it to the front, Brees kicked their asses and they headed back home.

I'm the big wiener Week 16! I win the WSP!

Gimme gimme gimme!

In any case, that means I win my first WSP this week. Congratulations to me.

OK, enough of that garbage. Here's how Week 16 came out:

1. Matthew Kory ... 13-3
2. Ryan Schultz ... 12-4
2. Joey Bansen ... 12-4
2. Sandy Kory ... 12-4
5. Bill Denton ... 11-5
5. Jon Stover ... 11-5
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 11-5
5. John Weaver ... 11-5
5. Robin Wood ... 11-5
5. Gedeon Mariam ... 11-5
11. Josh Money ... 10-6
11. Christine Roberts ... 10-6
11. Matthew Mariam ... 10-6
11. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
11. Zack Klein ... 10-6
16. George Smith ... 9-7
17. Adam Roy ... 8-8
17. Paddy Althoff ... 8-8

You'll notice that Dave Labowitz's 10 wins were less than John Weaver's 11. Thus John's lead on the pool as a whole increased by a game. Karl Vaillancourt also picked up a game on Dave and on Josh Money, vaulting himself free and clear into third place. Josh Money is only a game out of the money though so he can still finish as high as second if he puts his mind to it. Hell, he could finish first, it's just not bloody likely.

Beyond that, we're all fighting for table scraps, sadly. Joey Bansen is four games out of the money and would have to jump over Josh Money to get there. Not impossible, but a tall order with only a week to go. Robin Wood and I are (sorry to say, Robin) pretty well cooked. We're both five games out of the money with two people to jump over. Beyond that, well, it just ain't happening. Sorry folks.

Here's the Current Overall Standings through 16 weeks:

1. John Weaver ... 165
2. Dave Labowitz ... 162
3. Karl Vaillancourt ...  161
4. Josh Money ... 160
5. Joey Bansen ... 157
6. Robin Wood ...156
6. Matthew Kory ... 156
8. Zack Klein ... 154
9. Christine Roberts ... 153
10. Bill Denton ... 150
11. Matthew Mariam ... 149
12. Ryan Schultz ... 148
13. Gedeon Mariam ... 146
13. George Smith ... 146
15. Paddy Althoff ... 145
15. Sandy Kory ... 145
17. Adam Roy ... 143
18. Jon Stover ... 141

I'll post something before the start of week 17 on the pool as a whole and a reminder of the money situation.

Happy Holidays.

Week 16: Update

Yes, this is how dedicated (read: stupid) I am. I'm posting an update on Christmas day. Jesus will be pee-owed!

I'm writing this well before tonight's (Sunday's) Packers/Bears game because, well, we all know who will win that. And even if we don't, we all think we do (we all picked Green Bay), so for the purposes of the Pool(poop!)! it doesn't matter.

Week 16 has just two people still in the running for the Weekly Standard Prize. Ryan Schultz and (you're not going to believe this but...) ME! That's right! The idiot who runs this stupid waste of time might actually maybe sortof win something!

Holy crap on a crutch!

(Don't hold your breath.)

Ryan and I both have 12 wins and at least a game up on everyone else (again, assuming GB wins; if Chicago wins then we both have 11 wins and the same game up).

With the Monday Night match up of Atlanta (9-5) at New Orleans (11-3), you'd think this would come down to Monday Night Points (MNP). You'd be wrong. Everyone in the entire Pool(poop!)! picked New Orleans to beat Atlanta except one person: Ryan Schultz.

So MNPs be damned! This one's going down old style. If Atlanta beats New Orleans, Ryan is the Big Wiener for Week 16. If New Orleans wins, I'm your BW.

Back tomorrow or Tuesday with the results and the schedule for Week 17 which, by the way, is entirely devoid of Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Monday games. All the games are on Sunday, January 1st.


Happy Holidays, Pool(poop!) Peeps.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Week 16: Schedule

This is easily the strangest schedule of the year. Almost all the games are on Saturday because of Christmas. Only one game is on Sunday, with the requisite one on Thursday night and one on Monday night. As such, you can still send in your Thursday pick separately if you want, but there is no point in sending in Saturday picks separate from Sunday and Monday. As such, please just send in every post-Thursday game at once. Thanks.

Fear the schedule!

Thursday (can send in separately)

Houston at Indianapolis

Saturday & Everything Else (Please send in with Sunday & Monday picks)

Denver at Buffalo
Miami at New England
Cleveland at Baltimore
Jacksonville at Tennessee
Oakland at Kansas City
New York Giants at New York Jets
Minnesota at Washington
Tampa Bay at Carolina
Arizona at Cincinnati
St. Louis at Pittsburgh
San Diego at Detroit
Philadelphia at Dallas
San Francisco at Seattle
Chicago at Green Bay (Only Sunday Game)
Atlanta at New Orleans (plus total points)

Week 15: Results

I covered what a strange week this was in the Update on Sunday night. Suffice it to say STRANGE. That strangeness is reflected in our records. We haven't had as bad a week collectively since Week 10 when Bill Denton won with just 10 wins.

