May I be the first to welcome you to Week 1 of this, the newest of NFL seasons. 2010 is nothing if not doused with promise, and in that way it is much like Matty's Fourth Annual Football Pool(poop!)!
MFAFP(p!)! is finding an extra dollar bill in your wash, its cracking open a fortune cookie to find two fortunes*, its writing out a rent check before realizing that, hey, you already paid this month's already because this is your last month in the apartment and you haven't found a new place so you're probably gonna be homeless in thirty days or at least buried under a pile of your crap on someone else's front lawn and your girlfriend left you for your dog, both of whom stole all your hats before they were run over by your dead dad's huge huge broken pickup truck.
[pause for applesauce]
*Both predicting your demise.
This season will be what we make of it, folks, which means I'll find myself in last place before too long. But that doesn't mean it won't be a long and upsetting ride. Because it will. Its gonna be awesome.
And in the end, when I'm lying down, breathing my last breath (metaphorically speaking), I will find comfort in the certainty that Dave Labowitz can't possibly win the damn pool for the third year in a row... right? RIGHT!??! Just thinking about it causes my bowels to loosen slightly. I fear if Dave is in first place by Week 10 I may experience an accident.
I hope you feel suitably welcomed.
* * *
So here's the rules again, peeps. Below you'll find the weekly schedule. Send your winners and only your winners (cut out the losers, yo) to email@example.com before the start of the week's first game. It must be in my inbox by the start of that first game or else three things will happen:
1) you will be inelligbile for the Weekly Standard Prize
2) you will automatically receive the worst record that anyone receives that week regardless of what your picks were.
3) You will be excommunicated from the Catholic Church (unless you're Catholic, then you'll communicated, which might be worse).
Don't forget to provide the total number of points for the designated Monday Night game. Its the game with "(plus total points)" following it below. Remember, we play Price Is Right! rules here, so in case of a tie (i.e. two or more people end the week in first place with the same record) the winner is the one who got the score closest without going over. If it turns out that two or more weekly winners have chosen the same number of points we'll just split damn the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) already.
The season and Week 1 more specifically begin this Thursday, September 9, 2010 at 8:30pm EST. I gotta have your picks by that time.
Here's the Week 1 schedule, posted for your pleasure:
Minnesota at New Orleans
Miami at Buffalo
Detroit at Chicago
Indianapolis at Houston
Denver at Jacksonville
Cincinnati at New England
Carolina at NY Giants
Atlanta at Pittsburgh
Cleveland at Tampa Bay
Oakland at Tennessee
Green Bay at Philadelphia
San Francisco at Seattle
Arizona at St. Louis
Dallas at Washington
Baltimore at NY Jets
San Diego at Kansas City (plus total points)
I'll post the exact money breakdown here on the blog later in the week, certainly before the the start of game one. If anyone has any questions, as always, feel free to email me.
Don't forget to get your picks in and good luck this year!.