Tuesday, October 30, 2007

WEEK 8: RESULTS

Stupid full-time job!

Again, apologies for the late posting. I hope you’ll stick with me as I ease my way into getting up every day at 5:45am, coming home at 5pm, running (a supposed remedy for my newfound fatness), and then collapsing from overall exhaustion. Boo-hoo, I know.

OK, back to the pool (poop). Week 8 (not Week 9, as so many of you pointed out) is now in the books and we have a winner. But first, my Redskins suck. Now back to that whole ‘winner’ thing (which, as you will see, I know nothing about). Here are the standings for Week 8:

1. George….11-2
1. Josh…..11-2
1. Tyler….11-2
4. Joshu….10-3
4. Molly….10-3
4. Scott…..10-3
4. Bill……10-3
8. Zack….9-4
8. Dave….9-4
8. Matthew K…9-4
8. Jon…….9-4
8. Joey…..9-4
13. Matthew M…8-5 (whoops!)
14. Sandy…..7-6

George also goes so far as to take over the top spot in the overall standings. Evidenced here:

1. George…78-38
2. Dave…77-39
2. Scott….77-39
4. Jon….76-40
5. Bill….75-41
6. Molly….74-42
7. Tyler….72-44
7. Joshu….72-44
7. Sandy….72-44
10. Zack…..71-45
10. Josh….71-45
10. Joey….71-45
13. Matthew K…70-46 (at least I’m consistent, right Joe Morgan?)
14. Matthew M….69-47

Apparently theres something about the name “Matthew” that causes you to suck. Anyway, congrats if you won, sorry if you didn’t. I’ll post the schedule for Week 9 (yes, the actual Week 9, not some pseudo-Week 9) soon, probably tomorrow evening. I’m done with this crap for now.

Good night.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

WEEK 8: SCHEDULE

Here's yr Week 8 [edited] schedule, pool (poop!) peeps. Enjoy! Games start at 1pm EST this Sunday, October 28th. Lemme see them picks before then, eh?

Indianapolis at Carolina
Detroit at Chicago
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
NY "Tastee Taste" Giants at Miami
Philadelphia at Minnesota
Cleveland at St. Louis
Oakland at Tennessee
Buffalo at NY Jets
Houston at San Diego
Jacksonville at Tampa Bay
Washington at New England
New Orleans at San Francisco
Green Bay at Denver (plus total points)

WEEK 7: RESULTS

Apologies for the late post gang. By way of explanation, I just started my first post-graduate job on Monday so between that and my Red Sox (WE’RE GOING TO THE SERIES!!) my time has been at a premium recently. Since I’m really not that important (and the baseball season will soon end) I don’t expect this sort of thing to continue.

So, yeah, Week 7. My brother won. Stupid brother. Heres the results:

1. Sandy….12-2
2. Josh……11-3
2. Molly…..11-3
2. Jon…….11-3
5. Tyler…..10-4
5. Zack……10-4
5. Joey……10-4
5. George….10-4
5. Joshu…..10-4
10. Matthew M….9-5
10. Dave…..9-5
10. Scott…..9-5
13. Bill.........8-6
46,875,982. Matt….7-7

So congrats to Sandy. He wins a swift kick in the jimmies. And the WSP. Predictably, Sandy's fabulous week moves him up in the yearly standings.

1. Dave……68-35
2. Jon……..67-36
2. Scott……67-36
2. George….67-36
5. Sandy….65-38
5. Bill…….65-38
7. Molly….64-39
8. Joey…..62-41
8. Joshu…..62-41
8. Zack……62-41
11. Tyler…..61-42
11. Matt K….61-42
11. Matt M….61-42
14. Josh…..60-43

See? Told you. Sorry for the lack of humor and intrigue in this post, but hey, when you gotta go you gotta go (poop!).

On a separate note, I think these are correct scores, but frankly, I’m kinda tired, so I could’ve screwed something up. If you think I f’d yr picks up, lemme know. I’ll post the schedule for Week 8 soon.

