Week 3: Results

Holy poop on a stick, peeps, it's Tuesday morning and here I am in my apartment having sworn off coffee for a week to my wife. [front door closes....five minutes pass] Now that I've got my coffee, I'm ready to talk some football, dammit!

Quite the eventful week here at MTAFP(p!)!HQ. I managed to cash in a few favors for the wife and head down to the New Wave in South Philly to watch the Redskins game. Actually watched the debacle unfold next to five other Skins fans...*sigh*... But hey, at least the Redskins next opponent is Tampa, who isn't any better than Detroit (or Washington for that matter). Should be interesting to see who everyone picks in that game. Kinda reminds me of the South Park episode where the school has to pick a new mascot and the choices are Turd Sandwich or Giant Douche.

But you all didn't come here to read about my sad sad sad sad life. No, it's pool(poop) time, baby.

To the Pool(poop!)! Poop!

As you may remember from yesterday's update, we had a three horse race between Dan Sinclair, Gedeon Mariam, and Adam Roy. This was the breakdown of MNP:

If the score is...
... 34 or less, everyone will be over, but Gedeon will be the closest, so he'll win.
... between 35 and 44, Gedeon will win.
... between 45 and 53, Adam will win.
... 54 or over, Dan will win.

The final score of the Dallas/Carolina game was Dallas 21, Carolina 7. As 28 is less than 35, everyone went over, which means the one with the closest prediction wins, and as that happens to be Gedeon! Again! Shit!

So, congratulations, Gedeon, on your second win in three f'n weeks! You bastard! This week's prize is a live baby, delivered directly to your house via FedEx (please allow 2-3 weeks for delivery)! Enjoy your baby, Gedeon, and if anyone asks where you got it, you tell 'em you won it in Matty's Third Annual Football Pool (poop!)! Though I wouldn't put that on your taxes...

No, sadly, Gedeon wins the Weekly Standard Prize! of $70. It should be just enough to convert into small bills and smack his brother in the face with for picking Cleveland over Denver last week.

Here are the final standings for Week 3:

1. Gedeon Mariam...12-4

1. Adam Roy...12-4

1. Dan Sinclair...12-4

4. Josh Money...11-5

4. Bill Denton...11-5

4. Joey Bansen...11-5

4. Sandy Kory...11-5

4. Dave Labowitz...11-5

4. Karl Vaillancourt...11-5

4. John Weaver...11-5

4. George Smith...11-5

12. Zack Klein...10-6

12. Jon Stover...10-6

14. ME Goddammit!...9-7

14. Matthew Mariam...9-7

16. Alex Mena...8-8

And here are the Current Overall Standings (COS):

1. Gedeon Mariam...36-12

2. George Smith...33-15

3. Dan Sinclair...32-16

3. John Weaver...32-16

3. Adam Roy...32-16

3. Bill Denton...32-16

3. Joey Bansen...32-16

3. Jon Stover...32-16

9. Zack Klein...31-17

9. Karl Vaillancourt...31-17

9. Dave Labowitz...31-17

9. Alex Mena...31-17

13. Sandy Kory...30-18

13. Matthew Mariam...30-18

13. Josh Money...30-18

16. At Least You Know I'm Not Cheating...28-20

You may notice two things besides the fact that you aren't winning (unless you are in the process of changing your name to Gedeon). Gedeon is kicking the shit out of all of us. A three game lead over the whole pack after three weeks? I'm not sure I've ever seen that before in the pool(poop!). Also, you'll see that I'm bringing up the rear two games behind everyone, and a full eight games behind Gedeon. Oh. My. God. I suck. My football team sucks. My fantasy football teams suck. I suck.

And with that, I leave you, good pool(poop!) participant to another fabulous week of life to enjoy. Just remember, don't lift your head too high above the cubicle wall, lest a large hand with a padded mallet descend from the ceiling and smack yo' ass back down.

Week 4 schedule to come shortly...