Anyway, it came down to both the Monday night game and then Monday Night Points. As you'll recall, if San Francisco won, which they did, then it would come down to John Weaver and Joey Bansen. John had the under and Joey the over (effectively) and because the final score was 20-3, this week's big wiener is John Weaver! Congratulations, John! You win ten hours of free babysitting by Bill Conlin!

OK, I've been informed that I've just been fired for that joke. 

Here are the results for Week 15:

1. John Weaver ... 11-5
1. Joey Bansen ... 11-5
3. Adam Roy ... 10-6
3. Bill Denton ... 10-6
3. Josh Money ... 10-6
3. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
7. Karl Vaillancourt ... 9-7
7. Matthew Kory ... 9-7
7. Jon Stover ... 9-7
10. Sandy Kory ... 8-8
10. Zack Klein ... 8-8
10. George Smith ... 8-8
10. Paddy Althoff ... 8-8
10. Matthew Mariam ... 8-8
10. Christine Roberts ... 8-8
16. Robin Wood ... 7-9
17. Ryan Schultz ... 6-10
18. Gedeon Mariam ... 5-11

You may see some similarities in the Week 15 results and the Current Overall Standings. For instance, John Weaver is in 1st in both of them. John actually picked up a game on Dave Labowitz who picked up a game on Karl Vailancourt. Josh Money also picked up a game on Karl and has now tied him for third place. After that, well, good fucking luck. Robin Wood, Joey Bansen, and Zack Klein are all within shouting if not striking distance. Other than that, we're all hoping for one or two more WSPs before calling it a year. 

Here are the Current Overall Standings...

1. John Weaver ... 154
2. Dave Labowitz ... 152
3. Josh Money ... 150
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 150
5. Robin Wood ... 145
5. Joey Bansen ... 145
7. Zack Klein ... 144
8. Christine Roberts ... 143
8. Matthew Kory ... 143
10. Bill Denton ... 139
10. Matthew Mariam ... 139
10. Ryan Schultz ... 139
13. George Smith ... 137
14. Paddy Althoff ... 136
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 135
16. Adam Roy ... 134
17. Sandy Kory ... 133
18. Jon Stover ... 130

The schedule for this week is weird because of Xmas. If you think you might forget to send in your picks, I suggest you just do it ASAP. You can always email me changes later if you want (though generally I discourage this because it 18 people making changes to their picks can be very confusing). Better bad picks than none.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Week 15: Update

What a weird freakin week.

In a week where the only undefeated team lost and the only totally defeated team won, well, let's say there was some odd shit going on. There were so many upsets that you'd think people's pick totals would be all over the map. But no. Oddly enough, everyone ended up in the same range. It seemed that no matter how many upsets you got right, it evened out over the 16 games because, while you might have nailed one or two, you picked three or four total and ate it on the others.

Nobody guessed that Green Bay would lose, which makes sense. I mean, Kansas City? They lost their best player in Week 1 or 2 (I can't remember), recently fired their head coach, and are on their (I think) eighth quarterback. So, sure, of course they'd beat the only undefeated team in the NFL. [smacks self in head]

On the other hand, Indianapolis, a team which as fallen apart like a Jenga stack in the hands of a four year old with a tremor, beat a Tennessee team which has been defined by, if nothing else, showing up for all their games. Not anymore. Of those two games, only one person picked one correctly.

So it was a weird week. Yet somehow, through the haze of upsets and strange outcomes, four people managed ten wins. Those four are Bill Denton, Adam Roy, John Weaver, and Joey Bansen. Everyone else in the entire Pool(poop!) had 9, 8 or 7 wins, with only one exception.

So it's going to come down to those four. And since they split the Monday night picks evenly -- Bill and Adam picked Pittsburgh to beat San Francisco on Monday Night, while John and Joey have San Fran -- it's going to come down to Monday Night Points (MNP)!

Here's how it'll break down. If Pittsburgh wins tonight and the total score...

... is from 0 up to 39, Adam Roy will win.
... is 40 or over, Bill Denton will win.

If San Francisco wins and the total score...

... is from 0 to 40, John Weaver will win.
... is 41 or over, Joey Bansen will win.

Tune in tomorrow night or Tuesday for the final results and the Current Overall Standings. We're getting down to the wire, peeps!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Week 15: Schedule

Irritatingly, this week features a Saturday game. If you want to, you may send your Saturday pick in separately, just like you do with the Thursday game. Of course, this will require a very bothersome three emails, so I leave it up to you. Send them separately or not. Just don't forget. I'll try to send out a reminder email but don't count on that happening.

