Week 17: Results (Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow)

It's just bad form to end the pool(poop!) like this, what with being late and all, but what can you do. Live intrudes on our fun from time to time. In any case, here we go:

But before we start, tell me, is this book title funny:
Funny Stories I Overheard While Vomiting by Kate Moss.

Hot damn I'm a genius.

So. Week 17.

Outside of Week 1, Week 17 is always one of the hardest weeks to crack. We all have a decent idea of who the good teams are (well, most of us do), but who the hell knows who is going to be on the field? In what other week since about Week 3 could you pick the Colts and not be immediately whisked away to the infirmary? Picking Carolina on the road at New Orleans would be grounds for dismissal from your job were it any other week. But, because it was Week 17, neither of those picks raised an eyebrow.

As such, the picks were all over the map. Some people just nailed the shit out of the week, while others had the shit nailed to them. Remember though, when looking over this, the Current Overall Standings (about to become the Current Final Standings) were close. John Weaver held a three game lead over Dave Labowitz for first overall, Dave was only up a single game on Karl Vaillancourt for 2nd Overall, and Karl was up a game on Josh Money, four on Joey Bansen, and five on Robin Wood.

Here's how Week 17 shook out:


1. Jon Stover ... 15-1
2. Ryan Schultz ... 14-2
2. Joey Bansen ... 14-2
4. Dave Labowitz ... 11-5
4. Josh Money ... 11-5
4. Christine Roberts ... 11-5
7. Sandy Kory ... 10-6
7. Adam Roy ... 10-6
7. Gedeon Mariam ...  10-6
7. Robin Wood ... 10-6
7. John Weaver ... 10-6
12. Matthew Mariam ... 9-7
12. Matthew Kory ... 9-7
12. Bill Denton ... 9-7
15. Karl Vaillancourt ... 7-9
16. Zack Klein ... 6-10
17. George Smith ... 5-11
17. Paddy Althoff ... 5-11

I should note at this point that Jon Stover called me on the phone to let me know he'd won the week on Sunday night because, as he said, he hadn't missed a game. No, ya yabo, you picked Detroit over Green Bay. Fortunately for Jon, he actually did get every single OTHER game right which was enough to edge out Ryan Schultz and Joey Bansen by a game for the final Weekly Standard Prize (WSP). Still, I should take Jon's WSP away from him for being a moron, but I won't. Not because I'm some benevolent dictator, but because he promised me $40 if I left him keep it. But, don't feel gypped everyone else, because I'm spend that $40 on a giant dildo and a rocket launcher for the next time I see Jon. Smooches!

Now, the moment you've been waiting for, as my cat sits on my wrists making it virtually impossible to type anything. Christ, furbag! So, here are the Final Overall Standings (FOS) for this, Matty's Fifth Semi-Annual Football Pool(poop!)!

1. John Weaver ... 175
2. Dave Labowitz ... 173
3. Joey Bansen ... 171
3. Josh Money ... 171
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 168
6. Robin Wood ... 166
7. Matthew Kory ... 165
8. Christine Roberts ... 164
9. Zack Klein ... 160
10. Bill Denton ... 159
11. Matthew Mariam ... 158
12. Jon Stover ... 156
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 156
14. Sandy Kory ... 155
15. Ryan Schultz ... 154
16. George Smith ... 151
17. Paddy Althoff ... 140
17. Adam Roy ... 140

First, a most hearty congratulations to John Weaver, this year's Big Wiener! John has held on to first overall since taking it over from Karl Vaillancourt in Week 7. That's right, John has led us for eleven weeks straight which I'll just assume is some kind of record because I'm not going to look up. Congratulations, John!

Second overall goes to Dave Labowitz, who has been hot on John's heals for weeks now without ever quite breaking through. Still, second overall in an 18 person pool is nothing to sneeze at. Congratulations, Dave!

Third Overall goes to... well, actually we have ourselves a tie! Josh Money jumped ahead of Karl Vaillancourt but Joey Bansen came out of nowhere, making up five games on Karl and three on Josh to get into the tie. Congratulations to Josh and Joey!

So, I know you aren't doing this pool out of the goodness of your heart. Well, maybe a little bit, but still. Money. Right.

If you consult the money breakdown post from last September you'll see how the money is to be broken down. However, that is now incorrect. That breakdown was calculated for a 17 person Pool(poop!), but we had an 18th member join us at the last moment. That means we've got another $125 to add. The official treasurer and I had a discussion about it a while back and to be honest I have no idea what we decided. So, I'm making an executive decision. Here's how the money will be broken down.

