Week 8: Schedule

Here's the schedule for Week 8, which begins on Sunday, November 1st at 1pm EST. I'll need all of your picks by then.

Seattle at Dallas
St. Louis at Detroit
Miami at New York Jets
San Francisco at Indianapolis
Cleveland at Chicago
Denver at Baltimore
New York "Lactose Intolerant" Giants at Philadelphia
Houston at Buffalo
Jacksonville at Tennessee
Oakland at San Diego
Minnesota at Green Bay
Carolina at Arizona
Atlanta at New Orleans (plus total points)
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Week 7: Results

Last night I was privileged to spend my evening imbibing with three friends, two of whom, George Smith and Jon Stover, are in the Pool(poop!), and the third, Joshu Shih, who usually is, but elected to spend his time wisely instead.

After several beers, George imparted a story about working with a well known Ben Franklin impersonator here in Philadelphia who refuses to break character unless he's leaving swear-filled rants demanding money for pro bono work on George's answering machine. Its a wonderful story and if you ever see George in a bar by himself (not an unlikely event) in your neck of the woods, pull up a stool, buy the man a beer, and put in a request. It'll be money well spent, I can promise you that. In the meantime, know that if you ever come to Philadelphia and you see a man dressed as Ben Franklin wondering around smiling at people and tugging on his bifocals, do not, under any circumstances, call the man "Ralph" unless you want to tell your friends back at home where ever you live that you got your ass kicked by Ben Franklin.

So what does that have to do with the pool(poop!)? Nothing! I just love that I can force you to read whatever I want. Which reminds me, have I ever told you about Lyndon LaRouche? You really should know about how the government taints the cheese supply with [***edited by blogger********************************************************************************************************]
You'd never think goats could hide huge bags of cocaine there, but apparently they can. Anyway, a little bit off track there, sorry.

TO THE POOL(poop!)!

If you read the updates I post every Monday (GEORGE!) you might recall yesterday I stated in plain English that Bill would win this week's WSP. Well, it has so come to pass! And it's the only damn thing I've predicted correctly this week...

Bil and Joey are the leaders this week with 11 wins, so it comes down to both of them. But because Joey did a triathlon before sending in his picks this week (seriously), he was a bit out of it and forgot to include his Monday Night Points. He did remember to send them in eventually, but sadly for him, it was too late. Sorry, Joey. Congrats on the triathlon, though. Although even if the points hadn't been late Joey would have been over anyway. All of this means...

...BILL DENTON IS THIS WEEK'S WEINER!!!!WINNER!!!!

Bill wins an official Snakes On A Plane coloring book featuring many black and white images of Samuel L. Jackson swearing at large reptiles! Perfect for the little ones!

No, sadly, Bill wins the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of $70, which he'll surely spend on Bud. Bill, buy some decent beer, eh?

Here are the final standings for Week 7:

1. Bill Denton ... 11-2
1. Joey Bansen ... 11-2
3. Alex Mena ... 10-3
3. Sandy Kory ... 10-3
3. Jon Stover ... 10-3
3. Dave Labowitz ... 10-3
3. Josh Money ... 10-3
3. John Weaver ... 10-3
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 10-3
3. Dan Sinclair ... 10-3
3. George Smith ... 10-3
3. Zack Klein ... 10-3
13. Gedeon Mariam ... 9-4
13. Matthew Mariam ... 9-4
13. Adam Roy ... 9-4
13. Matthew Kory ... 9-4

All of which leaves the Current Overall Standings (COS) looking thusly:

1. Gedeon Mariam ... 74-29
1. Joey Bansen ... 74-29
1. Bill Denton ... 74-29
4. John Weaver ... 73-30
5. Jon Stover ... 71-32
5. Dan Sinclair ... 71-32
5. Dave Labowitz ... 71-32
8. Adam Roy ... 69 (huh huh huh)-34
8. George Smith ... 69-34
8. Josh Money ... 69-34
11. Karl Vaillancourt ... 68-35
12. Alex Mena ... 66-37
13. Zack Klein ... 64-39
13. Sandy Kory ... 64-39
13. Matthew Mariam ... 64-39
16. Matthew Kory ... 60-43

When you finish last every week it stands to reason you'd be last over all.

Lastly, I had a request last night to include a statistical breakdown of the winners so far. I don't have time to do it now, but I'll try to put it up before the week is out, so check back and hopefully I'll get to it.

The schedule for Week 8 will be up shortly. Have a great week, folks.
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Week 7: Update: Don't Worry, I Still Suck

Last night I spoke with pool(poop!) participant Bill Denton on the phone. We had a nice gentlemanly conversation wherein he accused me of having sex with furniture and I countered by claiming that it was consensual. (It wasn't! Shhhh!)

