Week 15: Update

What a weird freakin week.

In a week where the only undefeated team lost and the only totally defeated team won, well, let's say there was some odd shit going on. There were so many upsets that you'd think people's pick totals would be all over the map. But no. Oddly enough, everyone ended up in the same range. It seemed that no matter how many upsets you got right, it evened out over the 16 games because, while you might have nailed one or two, you picked three or four total and ate it on the others.

Nobody guessed that Green Bay would lose, which makes sense. I mean, Kansas City? They lost their best player in Week 1 or 2 (I can't remember), recently fired their head coach, and are on their (I think) eighth quarterback. So, sure, of course they'd beat the only undefeated team in the NFL. [smacks self in head]

On the other hand, Indianapolis, a team which as fallen apart like a Jenga stack in the hands of a four year old with a tremor, beat a Tennessee team which has been defined by, if nothing else, showing up for all their games. Not anymore. Of those two games, only one person picked one correctly.

So it was a weird week. Yet somehow, through the haze of upsets and strange outcomes, four people managed ten wins. Those four are Bill Denton, Adam Roy, John Weaver, and Joey Bansen. Everyone else in the entire Pool(poop!) had 9, 8 or 7 wins, with only one exception.

So it's going to come down to those four. And since they split the Monday night picks evenly -- Bill and Adam picked Pittsburgh to beat San Francisco on Monday Night, while John and Joey have San Fran -- it's going to come down to Monday Night Points (MNP)!

Here's how it'll break down. If Pittsburgh wins tonight and the total score...

... is from 0 up to 39, Adam Roy will win.
... is 40 or over, Bill Denton will win.

If San Francisco wins and the total score...

... is from 0 to 40, John Weaver will win.
... is 41 or over, Joey Bansen will win.

Tune in tomorrow night or Tuesday for the final results and the Current Overall Standings. We're getting down to the wire, peeps!

Week 15: Schedule

Irritatingly, this week features a Saturday game. If you want to, you may send your Saturday pick in separately, just like you do with the Thursday game. Of course, this will require a very bothersome three emails, so I leave it up to you. Send them separately or not. Just don't forget. I'll try to send out a reminder email but don't count on that happening.

Week 15 Schedule:

Thursday (8:20pm EST)
Jacksonville at Atlanta

Saturday (8:20pm EST)
Dallas at Tampa Bay

Sunday (1:00pm EST)
Cincinnati at St. Louis
Miami at Buffalo
Tennessee at Indianapolis
Washington at New York "Gortex" Giants
Seattle at Chicago
New Orleans at Minnesota
Carolina at Houston
Green Bay at Kansas City
Detroit at Oakland
New York Jets at Philadelphia
Cleveland at Arizona
New England at Denver
Baltimore at San Diego
Pittsburgh at San Francisco (plus total points)

Week 14: Results

My next door neighbor is a Dallas Cowboys fan. I'm a Redskisn fan. Our teams suck.

His house and mine are about ten feet apart and our kitchen windows face each other over my driveway. So in the morning, I can look out the kitchen window and see him looking out his. We usually wave and smile and go about our days. This weekend though, after my Redskins lost in one of the most respectable loses* of the season, his Cowboys were on Sunday night. I kept seeing him through the kitchen window wearing his Cowboys jersey, but he wasn't ever there for too long.


* Respectable loses? What the fuck is that shit? Just a few simple decades of losing and your outlook on your football team is destroyed.

I couldn't get his attention. So I got out a piece of paper and wrote "Your Cowboys Suck (But Not As Much As My Skins)" on it with the appropriate amount of underlining and exclamation points for emphasis and taped it to my window. I then went about my evening, forgetting the message. A bit later, after the Cowboys had lost in wonderfully excruciating fashion** I noticed a message taped to his window. It said, "Yup. We're both terrible. When is the draft?"

** Really, is there anything better than seeing Jerry Jones plastic face strain to show upset after his team blows a 10 point lead in the last five minutes to Eli Manning? Answer: no. No there is not.