1st Overall: $500 (John Weaver)
2nd Overall: $250 (Dave Labowitz)
3rd Overall: $140 (Joey Bansen and Josh Money)

Because there was a tie for Third Overall, that prize will be split two ways. 

Here, as I do each year, is the cumulative sum total (how's that for English?) of where everyone's $125 went. In other words, this is all the winnings added up and put into standings.

1. John Weaver: $740
2. Dave Labowitz: $330
3. Josh Money: $230
4. Karl Vaillancourt: $160
4. George Smith: $160
4. Sandy Kory: $160
7. Joey Bansen: $150
8. Jon Stover: $80
8. Matthew Kory: $80
8. Christine Roberts: $80
8. Bill Denton: $80

John Weaver cleaned the hell up this year, winning First Overall and three WSPs. That may just be the most anyone has ever won in a single year, and I may even go back and check that. Dave didn't do too badly either, with Second Overall and one WSP. Josh won two WSPs and tied for Third Overall. Karl, George, and Sandy each won two WSPs, while Joey tied for Third Overall and won one WSP. Jon, Christine, Bill, and yours truly won a single WSP.

(That adds up to our total of $2,250 (I just checked).) 

On a personal note, thank you to everyone in the Pool(poop!) for your comments, your suggestions and for just generally helping to make the NFL season just a bit more interesting and fun. I hope you've enjoyed the pool this year and I hope each of you will join us again next year. I'll be emailing you.

If, by the way, you have any suggestions or comments about the pool this year or how it could be better next year, please, don't hesitate to email me.

Thanks, and have a happy and healthy 2012.

-Matty

Coming Soon...

Sorry folks, parks closed it's been a crazy night here at the Kory household. I'll have the results for you all up sometime today (Monday). Promise.

In the meantime, Happy New Year.

Week 17: Schedule

All games are on Sunday so we're using the Sunday night game as the tie breaker this week.  So *SOB*  here it is, the final schedule, your Week 17 inventory:

New York Jets at Miami
San Francisco at St. Louis
Carolina at New Orleans
Tennessee at Houston
Washington at Philadelphia
Detroit at Green Bay
Chicago at Minnesota
Indianapolis at Jacksonville
Buffalo at New England
Seattle at Arizona
San Diego at Oakland
Kansas City at Denver
Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Baltimore at Cincinnati
Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Dallas at New York Giants (plus total points)

Week 16: Results

/dignity 

No beating around the bush here. No tiddly winks and slappy cakes this weeks. I fucking win!

I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!

Ha HA!

As you surely recall from the update, Ryan and I were the lone wolves this week. Ryan went out on a limb and picked Atlanta to beat New Orleans on Monday Night. He was the only one in the pool(poop!) to do it. But, as everyone in the pool(poop!) but Ryan knew, Drew Brees is a professional ass kicking machine. The Falcons got in line, made it to the front, Brees kicked their asses and they headed back home.

I'm the big wiener Week 16! I win the WSP!

Gimme gimme gimme!

In any case, that means I win my first WSP this week. Congratulations to me.

OK, enough of that garbage. Here's how Week 16 came out:

1. Matthew Kory ... 13-3
2. Ryan Schultz ... 12-4
2. Joey Bansen ... 12-4
2. Sandy Kory ... 12-4
5. Bill Denton ... 11-5
5. Jon Stover ... 11-5
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 11-5
5. John Weaver ... 11-5
5. Robin Wood ... 11-5
5. Gedeon Mariam ... 11-5
11. Josh Money ... 10-6
11. Christine Roberts ... 10-6
11. Matthew Mariam ... 10-6
11. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
11. Zack Klein ... 10-6
16. George Smith ... 9-7
17. Adam Roy ... 8-8
17. Paddy Althoff ... 8-8

You'll notice that Dave Labowitz's 10 wins were less than John Weaver's 11. Thus John's lead on the pool as a whole increased by a game. Karl Vaillancourt also picked up a game on Dave and on Josh Money, vaulting himself free and clear into third place. Josh Money is only a game out of the money though so he can still finish as high as second if he puts his mind to it. Hell, he could finish first, it's just not bloody likely.

Beyond that, we're all fighting for table scraps, sadly. Joey Bansen is four games out of the money and would have to jump over Josh Money to get there. Not impossible, but a tall order with only a week to go. Robin Wood and I are (sorry to say, Robin) pretty well cooked. We're both five games out of the money with two people to jump over. Beyond that, well, it just ain't happening. Sorry folks.