Of course we also discussed the pool(poop!)! and the fact that Bill is one of the people who is in the running for the WSP this week. I claimed that he was a shoe-in to win this week for reasons I'll get to. Bill claimed that even if it seemed so, his typically abominable luck would do him in. Ever known someone who could get hit with a piano while standing in the middle of a cornfield? Bill's your man. Will Bill's luck hold out, or will the WSP slip through his chicken-stained (?) fingers yet again? Tune in right now to find out!!

To the update!

There was consensus on many games this week. Everyone picked the Charges, Patriots, Colts, and Jets to win. Only one person picked against the Saints, Texans, and Packers. So there's a lot of parity this week.

Heck, even yours truly is 8-4, which gives you the lower bounds of performance this week. The upper bound is ten wins, which four people have. We'll get to the weekly standings tomorrow, but for now things look like this:

10 Wins: Bill Denton, Joey Bansen, Alex Mena, and Sandy Kory

Picked Philly to win tonight: Bill & Joey

Picked Washington to win tonight and should see a doctor immediately: Sandy & Alex

If Philly wins tonight, Bill wins the pool because Joey did not send in his Monday Night Points on time. Sorry Joey. I wish I could accept the points, but it just ain't fair to the other kids.

If Washington wins tonight, well, I'll shit a brick. Then I'll put on my "Brad Johnson" jersey, the one with the duct tape over "Johnson" on the back, and run around my neighborhood until I'm beaten within inches of my life, or for a minute, which ever happens first. But if a whole in the earth swallows the Eagles and the Redskins win, then the total point breakdown looks thusly:

Sandy: 30 points

Alex: 31 points

So, if DC wins tonight and if the total score is 0-30, Sandy will win the WSP. If DC wins and the total score is 31 or above, Alex will win.

But neither of you peeps has a chance cause there isn't a chance in hell that the Redskins... HEY!! WATCH OUT!!! PIANO!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!

Back tomorrow with the final standings for the week, the Current Overall Standings (COS) and a bunch of other garbage you'll probably just skip over.

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Schedule: Week 7

Here is the schedule for Week 7. It begins at 1pm EST on Sunday, October 25th, so I'll need all of your picks by then.

Indianapolis at St. Louis
New England at Tampa Bay
Green Bay at Cleveland
Minnesota at Pittsburgh
San Francisco at Houston
San Diego at Kansas City
Buffalo at Carolina
New York Jets at Oakland
Atlanta at Dallas
New Orleans at Miami
Chicago at Cincinnati
Arizona at New York "PB&J" Giants
Philadelphia at Washington (plus total points)

Week 6: Results

Wow I suck.

And how bout them Phillies last night?

So, the pool(poop!), huh? Yeah, I'm mired in last place. I can't pick a game to save my life. I could guarantee a win and probably I'd be killed. Oh, you don't care? Only want to hear about yourself?

Fine.

So, you may recall from my Update yesterday that if Denver won, a virtual certainty considering I picked San Diego, the WSP would come down to MNP (shocker) which went something like this:

If the total score is 37 or below, Dave Labowitz wins
Bill Denton has no chance in hell
If the total score is 41 or over, Joey Bansen wins

Denver won (duh) and the total score added up to 57 points, which is larger than a breadbox and more than 41, so Joey Bansen is this week's winner!

This week's prize is an all expenses paid trip to Joey Bansen's apartment! Stay in Joey's bed, eat Joey's food, drink all of Joey's beer and puke in Joey's toilet! Inappropriately touch Joey's dog Mr. Bojangles, and wake in the night to mistakenly urinate in Joey's closet! Oh the fun you'll have. (Offer not valid if you already live there.)

Alright, fine, that's not the prize. Its the normal everyday run-of-the-mill, seen one ya seen 'em all WSP. Enjoy, and congrats.

Joey now ties Gedeon Mariam for the lead in total money with $140.

A couple interesting points about Week 6:

• The Call of The Week goes to Adam for picking (possibly mistakenly) Oakland to beat Philly
  
• The only game that everyone missed was Buffalo beating the Jets.
  

