Week 5: Update: Now with More Numbers!

So I was going through the picks and I came across someone who picked St. Louis to beat Minnesota. To quote a great American, what an ultra maroon! I mean, really, are you just trying to lose? Does finishing in last place sound like fun? Seriously, what kind of idiot... ...what? It was me? Oh, right. Shit.

All you f'ers don't have a shot at last place. It's mine, you hear me? Mine! Get back in there! Down down down! Go go go! Mine mine mine! You can't compete with stupidity like... enough? OK, moving on.

We'll get to the pool update in a minute, but I thought it might be interesting to hear how everyone picked this week's games. Let me know in the comments section if you find crap like this interesting and maybe I'll keep doing it (bolded = winner).

100% Correct (Nobody picked these games incorrectly (even me))
*Pittsburgh at Detroit
*Dallas at Kansas City
*Oakland at NY "Titillating" Giants
*Tampa at Philadelphia

93% Correct (Only one idiot blew this one... guess who)
*Minnesota at St. Louis

87% Correct (You're trying too hard if you missed either of these)
*Washington at Carolina
*Indianapolis at Tennessee

73% Correct
*Houston at Arizona

60% Correct
Atlanta at San Francisco

47% Correct
Jacksonville at Seattle

27% Correct
New England at Denver

7% Correct (If you got this one, you're an rocket f'n scientist)
*Cincinnati at Baltimore

0% Correct (Not one of us houseplants got this one right)
*Cleveland at Buffalo

Usually in the weekly update I tell you that eight people are tied and it's going to come down to Monday Night Points (MNP). No such excitement this week, folks. Nope, we've already got a winner and ain't none of you is gonna catch him.

Who is he? Who is this masked man who swoops in before the Monday Night Game, steals the WSP, makes out with your wife, kisses your cat on the lips, leaves the orange juice open on the counter after drinking out of the container, and then busts through the window on his way out even though the door works perfectly well?

Tune in tomorrow to find out...