So it's a sad state of affairs on my block. And yet none of that has shit to do with the Pool(poop!)! To the results!

You may recall through the haze of baby poop and screaming, George Smith had an epiphany last week. The Football Gods descended upon his house at 3am and told him who would win the games in Week 13. Dutifully George submitted his/their picks and, miracle of miracles, won the Weekly Standard Prize. But it's been on the news and in the papers, so we all know this. What we didn't know is George didn't submit a straight football gods only ballot last week. Nope, George substituted three of his picks for theirs. The result was a 13-3 record and an angry 3am lecture about this week's picks.

George didn't make the same mistake again. This week he submitted a straight football gods ballot with only one alteration. In George's defense though, if someone showed up at your house at 3am to tell you the Cardinals were going to beat the 49ers, would you believe them? 

Congratulations, George, on surely the most exciting news that you've heard in at least five minutes: you win this week's Weekly Standard Prize (WSP)!

Here are the results:

1. George Smith ... 14-2
2. Karl Vaillancourt ... 13-3
2. Joey Bansen ... 13-3
2. Matthew Kory ... 13-3
5. Dave Labowitz ... 12-4
5. Josh Money ... 12-4
5. Jon Stover ... 12-4
8. Ryan Schultz ... 11-5
8. Matthew Mariam ... 11-5
8. Gedeon Mariam ... 11-5
8. Christine Roberts ... 11-5
8. Zack Klein ... 11-5
13. Sandy Kory ... 10-6
13. Adam Roy ... 10-6
13. Robin Wood ... 10-6
16. John Weaver ... 9-7
17. Paddy Althoff ... 8-8
17. Bill Denton ... 8-8

Now a reminder. There are only three weeks left in Matty's Fifth Semi-Annual Football Pool(poop!)! That means, time to make a run at it, son. Remember, the top three finishers will win serious dough. Week 14 cut into John Weaver's lead big time, but he's still up there, desperately trying to hold off Dave Labowitz who is outside his house, beating down the door, naked, with a crowbar. Former leader Karl Vaillancourt has vaulted himself back into the top three and is now only two games behind Weaver for first place. Josh Money has been silently hanging around and is now only four games out of first.

After Mr. Money, it'll be hard to make a run at the top spot. That doesn't mean there aren't some outside shots at it.

Here are your Current Overall Standings (COS) through Week 14:

1. John Weaver ... 143
2. Dave Labowitz ... 142
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 141
4. Josh Money ... 140
5. Robin Wood ... 138
6. Zack Klein ... 136
7. Christine Roberts ... 135
8. Matthew Kory ... 134
8. Joey Bansen ... 134
10. Matthew Mariam ... 131
10. Ryan Schultz ... 131
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 130
13. George Smith ... 129
13. Bill Denton ... 129
15. Paddy Althoff ... 128
16. Adam Roy ... 126
17. Sandy Kory ... 125
18. Jon Stover ... 121

Back in a moment with YOUR Week 15 Schedule.

Week 14: Update

There will be no showdown this week.

There will be no suspense, certainly no anticipation, and firmly, absolutely, and definitely no fun. Nor will there be any money for you, unless your name is George Smith. Yes, it's true, for the second week in a row, Mr. Smith has not only won the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) but he's won it regardless of the outcome of the Monday night contest. Impressive stuff, George, impressive stuff indeed.

Back Monday or Tuesday night with the final results for Week 14 and your Week 15 Schedule.

Week 14: Schedule

Time to take those dirty undies off and put on some clean ones... It's the Week 14 Schedule!

