Week 1: Schedule

It's time for Week 1!!!

Of note:
1. You may send in your Thursday pick and the remaining games separately. I need your Thursday pick (NO@BG) by 8:29pm EST, Thursday, September 8th, and all the remaining games by 1:00pm EST on Sunday, September 11th.
2. There are two Monday night games this week. The later of the two will be the tie breaker.

Here is your Week 1 Schedule:

Thursday:
New Orleans at Green Bay (8:30pm EST – first game of year)

Sunday:
Atlanta at Chicago
Indianapolis at Houston
Buffalo at Kansas City
Tennessee at Jacksonville
Cincinnati at Cleveland
Philadelphia at St. Louis
Pittsburgh at Baltimore
Detroit at Tampa Bay
Minnesota at San Diego
New York “Goatbutt” Giants at Washington
Carolina at Arizona
Seattle at San Francisco
Dallas at New York Jets
New England at Miami
Oakland at Denver (plus total points)

Send your picks to mattyspool@gmail.com

Week 1: Results

Week 1 is always one of the hardest weeks.  In a month from now we'll all have a better handle on who has improved since last year and who has fallen off, but now, we're almost flying blind.  If any teams have taken big steps forward, we likely don't know about it yet.  If anyone has fallen off the cliff, we have nothing to judge it against. 

And still we fight on.  Gloriously.  Into the night. 

(poop!)

If any of you bothered to check thishere* blog this morning, you would've likely deduced two things: 1) my wife hates me, and 2) I am not in the running for the money.  Oh yeah, and something about other people winning the WSP.  WHATEVER. 

*I love that word.  It makes me sound like I have my own still out behind the wood pile.

And while I'm stalling here, who thought hiring Matt Millen fresh off of destroying the Detroit Lions franchise from his living room in Pittsburgh (I swear I just typed "Pissburgh"), to analyze games was a good idea? 

Lead Announcer Guy: So, Matt, it looked like the Chargers just came up a few yards short tonight.
Millen: Yup.  To me, Lead Announcer Guy, the Chargers just didn't have enough wide receivers.  A few more of those and I think their night might have turned out differently *Buuuuuuurp*

Anyway, the pool. Right.  Going into tonight, Sandy and Alex were the top dogs at 11 wins, with four peeps hot on their collective tail a game back.  Both Alex and Sandy managed to win one of tonight's two games, thereby maintaining their collective one game lead over the rest of the pool and a two game LODL* and finishing 12-4. 


* That's Lead Over Dave Labowitz, which is really the only kind of lead I'm worried about.

So with two people tied this week would go down to Monday Night Points (MNP)!  Alex went high, picking 52, while Sandy went way low picking 1.  The final score of the last Monday Night Game was 21-14 for a total of 35 points, so Alex went over making Sandy Kory this week's winner!

Congratulations, Sandy!  You'll take home a game worn Official Redskins Sweaty Jock commemorating Sunday's great win over Dallas!  You know its the kind they wear on the field because its still soaked with game-made secretions!

No, sadly, you will take home the Weekly Standard Prize, which this year is $70!  I only ask, when receiving this vast wealth, you remember your older and decidedly stupider brother (one game stupider as it turns out) who badly needs beer.  Good beer.  I'm talking something from Belgium.

Here are the final standings for Week 1: 

1. Sandy Kory ... 12-4
1. Alex Mena ... 12-4
3. Zack Klein ... 11-5
3. Robin Wood ... 11-5
3. Joey Bansen ... 11-5
3. Matthew Kory ... 11-5
7. George Smith ... 10-6
7. Jon Stover ... 10-6
7. John Weaver ... 10-6
7. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
11. Bill Denton ... 9-7
11. Josh Money ... 9-7
11. Karl Vaillancourt ... 9-7
14. Matthew Mariam ... 8-8
14. Gedeon Mariam ... 8-8

Normally I'd also publish the Current Overall Standings (COS) but this being Week 1, they're the same as the above. 

So one final congrats to my brother and a reminder that the Week 2 schedule, which fortunately doesn't begin until next Sunday, will be posted shortly.
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Week 1: (Overly Complicated) Update

Last night after the Redskins improbable last play victory over Dallas, a victory which screwed me in the pool, my wife accused me of "waking up the neighborhood by screeching like a girl."

I'm not sure why I felt it necessary to tell you that.

With two more games on tap to finish off Week 1, we've got a two way tie for first place!  But!  There are four others waiting only a game out to snatch up the first WSP should both of the two front-runners stumble.  Except, not really, as you shall see.

Here's how the standings look as of now.

