Monday, December 12, 2011

Week 14: Results

My next door neighbor is a Dallas Cowboys fan. I'm a Redskisn fan. Our teams suck.

His house and mine are about ten feet apart and our kitchen windows face each other over my driveway. So in the morning, I can look out the kitchen window and see him looking out his. We usually wave and smile and go about our days. This weekend though, after my Redskins lost in one of the most respectable loses* of the season, his Cowboys were on Sunday night. I kept seeing him through the kitchen window wearing his Cowboys jersey, but he wasn't ever there for too long.

* Respectable loses? What the fuck is that shit? Just a few simple decades of losing and your outlook on your football team is destroyed.

I couldn't get his attention. So I got out a piece of paper and wrote "Your Cowboys Suck (But Not As Much As My Skins)" on it with the appropriate amount of underlining and exclamation points for emphasis and taped it to my window. I then went about my evening, forgetting the message. A bit later, after the Cowboys had lost in wonderfully excruciating fashion** I noticed a message taped to his window. It said, "Yup. We're both terrible. When is the draft?"

** Really, is there anything better than seeing Jerry Jones plastic face strain to show upset after his team blows a 10 point lead in the last five minutes to Eli Manning? Answer: no. No there is not.

So it's a sad state of affairs on my block. And yet none of that has shit to do with the Pool(poop!)! To the results!

You may recall through the haze of baby poop and screaming, George Smith had an epiphany last week. The Football Gods descended upon his house at 3am and told him who would win the games in Week 13. Dutifully George submitted his/their picks and, miracle of miracles, won the Weekly Standard Prize. But it's been on the news and in the papers, so we all know this. What we didn't know is George didn't submit a straight football gods only ballot last week. Nope, George substituted three of his picks for theirs. The result was a 13-3 record and an angry 3am lecture about this week's picks.

George didn't make the same mistake again. This week he submitted a straight football gods ballot with only one alteration. In George's defense though, if someone showed up at your house at 3am to tell you the Cardinals were going to beat the 49ers, would you believe them? 

Congratulations, George, on surely the most exciting news that you've heard in at least five minutes: you win this week's Weekly Standard Prize (WSP)!

Here are the results:

1. George Smith ... 14-2
2. Karl Vaillancourt ... 13-3
2. Joey Bansen ... 13-3
2. Matthew Kory ... 13-3
5. Dave Labowitz ... 12-4
5. Josh Money ... 12-4
5. Jon Stover ... 12-4
8. Ryan Schultz ... 11-5
8. Matthew Mariam ... 11-5
8. Gedeon Mariam ... 11-5
8. Christine Roberts ... 11-5
8. Zack Klein ... 11-5
13. Sandy Kory ... 10-6
13. Adam Roy ... 10-6
13. Robin Wood ... 10-6
16. John Weaver ... 9-7
17. Paddy Althoff ... 8-8
17. Bill Denton ... 8-8

Now a reminder. There are only three weeks left in Matty's Fifth Semi-Annual Football Pool(poop!)! That means, time to make a run at it, son. Remember, the top three finishers will win serious dough. Week 14 cut into John Weaver's lead big time, but he's still up there, desperately trying to hold off Dave Labowitz who is outside his house, beating down the door, naked, with a crowbar. Former leader Karl Vaillancourt has vaulted himself back into the top three and is now only two games behind Weaver for first place. Josh Money has been silently hanging around and is now only four games out of first.

After Mr. Money, it'll be hard to make a run at the top spot. That doesn't mean there aren't some outside shots at it.

Here are your Current Overall Standings (COS) through Week 14:

1. John Weaver ... 143
2. Dave Labowitz ... 142
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 141
4. Josh Money ... 140
5. Robin Wood ... 138
6. Zack Klein ... 136
7. Christine Roberts ... 135
8. Matthew Kory ... 134
8. Joey Bansen ... 134
10. Matthew Mariam ... 131
10. Ryan Schultz ... 131
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 130
13. George Smith ... 129
13. Bill Denton ... 129
15. Paddy Althoff ... 128
16. Adam Roy ... 126
17. Sandy Kory ... 125
18. Jon Stover ... 121

Back in a moment with YOUR Week 15 Schedule.

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