Thursday:
Cleveland at Pittsburgh

Sunday & Monday:
Tampa Bay at Jacksonville
New Orleans at Tennessee
Philadelphia at Miami
Indianapolis at Baltimore
Houston at Cincinnati
Kansas City at New York Jets
New England at Washington
Atlanta at Carolina
Minnesota at Detroit
Chicago at Denver
San Francisco at Arizona
Buffalo at San Diego
Oakland at Green Bay
New York "F The Jets!" Giants at Dallas
St. Louis at Seattle (plus total points)

Week 13: Results

OK, Pool(poop!) Peeps, my bad. I admit, I totally forgot I was supposed to write this up today. I ran the numbers last night and somehow in preparation for this write-up and somehow that was enough for my teeny little brain to cross this out on the ol' mental To Do list. I'm a simple man. And by simple I mean stupid.

Anyway, we had an interesting one this week. First I should point out that, like I mentioned in the update, George Smith became a dad this past week. OK, technically it was his third child, but still. As you can see below, George is this week's Big Wiener. But, George wasn't the only one to have a child this week. Adam Roy became a dad as well when his wife had their first child. (Congratulations, Adam!) Because George has had children before he saw it coming and sent his picks in last Tuesday. Adam, being a rookie at this, never saw the truck that hit him and therefore didn't send in his picks at all.

So, that's your Week 13, peeps. Here's how it looks all lined up and such:

1. George Smith ... 13-3
2. Zack Klein ... 12-4
2. Karl Vaillancourt ... 12-4
2. Matthew Kory ... 12-4
5. John Weaver ... 11-5
5. Bill Denton ... 11-5
7. Josh Money ... 10-6
7. Christine Roberts ... 10-6
7. Robin Wood ... 10-6
7. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
7. Ryan Schultz ... 10-6
12. Jon Stover ... 9-7
12. Joey Bansen ... 9-7
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 9-7
15. Matthew Mariam ... 8-8
16. Sandy Kory ... 8-8
17. Paddy Althoff ... 5-11
18. Adam Roy ... 4-12

Turns out, Week 13 had just about no effect on the top of our leaderboard. John Weaver still leads the pack, now by 4 over Dave Labowitz. In fact, Robin Wood and Josh Money are still tied for 3rd, just as they were last week. The only difference is Karl Vaillancourt picked up two games and is now tied for 3rd as well. One more thing I'd like to point out is me. In Week 9 I was one game out of last place. Since then, I've moved up all the way to a tie for 8th. Impressive? Well, not really. But it's better than nothing I guess.

We've got four weeks left so if you're going on some sort of run, now is the time, my friends. Here's the Current Overall Standings (COS):

1. John Weaver ... 134
2. Dave Labowitz ... 130
3. Robin Wood ... 128
3. Josh Money ... 128
3. Karl Vaillancourt ... 128
6. Zack Klein ... 125
7. Christine Roberts ... 124
8. Matthew Kory ... 121
8. Bill Denton ... 121
8. Joey Bansen ... 121
11. Matthew Mariam ... 120
12. Gedeon Mariam ... 119
13. Ryan Schultz ... 117
14. Sandy Kory ... 115
14. George Smith ... 115
16. Paddy Althoff ... 114
17. Adam Roy ... 112
18. Jon Stover ... 109

Have a great week.

Week 13: Update

There is still the Sunday night game left to go as I write this, but since everyone in the entire Pool(poop!) (somewhat surprisingly) picked New Orleans, the game won't affect the final standings. As such, with two games left to play, there are two people with 11 wins on the week. They are George Smith, who's wife, Katie, just had their third baby (CONGRATULATIONS, GEORGE!), and Karl Vaillancourt, who can get a baby for anyone who wants one because Karl knows people who knows people, knowwutameen? I kid. Karl won't sell you a baby (shhh!! yes he will!).

In any case, as I said, George and Karl both have 11 wins. There are two people with 10 wins, but since George and Karl picked different teams on Monday Night, one of them will end up with an uncatchable 12 wins.

So, Pool(poop!) Peeps, no Monday Night Points (MNP) this week. This one is easy. George picked San Diego and Karl picked Jacksonville. The one who is correct wins the Weekly Standard Prize. The one who is wrong wins the proverbial kick in the dick. Also a real kick in the dick. Best of luck to both!

Back Monday or Tuesday with the results and the schedule for Week 14.