1. Alex Mena & Sandy Kory ... 11-3
2. Jon Stover, Joey Bansen, Robin Wood & Zack Klein ... 10-4

As luck would have it Alex and Sandy have completely the opposite picks for tonight's two games.  Sandy has the Jets and KC while Alex picked Baltimore and San Diego.  If either of them is correct on both then obviously they'd be this week's winner.  If, however, the games split... well, this is where it gets complicated. Let me tell ya like this:

If tonight's winners are...

NY Jets & KC
- Sandy wins regardless of the score.
 
Baltimore & SD
- Joey, Robin, and Zack all picked these two teams to win, but since Alex picked them as well and he is a game up on them, they can't catch him.  So in this scenario Alex wins regardless of the score. Sorry, peeps, better luck never next week.

Baltimore & KC
- Since nobody who currently has 10 wins picked this exact combination nobody can catch Sandy and Alex who would both have 12 wins.  So, with two people tied at 12 wins, the winner will be determined by Monday Night Points (MNP)!  Alex picked 52 and Sandy picked (dut-da-DAH!) 1.  Remember, we use Price Is Right rules here at MFSAFP(p!)!, so the winner is the one who is the closest to the final score without going over.  So if the final score totals 51 or under, Sandy, who effectively just bet a dollar at the second Showcase Showdown, wins.  If its 52 or over Alex wins. 

NY Jets & SD
- Jon Stover, who currently has 10 wins, picked this exact combination which neither Sandy nor Alex picked.  Since Sandy picked the Jets but not San Diego, and Alex picked San Diego but not the Jets, Jon would make up a game on both of them which would lead to a three-way tie for first between Jon, Sandy, and Alex. So we're talking MNP.  Jon picked 43, so if the final score is between 1 and 42, Sandy would win.  If its between 43 and 51, Jon would win.  If its 52 or greater, Alex would win.

I should get paid for this crap.
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Week 1: Pre-Update

As most of you know, I sometimes post updates to this here blog during the weekend.  Usually I do this on Sunday night before the Monday night match up.  Its fun to know if you're still in the running for the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) and what you need to happen to win it. 

We're not that far down the road in Week 1 but I thought I'd post this pre-update to let you know how you're faring after Thursday's game.

So I've got good news and bad news. The good news is you got the Thursday night game correct.  The bad news is so did everyone else.  Yup, everyone picked the Saints this week.  Surprising, actually, because the Vikings wouldn't have been a bad pick, but nobody fell for it.   Everyone is now 1-0 on the season.  Congrats. 

I suspect things will start to stratify a bit on Sunday.  Here's to that.
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Week 1: Schedule & Pre-Season Garbage (rules, blah blah blah)

May I be the first to welcome you to Week 1 of this, the newest of NFL seasons.   2010 is nothing if not doused with promise, and in that way it is much like Matty's Fourth Annual Football Pool(poop!)!  

MFAFP(p!)! is finding an extra dollar bill in your wash, its cracking open a fortune cookie to find two fortunes*, its writing out a rent check before realizing that, hey, you already paid this month's already because this is your last month in the apartment and you haven't found a new place so you're probably gonna be homeless in thirty days or at least buried under a pile of your crap on someone else's front lawn and your girlfriend left you for your dog, both of whom stole all your hats before they were run over by your dead dad's huge huge broken pickup truck. 

[pause for applesauce]

*Both predicting your demise.

This season will be what we make of it, folks, which means I'll find myself in last place before too long.  But that doesn't mean it won't be a long and upsetting ride.  Because it will.  Its gonna be awesome. 

And in the end, when I'm lying down, breathing my last breath (metaphorically speaking), I will find comfort in the certainty that Dave Labowitz can't possibly win the damn pool for the third year in a row... right?  RIGHT!??!  Just thinking about it causes my bowels to loosen slightly. I fear if Dave is in first place by Week 10 I may experience an accident.

I hope you feel suitably welcomed.

 * * *

So here's the rules again, peeps.  Below you'll find the weekly schedule.  Send your winners and only your winners (cut out the losers, yo) to matthew.kory@gmail.com before the start of the week's first game.  It must be in my inbox by the start of that first game or else three things will happen:

1) you will be inelligbile for the Weekly Standard Prize

2) you will automatically receive the worst record that anyone receives that week regardless of what your picks were.

3) You will be excommunicated from the Catholic Church (unless you're Catholic, then you'll communicated, which might be worse).

Don't forget to provide the total number of points for the designated Monday Night game.  Its the game with "(plus total points)" following it below.  Remember, we play Price Is Right! rules here, so in case of a tie (i.e. two or more people end the week in first place with the same record) the winner is the one who got the score closest without going over.  If it turns out that two or more weekly winners have chosen the same number of points we'll just split damn the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) already. 