Here's the Current Overall Standings through 16 weeks:

1. John Weaver ... 165
2. Dave Labowitz ... 162
3. Karl Vaillancourt ...  161
4. Josh Money ... 160
5. Joey Bansen ... 157
6. Robin Wood ...156
6. Matthew Kory ... 156
8. Zack Klein ... 154
9. Christine Roberts ... 153
10. Bill Denton ... 150
11. Matthew Mariam ... 149
12. Ryan Schultz ... 148
13. Gedeon Mariam ... 146
13. George Smith ... 146
15. Paddy Althoff ... 145
15. Sandy Kory ... 145
17. Adam Roy ... 143
18. Jon Stover ... 141

I'll post something before the start of week 17 on the pool as a whole and a reminder of the money situation.

Happy Holidays.

Week 16: Update

Yes, this is how dedicated (read: stupid) I am. I'm posting an update on Christmas day. Jesus will be pee-owed!

I'm writing this well before tonight's (Sunday's) Packers/Bears game because, well, we all know who will win that. And even if we don't, we all think we do (we all picked Green Bay), so for the purposes of the Pool(poop!)! it doesn't matter.

Week 16 has just two people still in the running for the Weekly Standard Prize. Ryan Schultz and (you're not going to believe this but...) ME! That's right! The idiot who runs this stupid waste of time might actually maybe sortof win something!

Holy crap on a crutch!

(Don't hold your breath.)

Ryan and I both have 12 wins and at least a game up on everyone else (again, assuming GB wins; if Chicago wins then we both have 11 wins and the same game up).

With the Monday Night match up of Atlanta (9-5) at New Orleans (11-3), you'd think this would come down to Monday Night Points (MNP). You'd be wrong. Everyone in the entire Pool(poop!)! picked New Orleans to beat Atlanta except one person: Ryan Schultz.

So MNPs be damned! This one's going down old style. If Atlanta beats New Orleans, Ryan is the Big Wiener for Week 16. If New Orleans wins, I'm your BW.

Back tomorrow or Tuesday with the results and the schedule for Week 17 which, by the way, is entirely devoid of Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Monday games. All the games are on Sunday, January 1st.

YIP-F'n-EEE!!!

Happy Holidays, Pool(poop!) Peeps.

Week 16: Schedule

This is easily the strangest schedule of the year. Almost all the games are on Saturday because of Christmas. Only one game is on Sunday, with the requisite one on Thursday night and one on Monday night. As such, you can still send in your Thursday pick separately if you want, but there is no point in sending in Saturday picks separate from Sunday and Monday. As such, please just send in every post-Thursday game at once. Thanks.

Fear the schedule!

Thursday (can send in separately)

Houston at Indianapolis

Saturday & Everything Else (Please send in with Sunday & Monday picks)

Denver at Buffalo
Miami at New England
Cleveland at Baltimore
Jacksonville at Tennessee
Oakland at Kansas City
New York Giants at New York Jets
Minnesota at Washington
Tampa Bay at Carolina
Arizona at Cincinnati
St. Louis at Pittsburgh
San Diego at Detroit
Philadelphia at Dallas
San Francisco at Seattle
Chicago at Green Bay (Only Sunday Game)
Atlanta at New Orleans (plus total points)

Week 15: Results

I covered what a strange week this was in the Update on Sunday night. Suffice it to say STRANGE. That strangeness is reflected in our records. We haven't had as bad a week collectively since Week 10 when Bill Denton won with just 10 wins.

Anyway, it came down to both the Monday night game and then Monday Night Points. As you'll recall, if San Francisco won, which they did, then it would come down to John Weaver and Joey Bansen. John had the under and Joey the over (effectively) and because the final score was 20-3, this week's big wiener is John Weaver! Congratulations, John! You win ten hours of free babysitting by Bill Conlin!

OK, I've been informed that I've just been fired for that joke. 

Here are the results for Week 15:

1. John Weaver ... 11-5
1. Joey Bansen ... 11-5
3. Adam Roy ... 10-6
3. Bill Denton ... 10-6
3. Josh Money ... 10-6
3. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
7. Karl Vaillancourt ... 9-7
7. Matthew Kory ... 9-7
7. Jon Stover ... 9-7
10. Sandy Kory ... 8-8
10. Zack Klein ... 8-8
10. George Smith ... 8-8
10. Paddy Althoff ... 8-8
10. Matthew Mariam ... 8-8
10. Christine Roberts ... 8-8
16. Robin Wood ... 7-9
17. Ryan Schultz ... 6-10
18. Gedeon Mariam ... 5-11

You may see some similarities in the Week 15 results and the Current Overall Standings. For instance, John Weaver is in 1st in both of them. John actually picked up a game on Dave Labowitz who picked up a game on Karl Vailancourt. Josh Money also picked up a game on Karl and has now tied him for third place. After that, well, good fucking luck. Robin Wood, Joey Bansen, and Zack Klein are all within shouting if not striking distance. Other than that, we're all hoping for one or two more WSPs before calling it a year. 