WEEK 7: RESULTS

Apologies for the late post gang. By way of explanation, I just started my first post-graduate job on Monday so between that and my Red Sox (WE’RE GOING TO THE SERIES!!) my time has been at a premium recently. Since I’m really not that important (and the baseball season will soon end) I don’t expect this sort of thing to continue.

So, yeah, Week 7. My brother won. Stupid brother. Heres the results:

1. Sandy….12-2
2. Josh……11-3
2. Molly…..11-3
2. Jon…….11-3
5. Tyler…..10-4
5. Zack……10-4
5. Joey……10-4
5. George….10-4
5. Joshu…..10-4
10. Matthew M….9-5
10. Dave…..9-5
10. Scott…..9-5
13. Bill.........8-6
46,875,982. Matt….7-7

So congrats to Sandy. He wins a swift kick in the jimmies. And the WSP. Predictably, Sandy's fabulous week moves him up in the yearly standings.

1. Dave……68-35
2. Jon……..67-36
2. Scott……67-36
2. George….67-36
5. Sandy….65-38
5. Bill…….65-38
7. Molly….64-39
8. Joey…..62-41
8. Joshu…..62-41
8. Zack……62-41
11. Tyler…..61-42
11. Matt K….61-42
11. Matt M….61-42
14. Josh…..60-43

See? Told you. Sorry for the lack of humor and intrigue in this post, but hey, when you gotta go you gotta go (poop!).

On a separate note, I think these are correct scores, but frankly, I’m kinda tired, so I could’ve screwed something up. If you think I f’d yr picks up, lemme know. I’ll post the schedule for Week 8 soon.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

WEEK 7: SCHEDULE

Heres the schedule for Week 7. The first game is at 1pm EST on Sunday, October 21st. Please get me your picks before the start of the first game. Good luck!

Baltimore at Buffalo
Minnesota at Dallas
Tampa Bay at Detroit
Tennessee at Houston
New England at Miami
San Francisco at NY "Fried PB&J" Giants
Atlanta at New Orleans
Arizona at Washington
NY Jets at Cincinnati
Kansas City at Oakland
Chicago at Philadelphia
St. Louis at Seattle
Pittsburgh at Denver
Indianapolis at Jacksonville (plus total points)

[Edited: I confused the Jets and Giants games. That has now been fixed.]

WEEK 6: RESULTS

Apologies for the late post, peeps. I've been traveling all weekend long and not had time to tend to the pool(poop!) like I usually do. Yesterday I got to the Dallas airport at around 9am central time. I was supposed to make it back to Philly around 5pm EST. Instead, I didn't get back until 10:30pm. I missed the Red Sox loss to the Indians (DAMMIT!) and the Monday Night Football game (ho-hum). So I slept in today and only now am I prepared to tell the tale of…

Week 6: A week I forget.

Week 6 went down to the wire yet again. Going into the Monday night game, we had three people in contention, but since the Giants won, it came down to just two. Jon Stover and Scott Rozsa (who I had the pleasure of meeting this week down in Dallas: the Skins'll do better against Arizona this week, Scott) were tied after the whole slate at 9-4.

And so it came down to points yet again. Scott picked 30 and Jon Stover picked 40. The final score was 31-10, so Jon Stover is this week's winner!

Congratulations to Jon! Jon will receive a membership to the Flaming Bag of Poop of The Month Club. This month's flaming bag of poop is… turtle! It will be delivered to your door in the middle of the night once a month (we won't tell you when, that’s part of the fun)! Yay!

No, unfortunately Jon will just receive the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of $56, which will be delivered to his door smeared in poo and set on fire. Congratulations again to Jon!

This week's final standings are as follows:

1. Jon…… ……9-4 (Points)
1. Scott………..9-4
3. Josh………...8-5
3. Dave……….8-5
3. Sandy………8-5
3. Joey…...........8-5
3. Matthew K…8-5
3. George………8-5
3. Bill………….8-5
10. Joshu………7-6
10. Tyler……….7-6
10. Molly………7-6
10. Molly………7-6
14. Zack………...6-7

And the overall standings:

1. Dave………..59-30
2. Scott………..58-31
3. Bill………….57-32
3. George………57-32
5. Jon………….56-33
6. Matthew K….54-35
7. Molly………..53-36
7. Sandy……….53-36
9. Matthew M….52-37
9. Joshu………..52-37
9. Joey………….52-37
9. Zack…………52-37
13. Tyler……….51-38
14. Josh………..49-40

I’ll post the schedule for Week 7 shortly.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

WEEK 6: SCHEDULE

Here's the slate for Week 6: The Week That Neither Dave Nor Molly Wins The WSP. The games begin on October 14, at 1pm EST, so I'll need your picks in my in-box by that time.

