Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Week 11: Results

Its midnight here in Portland (do you know where your cat is?) and I just got back from a night out on the town. Did you know they serve beer in bars here? Its crazy. Possibly needless to say I'm beat. But before I crash, I wanted to get this up on the interwebs for you. Yes, this just one of at least two examples of my selflessness that come to mind. The other involves passing a salt shaker.

That is all by way of saying sorry for the lack of pomp (poop!) and circumstance, but here is how it all went down in Week 11.  You may recall from my wonderfully hilarious update - and seriously, everyone please stop emailing me telling me how funny I am - that if the Monday night game exceeded 41 points (i.e. totaled 42 or more) then Robin and Dave, who both guessed 42 would win. Well, smack my ass and call me "Assey the Ass Smacking Dinosaur*" but in the words of Will Ferrell, that just happened. 

*copyright 2010, Matthew Kory all rights reserved

Denver's loss to San Diego totaled 49 points making Dave and Robin co-wieners.  Co-ngratulations!  See what I did there?  Ha. I kill me.  In keeping with this week's blatant ass theme, you guys both win the two assed mongoose featured in the first season of South Park.  Congratulations.  Dave gets first crack at the ass on the top. Another terrible pun!  I must be stopped!

Here's how Week 11 ended up:

1. Robin Wood ... 13-3
1. Dave Labowitz ... 13-3
1. Alex Mena ... 13-3
1. Sandy Kory ... 13-3
5. Josh Money ... 12-4
5. Bill Denton ... 12-4
5. Jon Stover ... 12-4
5. John Weaver ... 12-4
9. George Smith ... 11-5
9. Zack Klein ... 11-5
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 11-5
9. Matthew Kory ... 11-5
13. Joey Bansen ... 10-6
13. Matthew Mariam ... 10-6
13. Gedeon Mariam ... 10-6

Now comes the part where I show you how bad John Weaver is kicking the crap out of all of us. The moral of the story: if John Weaver tells you to pick the New York "Craptastic" Giants, you pick the New York "Craptastic" Giants. After John, Zack and Sandy are fighting for the sloppy seconds (sounds like Thanksgiving at a porno theatre). Things get increasingly more desperate from there until I get down to the bottom of the list, to my lifelong friend, Gedeon Mariam.  Gedeon wrote the following to me in his weekly picks email:

I can't help but notice I am in last place in total standings. I think you will recall, however, that while I have not accurate predicted the SPECIFIC winner of each game, I have correctly prognosticated that in each game the team with the most points would win. I think, therefore, there should be an asterisk next to my position in the standings. Kind of like by Barry Bonds HR record, but in a good way.

Gedeon's words are true.  He did, in fact, predict that the team with the most points would, in fact, win each game.  In fact.  So, Gedeon, in the spirit of our lifelong friendship, in recognition of your incredible powers of prognostication, and in sympathy because you live in Alabama, I have done as you asked.

Here is the Current Overall Standings (COS):

1. John Weaver ... 104-50
2. Zack Klein ... 100-54
2. Sandy Kory ... 100-54
4. Josh Money ... 98-56
5. Alex Mena ... 97-57
5. Dave Labowitz ... 97-57
7. Jon Stover ... 96-58
8. Joey Bansen ... 95-59
9. George Smith ... 94-60
9. Matthew Mariam ... 94-60
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 94-60
12. Bill Denton ... 93-61
13. Matthew Kory ... 92-62
13. Robin Wood ... 92-62
15. * ... 88-66

The Week 12 schedule will be posted shortly.  Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone.  Unless you're from Canada, in which case, F You. 

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