Here are the Current Overall Standings...

1. John Weaver ... 154
2. Dave Labowitz ... 152
3. Josh Money ... 150
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 150
5. Robin Wood ... 145
5. Joey Bansen ... 145
7. Zack Klein ... 144
8. Christine Roberts ... 143
8. Matthew Kory ... 143
10. Bill Denton ... 139
10. Matthew Mariam ... 139
10. Ryan Schultz ... 139
13. George Smith ... 137
14. Paddy Althoff ... 136
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 135
16. Adam Roy ... 134
17. Sandy Kory ... 133
18. Jon Stover ... 130

The schedule for this week is weird because of Xmas. If you think you might forget to send in your picks, I suggest you just do it ASAP. You can always email me changes later if you want (though generally I discourage this because it 18 people making changes to their picks can be very confusing). Better bad picks than none.

Week 15: Update

What a weird freakin week.

In a week where the only undefeated team lost and the only totally defeated team won, well, let's say there was some odd shit going on. There were so many upsets that you'd think people's pick totals would be all over the map. But no. Oddly enough, everyone ended up in the same range. It seemed that no matter how many upsets you got right, it evened out over the 16 games because, while you might have nailed one or two, you picked three or four total and ate it on the others.

Nobody guessed that Green Bay would lose, which makes sense. I mean, Kansas City? They lost their best player in Week 1 or 2 (I can't remember), recently fired their head coach, and are on their (I think) eighth quarterback. So, sure, of course they'd beat the only undefeated team in the NFL. [smacks self in head]

On the other hand, Indianapolis, a team which as fallen apart like a Jenga stack in the hands of a four year old with a tremor, beat a Tennessee team which has been defined by, if nothing else, showing up for all their games. Not anymore. Of those two games, only one person picked one correctly.

So it was a weird week. Yet somehow, through the haze of upsets and strange outcomes, four people managed ten wins. Those four are Bill Denton, Adam Roy, John Weaver, and Joey Bansen. Everyone else in the entire Pool(poop!) had 9, 8 or 7 wins, with only one exception.

So it's going to come down to those four. And since they split the Monday night picks evenly -- Bill and Adam picked Pittsburgh to beat San Francisco on Monday Night, while John and Joey have San Fran -- it's going to come down to Monday Night Points (MNP)!

Here's how it'll break down. If Pittsburgh wins tonight and the total score...

... is from 0 up to 39, Adam Roy will win.
... is 40 or over, Bill Denton will win.

If San Francisco wins and the total score...

... is from 0 to 40, John Weaver will win.
... is 41 or over, Joey Bansen will win.

Tune in tomorrow night or Tuesday for the final results and the Current Overall Standings. We're getting down to the wire, peeps!

Week 15: Schedule

Irritatingly, this week features a Saturday game. If you want to, you may send your Saturday pick in separately, just like you do with the Thursday game. Of course, this will require a very bothersome three emails, so I leave it up to you. Send them separately or not. Just don't forget. I'll try to send out a reminder email but don't count on that happening.

Week 15 Schedule:

Thursday (8:20pm EST)
Jacksonville at Atlanta

Saturday (8:20pm EST)
Dallas at Tampa Bay

Sunday (1:00pm EST)
Cincinnati at St. Louis
Miami at Buffalo
Tennessee at Indianapolis
Washington at New York "Gortex" Giants
Seattle at Chicago
New Orleans at Minnesota
Carolina at Houston
Green Bay at Kansas City
Detroit at Oakland
New York Jets at Philadelphia
Cleveland at Arizona
New England at Denver
Baltimore at San Diego
Pittsburgh at San Francisco (plus total points)

Week 14: Results

My next door neighbor is a Dallas Cowboys fan. I'm a Redskisn fan. Our teams suck.

His house and mine are about ten feet apart and our kitchen windows face each other over my driveway. So in the morning, I can look out the kitchen window and see him looking out his. We usually wave and smile and go about our days. This weekend though, after my Redskins lost in one of the most respectable loses* of the season, his Cowboys were on Sunday night. I kept seeing him through the kitchen window wearing his Cowboys jersey, but he wasn't ever there for too long.