St. Louis at Baltimore
Minnesota at Chicago
Miami at Cleveland
Washington at Green Bay
Houston at Jacksonville
Cincinnati at Kansas City
Philadelphia at NY Jets
Tennessee at Tampa Bay
Carolina at Arizona
New England at Dallas
Oakland at San Diego
New Orleans at Seattle
NY "peek-a-poo!" Giants at Atlanta (plus total points)

WEEK 5: WHY GEORGE HATES NICK FOLK

Tied going into Monday Night Football, the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of $56 would come down to total points. Molly picked 48 points. George picked under that. If the final score was 48 or over, Molly won the WSP. If it was under, George won.

After being intercepted five times, losing a fumble and trailing the entire game, Dallas QB Tony Romo hit Patrick Crayton with a 4-yard TD pass with 20 seconds left on the clock, to cap an 80 yard drive and to bring the team within 2. This made the score 24-22 (46 total points for those who can't count). If Dallas hit the two point conversion, the total points would reach 48 and Molly would win the WSP. If not, Molly would be over and George would win.

The crowd rose and roared in anticipation. Romo dropped back to pass, looked left, and hit Terrell Owens in the left side of the end zone for two points! Molly wins! But, as Owens was coming down, Jabari Greer stripped him of the ball and it fell to the ground, incomplete! The point total holds at 46 and George wins!

But, not so fast.

There were still about 30 seconds left on the clock. The Cowboys tried an on-side kick and recovered it at the 50 yard line. Then there were 20 seconds left, and the Cowboys had no time outs and the ball on the 50.

Romo hit T.O. over the middle for a 20 yard completion to bring the Cowboys into field goal range, but the officials looked a replay and ruled correctly that Owens had dropped the ball as he was being tackled. George Wins!!... uh, not yet.

So Romo threw two quick dump offs totaling about 12 yards, and with 1 second left on the clock, Dallas kicker Nick Folk came on for a 53 yard field goal. ...aaaaaaaaaand He nailed it! 49 points! Cowboys and Molly win! Bills and George Lose!

Not so fast.

Bills head coach Dump McCrotch had called a timeout nanoseconds before Folk hit the field goal. Thats right, McCrotch had pulled a Shanahan. Properly rattled and iced, there was no way Folk would hit another 53 yarder in Buffalo with a crazy crowd screaming at him. George would surely wi.... NO! Folk hit that one too!

49 Points!!!
Molly Wins!!!
Molly Wins!!!
Holly poop on a stick, Molly Wins!!!

So, a hearty congrats to Molly on her second win of the season. She wins an official Rudy Guiliani "Vote 9/11!" poster signed by Guiliani himself! Or, as I like to refer to it, toilet paper. Congrats, Molly, and I'll be sending you your "toilet paper" in the mail any day now.

Ahh... if only. No, sadly Molly only wins the WSP.

Folks, through five weeks we've only had two WSP winners, and frankly, I'm getting tired of sending mail to Molly and Dave's houses. Please help: Win the WSP, for pete's sake.

Here are the final standings for Week 5:

1. Molly………12-2
1. George……..12-2
3. Scott………..11-3
3. Bill………….11-3
5. Matthew M…10-4
5. Sandy……….10-4
5. Jon………….10-4
5. Joshu……….10-4
9. Zack…………9-5
9. Tyler………...9-5
9. Joey…………9-5
12. Josh………..8-6
12. Matthew K...8-6
12. Dave……….8-6

And here are the year-to-date standings, as have them. A quick reminder, if you have something different, please email me. Despite my good looks, I'm not infallible (though I occasionally smell that way).

