Week 8: Results

Let this week serve as a lesson to you, peeps. When it rains it pours, then it sleets, which is often followed by snow, locusts, the black plague, pestilence, and another golf-themed movie staring Kevin Costner, which is kinda the same thing. This was not the best weekend of football if you like the Washington Redskins, run my three fantasy teams, and are me in this football pool(poop!).  I'd like to say it can't get worse, but considering my record on those three fronts in the past, I'd be stupid to tempt fate like that.

F you, fate! F you right in the goatass!

As for the Pool(poop!), we had a week with a number of obvious favorites in this week's games. Fortunately for most of us, those favorites didn't disappoint. Everyone in the Pool(poop!) picked the Giants, Tennessee, San Francisco and Houston. Everyone tried to pick Baltimore as well, but only 16 of us pulled it off successfully. So listen here, when you're cutting and pasting the schedule, be sure that you delete the team's name that you don't want. Let that be a lesson to you, idiot who runs the Pool (poop!).

As for Week 8, it came down to the unstoppable John "not remotely stoppable" Weaver and the irrepressible Matthew "please stop pressing me" Mariam. No silly Monday Night Points (MNP) or nothing like that. This was an old fashioned man on man contest that pitted two heavyweights together. That said, Weaver had no chance because his chance relied solely on the Kansas City Chiefs beating a very talented Chargers team. If the Chargers won the game, like 88% of Pool(poop!) participants (P(p!)P) expected, Matthew Mariam would be crowned Big Wiener of Week 8. Sadly Matthew and the rest of the 88% forgot a fundamental truism: Never put your money on Norv Turner.

And so it came to pass that the Chargers lost, thus anointing John Weaver the Big Wiener for Week 8! Congratulations, John! You win an autographed picture of Norv Turner being fired. (Norv will sign anything. And we mean anything. Like penises anything.) We'll get it to you after this season, or maybe slightly before.

No, of course you don't win that, though what a kick that'd be, huh? No, you win the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP)! Try not to spend it all on hair cream. Unless, you know, you're running low or something.

Here are your final standings for Week 8:

1. John Weaver ... 11-2
2. Dave Labowitz ... 10-3
2. Matthew Mariam ... 10-3
4. Ryan Schultz ... 9-4
4. Bill Denton ... 9-4
4. Christine Roberts ... 9-4
4. Joey Bansen ... 9-4
4. Josh Money ... 9-4
9. Robin Wood ... 8-5
9. Jon Stover ... 8-5
9. Zack Klein ... 8-5
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 8-5
9. Adam Roy ... 8-5
9. Gedeon Mariam ... 8-5
15. Sandy Kory ... 7-6
15. George Smith ... 7-6
15. Matthew Kory ... 7-6
18. Paddy Althoff ... 6-7

As for the Current Overall Standings, well I'm late with this post already so I'll keep the commentary to a minimum. Weaver's Weav-tastic Week (WWW) has vaulted him even further ahead of the pack. I on the other hand am the caboose on this fudge train.

That's gross. COS:

1. John Weaver ... 85
2. Dave Labowitz ... 81
2. Karl Vaillancourt ... 81
4. Joey Bansen ... 80
5. Matthew Mariam ... 79
6. Josh Money ... 77
7. Robin Wood ... 75
7. Zack Klein ... 75
7. Ryan Schultz ... 75
10. George Smith ... 73
10. Christine Roberts ... 73
12. Paddy Althoff ... 72
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 72
14. Jon Stover ... 71
15. Adam Roy ... 70
15. Sandy Kory ... 70
15. Bill Denton ... 70
18. Matthew Kory ... 67

The schedule for Week 9 should be up shortly. Enjoy your week everyone.