* Respectable loses? What the fuck is that shit? Just a few simple decades of losing and your outlook on your football team is destroyed.

I couldn't get his attention. So I got out a piece of paper and wrote "Your Cowboys Suck (But Not As Much As My Skins)" on it with the appropriate amount of underlining and exclamation points for emphasis and taped it to my window. I then went about my evening, forgetting the message. A bit later, after the Cowboys had lost in wonderfully excruciating fashion** I noticed a message taped to his window. It said, "Yup. We're both terrible. When is the draft?"

** Really, is there anything better than seeing Jerry Jones plastic face strain to show upset after his team blows a 10 point lead in the last five minutes to Eli Manning? Answer: no. No there is not.

So it's a sad state of affairs on my block. And yet none of that has shit to do with the Pool(poop!)! To the results!

You may recall through the haze of baby poop and screaming, George Smith had an epiphany last week. The Football Gods descended upon his house at 3am and told him who would win the games in Week 13. Dutifully George submitted his/their picks and, miracle of miracles, won the Weekly Standard Prize. But it's been on the news and in the papers, so we all know this. What we didn't know is George didn't submit a straight football gods only ballot last week. Nope, George substituted three of his picks for theirs. The result was a 13-3 record and an angry 3am lecture about this week's picks.

George didn't make the same mistake again. This week he submitted a straight football gods ballot with only one alteration. In George's defense though, if someone showed up at your house at 3am to tell you the Cardinals were going to beat the 49ers, would you believe them? 

Congratulations, George, on surely the most exciting news that you've heard in at least five minutes: you win this week's Weekly Standard Prize (WSP)!

Here are the results:

1. George Smith ... 14-2
2. Karl Vaillancourt ... 13-3
2. Joey Bansen ... 13-3
2. Matthew Kory ... 13-3
5. Dave Labowitz ... 12-4
5. Josh Money ... 12-4
5. Jon Stover ... 12-4
8. Ryan Schultz ... 11-5
8. Matthew Mariam ... 11-5
8. Gedeon Mariam ... 11-5
8. Christine Roberts ... 11-5
8. Zack Klein ... 11-5
13. Sandy Kory ... 10-6
13. Adam Roy ... 10-6
13. Robin Wood ... 10-6
16. John Weaver ... 9-7
17. Paddy Althoff ... 8-8
17. Bill Denton ... 8-8

Now a reminder. There are only three weeks left in Matty's Fifth Semi-Annual Football Pool(poop!)! That means, time to make a run at it, son. Remember, the top three finishers will win serious dough. Week 14 cut into John Weaver's lead big time, but he's still up there, desperately trying to hold off Dave Labowitz who is outside his house, beating down the door, naked, with a crowbar. Former leader Karl Vaillancourt has vaulted himself back into the top three and is now only two games behind Weaver for first place. Josh Money has been silently hanging around and is now only four games out of first.

After Mr. Money, it'll be hard to make a run at the top spot. That doesn't mean there aren't some outside shots at it.

Here are your Current Overall Standings (COS) through Week 14:

1. John Weaver ... 143
2. Dave Labowitz ... 142
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 141
4. Josh Money ... 140
5. Robin Wood ... 138
6. Zack Klein ... 136
7. Christine Roberts ... 135
8. Matthew Kory ... 134
8. Joey Bansen ... 134
10. Matthew Mariam ... 131
10. Ryan Schultz ... 131
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 130
13. George Smith ... 129
13. Bill Denton ... 129
15. Paddy Althoff ... 128
16. Adam Roy ... 126
17. Sandy Kory ... 125
18. Jon Stover ... 121

Back in a moment with YOUR Week 15 Schedule.

Week 14: Update

There will be no showdown this week.

There will be no suspense, certainly no anticipation, and firmly, absolutely, and definitely no fun. Nor will there be any money for you, unless your name is George Smith. Yes, it's true, for the second week in a row, Mr. Smith has not only won the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) but he's won it regardless of the outcome of the Monday night contest. Impressive stuff, George, impressive stuff indeed.

Back Monday or Tuesday night with the final results for Week 14 and your Week 15 Schedule.

Week 14: Schedule

Time to take those dirty undies off and put on some clean ones... It's the Week 14 Schedule!