1. Dave……..51-25
2. Bill………49-27
2. George…..49-27
2. Scott…….49-27
5. Jon………47-29
6. Matt K…..46-30
6. Zack……..46-30
6. Molly……46-30
9. Matt M….45-31
9. Joshu……45-31
9. Sandy……45-31
12. Joey……44-32
12. Tyler……44-32
14. Josh…….41-35

Week 6 is fast approaching, and I'll have the schedule up sometime tomorrow. Check back then for more moist football action.

Monday, October 08, 2007

WEEK 5: UPDATE

Howdy do?

Week 5 is just about in the books and we've got ourselves a horse race. There are two people who are still alive for this week's Weekly Standard Prize (WSP).

Now, I've got good news and bad news. Here's the bad news: neither of them are me. But, here's the good news: neither one of them are Dave Labowitz either!

Nope, in fact, Dave and I both had awful weeks, so you can congratulate me for emulating the guy who's in first place in the whole pool during the one week when he couldn't pick his own nose. Yes, yes, thank you very much. You're too kind.

The two people who are still in the running for the Week 5 WSP are Molly and George. Both are 11-2 as of now. Like everyone else in the pool, both picked Dallas over Buffalo tomorrow night, so we'll have to go to Monday Night Points (MNP) to settle this one.

Heres how it broke down. George picked 31 points while Molly picked 48. Because the rules say the winner is the one closest without going over, George will win as long as the point total is 47 or below. If its 48 or above, Molly will win.

Tune in tomorrow to see who won the WSP, and for weekly and year-to-date standings, as well as more making fun of Dave for finishing in last place.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

WEEK 5: SCHEDULE

Hey folks, heres the schedule for Week 5. The first game begins at 1pm EST on Sunday, October 7th, so I'll need your picks before then. Good luck!

Miami at Houston
Jacksonville at Kansas City
Cleveland at New England
Carolina at New Orleans
NY Jets at NY "Demons Out!" Giants
Seattle at Pittsburgh
Arizona at St. Louis
Atlanta at Tennessee
Detroit at Washington
Tampa Bay at Indianapolis
San Diego at Denver
Baltimore at San Francisco
Chicago at Green Bay
Dallas at Buffalo (plus total points)

Monday, October 01, 2007

WEEK 4: RESULTS, PART DEUX

The Patriots thrashing the crap out of the Bengals concludes Week 4. The schedule gave us all a thorough thrashing this week. Favorites went (I think) 0-218. In other words the more you went against what you thought was right, the better you did. As a matter of fact, nobody, save Dave, had a winning record. If anyone had pulled a George Costanza and said, “Ah, hell, I’m going to pick the opposite of everything I think.” Well, you’d have won the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) or at least tied Dave. But you didn’t. As I’ve already discussed in the Part I, Dave did. So congrats, Dave blah blah blah I don’t care.

Here are the standings this week, and I warn you, they’re terrible:
[Updated to reflect bye week: thanks Tyler!]

1. Dave Labowitz…..8-6
2. Bill Denton………7-7
2. George Smith……7-7
4. Jon Stover………6-8
4. Matthew Kory….6-8
4. Josh Money……..6-8
4. Tyler Christofferson…6-8
4. Scott Rozsa……..6-8
9. Joshu Shih……..5-9
9. Joey Bansen…….5-9
9. Matthew Mariam…5-9
9. Zack Klein………5-9
13. Molly Mulder……4-10
14. Sandy Kory……..3-11

I told you they were awful. Here are the year-to-date standings. You'll never guess who's in first place!

1. Dave Labowitz…….43-19
2. Bill Denton………..38-24
2. Scott Rozsa………..38-24
2. Matthew Kory……..38-24
5. George Smith………37-25
5. Jon Stover…………37-25
5. Zack Klein…………37-25
8. Matthew Mariam…..35-27
8. Sandy Kory…………35-27
8. Tyler Christofferson...35-27
8. Joey Bansen………..35-27
8. Joshu Shih………….35-27
13. Molly Mulder……..34-28
14. Josh Money………33-29

Thats all for this week. I'll post the schedule for Week 5 sometime soon. Untill then, have a great week everyone. (After that, your week will suck.)

Ta.