Here's the final standings for Week 6:

1. Joey "First Place" Bansen ... 10-4
1. Bill "No Chance In Hell" Denton ... 10-4
1. Dave "Hymietown" Labowitz ... 10-4
4. John "Hold On To Your Red Snapper" Weaver ... 9-5
4. Dan Sinclair ... 9-5
4. Sandy "Sent In His Picks!!! [balloons fall from ceiling]" Kory .. 9-5
7. George "Drink'n Me Under The Table" Smith ... 8-6
7. Gedeon "Fall'n Like A Rock Off A Cliff" Mariam ... 8-6
7. Jon "And Associates" Stover ... 8-6
7. Josh Money ... 8-6
11. Karl "King Of Wilmington" Vaillancourt ... 7-7
11. Adam "Too... Much... Coffee... Must... Find... Toilet... Soon..." Roy ... 7-7
11. Matthew "Flipped A Coin" Mariam ... 7-7
14. Zack "Kindly Keep'n Me Company" Klein
14. Alex "Should Make A Film Out Of This" Mena
14. Matthew "What? No prize for last place?" Kory

And the Current Overall Standings (COS) without semi-clever nicknames:

1. Gedeon Mariam ... 65-25
2. Joey Bansen ... 63-27
2. John Weaver ... 63-27
2. Bill Denton ... 63-27
5. Jon Stover ... 61-29
5. Dave Labowitz ... 61-29
5. Dan Sinclair ... 61-29
8. Adam Roy ... 60-30
9. Josh Money ... 59-31
9. George Smith ... 59-31
11. Karl Vaillancourt ... 58-32
12. Alex Mena ... 56-34
13. Matthew Mariam ... 55-35
14. Zack Klein ... 54-36
14. Sandy Kory ... 54-36
16. Me ... *sigh* ... 51-39

So, congratulations again to Joey, and hope everyone has an enjoyable week. FU!

Week 7's schedule to come.

Week 6: Update

Happy f'n Monday to ya. This week I hope we all learned a valuable lesson: never ever ever ever ever pick the Washington Redskins to win a football game. Never never never ever. This is your brain, this is your brain after picking the Washington Redskins to win a football game. Any questions?

To the pool(poop!)!

Because Alex Mena and I both totally blow, we decided to team up this week. That's right folks, we've got you out numbered. Between my six wins and his five, we've got 11 which is four more than anyone else has. Yay! We win! We kicked y'all's arse!

... Wait... I'm hearing I can't do that. Damn! I don't remember making up that rule... well poop.

You'll find that this week's update is entirely different and far more confusing than last week when we were all taken out to the woodshed by John Weaver. That is proverbially speaking of course, as John is a good and decent citizen of this country who would never, ever take anything out to the woodshed. Except wood. And that guy who said that thing in high school. And that hot chick. But that was purely consensual. His lawyers swear.

This week we've got three people with nine wins so far. But, those peeps, Bill Denton, Joey Bansen, and Dave "Dollars" Labowitz, all picked Denver to win tonight. If Denver wins, it'll come down to those three peeps, but if not, Gedeon Mariam, George Smith, and Josh Money will all be there to pick up the slack. All of them have eight wins and picked San Diego to win tonight. (Full disclosure: I also picked San Diego to win so San Diego has no chance to win.)

So here's the duel break down. Prepare yourself for some serious breaking down... well that didn't come out right. Moving on.

If Denver wins, the point break down is as follows:

Dave - 35 - wins if total score is 37 or below
Bill - 38 - wins if total score is exactly 38, 39, or 40 (you're f'd Bill)
Joey - 41 - wins if total score is 41 or over

Remember folks, you can still win the pool if you lose the Monday Night game. So, if San Diego wins (won't happen) we've got six people in the running. Here's the point break down:

Dave - 35 - wins if total is between 0 and 37
Bill - 38 - never wins no matter what. if points total 38, 39, or 40, splits WSP with Josh.
Josh - 38 - see "Bill"
Joey - 41 - never wins no matter what. if points are between 41 and 55, splits WSP with George.
George - 41 - see "Joey"
Gedeon - 56 - if points total 56 or more, wins again, buys expensive house in the Hamptons, employs half the state as butlers.

You people are some seriously uncreative point pickers.* I tried to come up with a second tie-breaker, but nooooooooooooooooooooo idontwantitidontwantitnonononononononitsnotfairitsnotfairjonstovereatspoopjonstovereatspoopwaaaahhhhh!!!!

Good luck, happy Monday, and I'll be back tomorrow with the Week 6 results and the schedule for Week 7.
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*I, also, picked 41.

Week 6: Schedule

Week 6 begins this Sunday, at 1pm EST so, of course, I'll need your picks by then. Here's the schedule:

Houston at Cincinnati
Detroit at Green Bay
St. Louis at Jacksonville
Baltimore at Minnesota
NY "Metrosexual" Giants at New Orleans
Cleveland at Pittsburgh
Carolina at Tampa Bay
Kansas City at Washington
Philadelphia at Oakland
Arizona at Seattle
Tennessee at New England
Buffalo at NY Jets
Chicago at Atlanta
Denver at San Diego (total points)
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