Thursday:
Cleveland at Pittsburgh

Sunday & Monday:
Tampa Bay at Jacksonville
New Orleans at Tennessee
Philadelphia at Miami
Indianapolis at Baltimore
Houston at Cincinnati
Kansas City at New York Jets
New England at Washington
Atlanta at Carolina
Minnesota at Detroit
Chicago at Denver
San Francisco at Arizona
Buffalo at San Diego
Oakland at Green Bay
New York "F The Jets!" Giants at Dallas
St. Louis at Seattle (plus total points)

Week 13: Results

OK, Pool(poop!) Peeps, my bad. I admit, I totally forgot I was supposed to write this up today. I ran the numbers last night and somehow in preparation for this write-up and somehow that was enough for my teeny little brain to cross this out on the ol' mental To Do list. I'm a simple man. And by simple I mean stupid.

Anyway, we had an interesting one this week. First I should point out that, like I mentioned in the update, George Smith became a dad this past week. OK, technically it was his third child, but still. As you can see below, George is this week's Big Wiener. But, George wasn't the only one to have a child this week. Adam Roy became a dad as well when his wife had their first child. (Congratulations, Adam!) Because George has had children before he saw it coming and sent his picks in last Tuesday. Adam, being a rookie at this, never saw the truck that hit him and therefore didn't send in his picks at all.

So, that's your Week 13, peeps. Here's how it looks all lined up and such:

1. George Smith ... 13-3
2. Zack Klein ... 12-4
2. Karl Vaillancourt ... 12-4
2. Matthew Kory ... 12-4
5. John Weaver ... 11-5
5. Bill Denton ... 11-5
7. Josh Money ... 10-6
7. Christine Roberts ... 10-6
7. Robin Wood ... 10-6
7. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
7. Ryan Schultz ... 10-6
12. Jon Stover ... 9-7
12. Joey Bansen ... 9-7
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 9-7
15. Matthew Mariam ... 8-8
16. Sandy Kory ... 8-8
17. Paddy Althoff ... 5-11
18. Adam Roy ... 4-12

Turns out, Week 13 had just about no effect on the top of our leaderboard. John Weaver still leads the pack, now by 4 over Dave Labowitz. In fact, Robin Wood and Josh Money are still tied for 3rd, just as they were last week. The only difference is Karl Vaillancourt picked up two games and is now tied for 3rd as well. One more thing I'd like to point out is me. In Week 9 I was one game out of last place. Since then, I've moved up all the way to a tie for 8th. Impressive? Well, not really. But it's better than nothing I guess.

We've got four weeks left so if you're going on some sort of run, now is the time, my friends. Here's the Current Overall Standings (COS):

1. John Weaver ... 134
2. Dave Labowitz ... 130
3. Robin Wood ... 128
3. Josh Money ... 128
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 128
6. Zack Klein ... 125
7. Christine Roberts ... 124
8. Matthew Kory ... 121
8. Bill Denton ... 121
8. Joey Bansen ... 121
11. Matthew Mariam ... 120
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 119
13. Ryan Schultz ... 117
14. Sandy Kory ... 115
14. George Smith ... 115
16. Paddy Althoff ... 114
17. Adam Roy ... 112
18. Jon Stover ... 109

Have a great week.

Week 13: Update

There is still the Sunday night game left to go as I write this, but since everyone in the entire Pool(poop!) (somewhat surprisingly) picked New Orleans, the game won't affect the final standings. As such, with two games left to play, there are two people with 11 wins on the week. They are George Smith, who's wife, Katie, just had their third baby (CONGRATULATIONS, GEORGE!), and Karl Vaillancourt, who can get a baby for anyone who wants one because Karl knows people who knows people, knowwutameen? I kid. Karl won't sell you a baby (shhh!! yes he will!).

In any case, as I said, George and Karl both have 11 wins. There are two people with 10 wins, but since George and Karl picked different teams on Monday Night, one of them will end up with an uncatchable 12 wins.

So, Pool(poop!) Peeps, no Monday Night Points (MNP) this week. This one is easy. George picked San Diego and Karl picked Jacksonville. The one who is correct wins the Weekly Standard Prize. The one who is wrong wins the proverbial kick in the dick. Also a real kick in the dick. Best of luck to both!

Back Monday or Tuesday with the results and the schedule for Week 14.

Week 13: Schedule

This schedule is like a pie: delicious and fattening.

Send in all your picks at once or your Thursday pick before the Thursday game (8:20pm EST) and the rest of the picks before the start of Sunday's games (1pm EST).