Week 15 Schedule:

Thursday (8:20pm EST)
Jacksonville at Atlanta

Saturday (8:20pm EST)
Dallas at Tampa Bay

Sunday (1:00pm EST)
Cincinnati at St. Louis
Miami at Buffalo
Tennessee at Indianapolis
Washington at New York "Gortex" Giants
Seattle at Chicago
New Orleans at Minnesota
Carolina at Houston
Green Bay at Kansas City
Detroit at Oakland
New York Jets at Philadelphia
Cleveland at Arizona
New England at Denver
Baltimore at San Diego
Pittsburgh at San Francisco (plus total points)

Week 14: Results

My next door neighbor is a Dallas Cowboys fan. I'm a Redskisn fan. Our teams suck.

His house and mine are about ten feet apart and our kitchen windows face each other over my driveway. So in the morning, I can look out the kitchen window and see him looking out his. We usually wave and smile and go about our days. This weekend though, after my Redskins lost in one of the most respectable loses* of the season, his Cowboys were on Sunday night. I kept seeing him through the kitchen window wearing his Cowboys jersey, but he wasn't ever there for too long.

* Respectable loses? What the fuck is that shit? Just a few simple decades of losing and your outlook on your football team is destroyed.

I couldn't get his attention. So I got out a piece of paper and wrote "Your Cowboys Suck (But Not As Much As My Skins)" on it with the appropriate amount of underlining and exclamation points for emphasis and taped it to my window. I then went about my evening, forgetting the message. A bit later, after the Cowboys had lost in wonderfully excruciating fashion** I noticed a message taped to his window. It said, "Yup. We're both terrible. When is the draft?"

** Really, is there anything better than seeing Jerry Jones plastic face strain to show upset after his team blows a 10 point lead in the last five minutes to Eli Manning? Answer: no. No there is not.

So it's a sad state of affairs on my block. And yet none of that has shit to do with the Pool(poop!)! To the results!

You may recall through the haze of baby poop and screaming, George Smith had an epiphany last week. The Football Gods descended upon his house at 3am and told him who would win the games in Week 13. Dutifully George submitted his/their picks and, miracle of miracles, won the Weekly Standard Prize. But it's been on the news and in the papers, so we all know this. What we didn't know is George didn't submit a straight football gods only ballot last week. Nope, George substituted three of his picks for theirs. The result was a 13-3 record and an angry 3am lecture about this week's picks.

George didn't make the same mistake again. This week he submitted a straight football gods ballot with only one alteration. In George's defense though, if someone showed up at your house at 3am to tell you the Cardinals were going to beat the 49ers, would you believe them? 

Congratulations, George, on surely the most exciting news that you've heard in at least five minutes: you win this week's Weekly Standard Prize (WSP)!

Here are the results:

1. George Smith ... 14-2
2. Karl Vaillancourt ... 13-3
2. Joey Bansen ... 13-3
2. Matthew Kory ... 13-3
5. Dave Labowitz ... 12-4
5. Josh Money ... 12-4
5. Jon Stover ... 12-4
8. Ryan Schultz ... 11-5
8. Matthew Mariam ... 11-5
8. Gedeon Mariam ... 11-5
8. Christine Roberts ... 11-5
8. Zack Klein ... 11-5
13. Sandy Kory ... 10-6
13. Adam Roy ... 10-6
13. Robin Wood ... 10-6
16. John Weaver ... 9-7
17. Paddy Althoff ... 8-8
17. Bill Denton ... 8-8

Now a reminder. There are only three weeks left in Matty's Fifth Semi-Annual Football Pool(poop!)! That means, time to make a run at it, son. Remember, the top three finishers will win serious dough. Week 14 cut into John Weaver's lead big time, but he's still up there, desperately trying to hold off Dave Labowitz who is outside his house, beating down the door, naked, with a crowbar. Former leader Karl Vaillancourt has vaulted himself back into the top three and is now only two games behind Weaver for first place. Josh Money has been silently hanging around and is now only four games out of first.

After Mr. Money, it'll be hard to make a run at the top spot. That doesn't mean there aren't some outside shots at it.

Here are your Current Overall Standings (COS) through Week 14:

1. John Weaver ... 143
2. Dave Labowitz ... 142
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 141
4. Josh Money ... 140
5. Robin Wood ... 138
6. Zack Klein ... 136
7. Christine Roberts ... 135
8. Matthew Kory ... 134
8. Joey Bansen ... 134
10. Matthew Mariam ... 131
10. Ryan Schultz ... 131
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 130
13. George Smith ... 129
13. Bill Denton ... 129
15. Paddy Althoff ... 128
16. Adam Roy ... 126
17. Sandy Kory ... 125
18. Jon Stover ... 121

Back in a moment with YOUR Week 15 Schedule.

Week 14: Update

There will be no showdown this week.