The season and Week 1 more specifically begin this Thursday, September 9, 2010 at 8:30pm EST.  I gotta have your picks by that time.  

Here's the Week 1 schedule, posted for your pleasure:

Minnesota at New Orleans

Miami at Buffalo

Detroit at Chicago

Indianapolis at Houston

Denver at Jacksonville

Cincinnati at New England

Carolina at NY Giants

Atlanta at Pittsburgh

Cleveland at Tampa Bay

Oakland at Tennessee

Green Bay at Philadelphia

San Francisco at Seattle

Arizona at St. Louis

Dallas at Washington

Baltimore at NY Jets

San Diego at Kansas City (plus total points)

I'll post the exact money breakdown here on the blog later in the week, certainly before the the start of game one.  If anyone has any questions, as always, feel free to email me.  

Don't forget to get your picks in and good luck this year!

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Week 1: Results

After a small snafu in my update last night, which was so kindly corrected by my brother, I am able to bring you the actual and correct winner of the Week 1 Weekly Standard Prize (WSP).

As you may recall, since everyone had picked both Monday Night games the same (good show, people) this one came down to Monday Night Points. And since there were five of you assrammers at the top this week, it got kinda interesting. Here is the corrected version of the breakdown of the MNP for the Oakland/SD game.

If the San Diego/Oakland game totaled:

*Between 0-33 points, George Smith will win.

*Between 34-36 points, Zack Klein will win.

*37 or 38 points and Dave Labowitz will win.

*Between 39 and 47 points and Joey Bansen will win.

*And, anything 48 points or higher and Josh Money will win.

As you may be aware, the score of the Chargers/Raiders game was 24-20, meaning 44 points were scored, so Joey Bansen is the first weekly winner of MTAFP(p!)!'s WSP! Congratulations, Joey.

For winning the WSP, you'll receive either a steeltoed boot to the testicles, or a check in the amount of $70! Your choice! Shoot me an email if you prefer the former cause I'll have to get in touch with some people I know in Arizona who should be able to take care of you, no prob. As for the rest of you assclowns (of which I myself am most certainly included for I do live in Assclownia, PA), better luck next week.

So, without further ado, (POOP!) here are the standings after this fabulous week of deliciously moist football action:

1. Joey Bansen...13-3 (Winner of WSP by MNP!)
1. Dave Labowitz...13-3
1. George Smith...13-3
1. Zack Klein...13-3
1. Josh Money...13-3
6. Jon Stover...12-4 (MORON!)
6. Adam Roy...12-4
6. Matthew Mariam...12-4
6. Karl Vaillancourt...12-4
6. Gedeon Mariam...12-4
6. Dan Sinclair...12-4
12. John Weaver...11-5
12. Sandy Kory...11-5
12. Alex Mena...11-5
12. Bill Denton...11-5
10,000,000,000. Matt "Holy Shit I Suck" Kory...10-6

As the week's go along I'll be publishing both the weekly standings as well as the cumulative standings each week, but since this is Week 1 they're the same. Duh. Also, if you think I've calculated your record incorrectly, then I probably have. Please email me, let me know and we'll figure it out if you're able to talk me through simple addition and subtraction.

The schedule for Week 2 will be up shortly. Week 2 begins Sunday at 1pm EST, so I'll need all of your picks by then in my in-box if you are to be eligible for the WSP.

Have a great week, peeps.
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Week 1: Update

[edited for actual correctness; 6:33pm EST]

Week 1 is almost in the books and several important things I suspected have been confirmed:

1) I have no idea how to pick football games. None. Zero. Zilch. Nothing to see here, please disperse.

2) The Redskins still suck. $100 million just doesn't buy what it used to, ya know?

In other less Matt-centric news, MTAFP(p!)! features a five way tie atop the Week 1 standings. That's right, a five-way! Huh huh huh... Yeah.

Since everyone selected both New England and San Diego to win tonight, the standings won't change, which means it comes down to...[drum roll]... Monday Night Points!

Remember, gang, when dealing with Monday Night Points, the winner is the one who comes closest without going over. Price Is Right rules, eh? (If everyone goes over then the winner is the one who is the closest overall.) Beauty.

Here's how it'll break down tonight. If the San Diego/Oakland game totals:

*Between 0-33 points, George Smith will win this week.

*Between 34-36 points, Zack Klein will win this week.

*37 or 38 points and Dave Labowitz will win.

*Between 39 and 47 points and Joey Bansen will win.

*And, anything 48 points or higher and Josh Money, who selected 48, will win.

I'll be back tomorrow with the final week one standings. Until then, best of luck to all you sucks.
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