Thursday:
Philadelphia at Seattle

Sunday & Monday: 
Oakland at Miami
Tennessee at Buffalo
Kansas City at Chicago
Denver at Minnesota
New York Jets at Washington
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
Atlanta at Houston
Carolina at Tampa Bay
Indianapolis at New England
Baltimore at Cleveland
Dallas at Arizona
Green Bay at New York "Gat-Toothed" Giants
St. Louis at San Francisco
Detroit at New Orleans
San Diego at Jacksonville (plus total points)

Week 12: Results

It's late and I'm tired so this is going to be a shorty. Week 12 closed with a bang as the Saints scored 712 points against something that used to be the Giants defense. It is no longer the Giants defense, it is now a reusable colostomy bag. Why? Because they got shat on again and again. Stay with me, people. 

The ridiculous number of points scored (actually it was 73 points) meant that everyone was under. Thus the one with the highest pick would win, and that was Josh Money. Congratulations, Josh! You win a reusable colostomy bag! Or the Weekly Standard Prize, which ever you prefer.

Here are the the final standings for Week 12.

1. Josh Money ... 14-2
1. Robin Wood ... 14-2
3. Christine Roberts ... 13-3
3. Matthew Kory ... 13-3
3. Gedeon Mariam ... 13-3
3. Dave Labowitz ... 13-3
7. Bill Denton ... 12-4
7. Paddy Althoff ... 12-4
7. Zack Klein ... 12-4
7. Joey Bansen ... 12-4
11. Jon Stover ... 11-5
11. Adam Roy ... 11-5
11. Sandy Kory ... 11-5
14. Ryan Schultz ... 10-6
14. Karl Vaillancourt ... 10-6
16. John Weaver ... 9-7
16. George Smith ... 9-7
18. Matthew Mariam ... 8-8

With five weeks to go, it's getting hot up in this piece. Better start making your moves, people. Time to make up some ground or go the heck home.  Remember, the top three overall finishers win dough. Right now, that would be Weaver, Labowitz, and then Wood and Money would split the third place share. But Karl Vaillancourt is just two wins back, Christine Roberts just four back, Zack Klein five back, Joey Bansen six and blah blah blah you get the point. This is anyone's Pool(poop!). But, you best grab it while you still can. Five more weeks remaining is all.

Week 12 lead to some tightening in the standings. For example, John Weaver's 7 game lead over the pack in general and Dave Labowitz in specific is now down to 3 games. Robin Wood and Josh Money (you'll find their names at the top of the Week 12 standings) have not surprisingly moved up the old ladder, now tying for third place.

Current Overall Standings (COS):

1. John Weaver ... 123
2. Dave Labowitz ... 120
3. Robin Wood ... 118
3. Josh Money ... 118
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 116
6. Christine Roberts ... 114
7. Zack Klein ... 113
8. Joey Bansen ... 112
8. Matthew Mariam ... 112
10. Bill Denton ... 110
10. Gedeon Mariam ... 110
12. Matthew Kory ... 109
13. Sandy Kory ... 107
14. Ryan Schultz ... 104
15. George Smith ... 102
16. Paddy Althoff ... 101
17. Jon Stover ... 100
18. Adam Roy ... 99

One final note, I'd like to congratulate Adam Roy who became a dad this past week. Congrats, man, and as one dad to another, that little jar of strained carrots tastes pretty much like it looks.  

Week 12: Update

Just got back from Seattle where I saw my Redskins blow their draft position to holy hell with my brother. I've never met a nicer group of fans though. I actually high-fived a Seahawks fan after a Redskins touchdown. I wasn't trying to be a dick, he held his hand up, asking me to.

In the alcohol-and-victory induced haze of the afternoon (not to mention wet undergarmets which don't increase productivity at all) I didn't get to follow the Pool(poop!) during the day. As such, it was quite a surprise to come back home, throw everything up on ye olde spreadsheet at once, and see how the numbers fell.

First I should say we all did a fucking crazy amazing job. There isn't a group of NFL analysts working who did better this week. And yet we all can't have candy, can we?

With one game to go, five people have twelve wins on the week. But that doesn't really matter because two people have 13 wins. The two buzz-kills in question are Josh Money and Robin Wood who have 13 out of 15 nailed.

But, both Josh and Robin picked New Orleans tomorrow, which opens the hole to any of the 12 win people to tie them by picking (correctly) the New York "Public Toilet" Giants to win. The only one of the five to take up the challenge was Joey Bansen.

Here's how it breaks down for the Monday night game which will decide this week's Big Wiener (BW).

If the Giants win and the total score is...
... 41 or less, Joey Bansen wins.
... between 42 and 51, Robin Wood wins.
... 52 or higher, Josh Money wins.

If the Saints win and the total score is...
... 51 or less, Robin Wood wins.
... 52 or higher, Josh Money wins.

Back tomorrow or Tuesday with the results!