There will be no suspense, certainly no anticipation, and firmly, absolutely, and definitely no fun. Nor will there be any money for you, unless your name is George Smith. Yes, it's true, for the second week in a row, Mr. Smith has not only won the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) but he's won it regardless of the outcome of the Monday night contest. Impressive stuff, George, impressive stuff indeed.

Back Monday or Tuesday night with the final results for Week 14 and your Week 15 Schedule.

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Week 14: Schedule

Time to take those dirty undies off and put on some clean ones... It's the Week 14 Schedule!

Cleveland at Pittsburgh

Sunday & Monday:
Tampa Bay at Jacksonville
New Orleans at Tennessee
Philadelphia at Miami
Indianapolis at Baltimore
Houston at Cincinnati
Kansas City at New York Jets
New England at Washington
Atlanta at Carolina
Minnesota at Detroit
Chicago at Denver
San Francisco at Arizona
Buffalo at San Diego
Oakland at Green Bay
New York "F The Jets!" Giants at Dallas
St. Louis at Seattle (plus total points)

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Week 13: Results

OK, Pool(poop!) Peeps, my bad. I admit, I totally forgot I was supposed to write this up today. I ran the numbers last night and somehow in preparation for this write-up and somehow that was enough for my teeny little brain to cross this out on the ol' mental To Do list. I'm a simple man. And by simple I mean stupid.

Anyway, we had an interesting one this week. First I should point out that, like I mentioned in the update, George Smith became a dad this past week. OK, technically it was his third child, but still. As you can see below, George is this week's Big Wiener. But, George wasn't the only one to have a child this week. Adam Roy became a dad as well when his wife had their first child. (Congratulations, Adam!) Because George has had children before he saw it coming and sent his picks in last Tuesday. Adam, being a rookie at this, never saw the truck that hit him and therefore didn't send in his picks at all.

So, that's your Week 13, peeps. Here's how it looks all lined up and such:

1. George Smith ... 13-3
2. Zack Klein ... 12-4
2. Karl Vaillancourt ... 12-4
2. Matthew Kory ... 12-4
5. John Weaver ... 11-5
5. Bill Denton ... 11-5
7. Josh Money ... 10-6
7. Christine Roberts ... 10-6
7. Robin Wood ... 10-6
7. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
7. Ryan Schultz ... 10-6
12. Jon Stover ... 9-7
12. Joey Bansen ... 9-7
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 9-7
15. Matthew Mariam ... 8-8
16. Sandy Kory ... 8-8
17. Paddy Althoff ... 5-11
18. Adam Roy ... 4-12

Turns out, Week 13 had just about no effect on the top of our leaderboard. John Weaver still leads the pack, now by 4 over Dave Labowitz. In fact, Robin Wood and Josh Money are still tied for 3rd, just as they were last week. The only difference is Karl Vaillancourt picked up two games and is now tied for 3rd as well. One more thing I'd like to point out is me. In Week 9 I was one game out of last place. Since then, I've moved up all the way to a tie for 8th. Impressive? Well, not really. But it's better than nothing I guess.

We've got four weeks left so if you're going on some sort of run, now is the time, my friends. Here's the Current Overall Standings (COS):

1. John Weaver ... 134
2. Dave Labowitz ... 130
3. Robin Wood ... 128
3. Josh Money ... 128
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 128
6. Zack Klein ... 125
7. Christine Roberts ... 124
8. Matthew Kory ... 121
8. Bill Denton ... 121
8. Joey Bansen ... 121
11. Matthew Mariam ... 120
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 119
13. Ryan Schultz ... 117
14. Sandy Kory ... 115
14. George Smith ... 115
16. Paddy Althoff ... 114
17. Adam Roy ... 112
18. Jon Stover ... 109

Have a great week.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Week 13: Update

There is still the Sunday night game left to go as I write this, but since everyone in the entire Pool(poop!) (somewhat surprisingly) picked New Orleans, the game won't affect the final standings. As such, with two games left to play, there are two people with 11 wins on the week. They are George Smith, who's wife, Katie, just had their third baby (CONGRATULATIONS, GEORGE!), and Karl Vaillancourt, who can get a baby for anyone who wants one because Karl knows people who knows people, knowwutameen? I kid. Karl won't sell you a baby (shhh!! yes he will!).

In any case, as I said, George and Karl both have 11 wins. There are two people with 10 wins, but since George and Karl picked different teams on Monday Night, one of them will end up with an uncatchable 12 wins.

So, Pool(poop!) Peeps, no Monday Night Points (MNP) this week. This one is easy. George picked San Diego and Karl picked Jacksonville. The one who is correct wins the Weekly Standard Prize. The one who is wrong wins the proverbial kick in the dick. Also a real kick in the dick. Best of luck to both!

Back Monday or Tuesday with the results and the schedule for Week 14.