Week 12: Schedule

Happy Turkey Day! I'll need all your Thursday picks by the start of the first game Thursday. The rest of the picks are needed by 1pm EST on Sunday.

Thursday Games (12:30pm EST):

Green Bay at Detroit
Miami at Dallas
San Francisco at Baltimore

Sunday Games (1pm EST):

Minnesota at Atlanta
Carolina at Indianapolis
Cleveland at Cincinnati
Buffalo at New York Jets
Tampa Bay at Tennessee
Arizona at St. Louis
Houston at Jacksonville
Washington at Seattle
Chicago at Oakland
New England at Philadelphia
Denver at San Diego
Pittsburgh at Kansas City
New York "Hidey Ho!" Giants at New Orleans (plus total points)

Week 11: Results

Like a drunk camper fondling a sleeping bear, we're getting up against it. There are six weeks left in this, your gloriously moist NFL season.

This week was probably the most successful week we've had in the Pool(poop!)! so far. Fifteen of you won ten or more games and eight won eleven or more. Sheer craziness. My brother, Sandy, almost became the first to have an undefeated week this year. Humorously enough, he missed the Thursday night game and then won the next 13 in a row. That, as I noted in the update, makes him this week's Big Wiener! As the anointed Big Wiener, he wins a no expenses paid trip to Seattle with yours truly to see the Redskins play the Seahawks, where he'll certainly be physically threatened and urinated upon. If he's lucky. And that's just by me.

Actually, Sandy really does win that prize, but by league rules he's also required to win the Weekly Standard Prize as well. Darn rules.

Here are your Week 11 final standings:

1. Sandy Kory ... 13-1
2. Robin Wood ... 12-2
2. Matthew Mariam ... 12-2
4. Bill Denton ... 11-3
4. Josh Money ... 11-3
4. Karl Vaillancourt ... 11-3
4. John Weaver .. 11-3
4. Paddy Althoff ... 11-3
9. Joey Bansen ... 10-4
9. Jon Stover ... 10-4
9. Adam Roy ... 10-4
9. Christine Roberts ... 10-4
9. Matthew Kory ... 10-4
9. Gedeon Mariam ... 10-4
9. George Smith ... 10-4
16. Dave Labowitz ... 9-5
17. Zack Klein ... 8-6
17. Ryan Schultz ... 8-6

The Current Overall Standings (COS) are getting worse and worse for anyone whose name doesn't rhyme with Ron Beaver. Mr. Beaver, er, Weaver has increased his lead over Dave "Dollars" Labowitz (true story: get Bill Denton drunk on Bud some night and he'll tell you. twice.) from five to seven games. A seven game lead over the pack with six weeks go? That's INSANE (read like a 2am used car ad). Dave's hold on second place is slipping as well, from 3 games to a single game over Karl Vaillancourt. In fact, the difference between seventh place and second is the same as the one between second and first. As I said, good for Ron Beaver, not so good for the rest of us dirty whores.

Here are YOUR COS:

1. John Weaver ...114
2. Dave Labowitz ... 107
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 106
4. Robin Wood ... 104
4. Josh Money ... 104
4. Matthew Mariam ... 104
7. Christine Roberts ... 101
7. Zack Klein ... 101
9. Joey Bansen ... 100
10. Bill Denton ... 98
11. Gedeon Mariam ... 97
12. Sandy Kory ... 96
12. Matthew Kory ... 96
14. Ryan Schultz ... 95
15. George Smith ... 93
16. Paddy Althoff ... 92
17. Adam Roy ... 90
18. Jon Stover ... 89

Don't forget: three games this Thursday. I'll need all those picks by the start of the day. You ain't got no time, son. Send that shit too-dey.

Week 11: Update

After the ridiculous Denver game which three of you bastards inexplicably got right, well, I had fell back on the old 'you can't predict football' maxim. Turns out, actually, you can.

Collectively we all kicked some buttooty this week. But as we all know, there can be only one Zool. Of the 13 game that have been played in Week 11, my brother Sandy has won 12. The next best are Matthew Mariam and Robin Wood with 11 wins each. 11 out of 13 is pretty damn impressive, but this week it nets you jack and shit.

Normally, there would be a shot at catching Sandy, but since the Monday night match up is another turdfest of a game, everyone picked New England. And with good reason. Thus, nobody can catch Sandy and, as such, he is this week's big wiener. Yay.

Back tomorrow or Tuesday with the Current Overall Standings and the wrap up for Week 11.

Remember, folks, there are two three games on Turkey Day this year, so DON'T FORGET TO SEND IN YOUR PICKS!!