Week 13: Results

As I write this it is the 3rd quarter and the Patriots are beating the Jets by 35 now 42 points.  So I'm calling this one. 

As the Pats are winners that means Matthew Mariam and indeed the rest of the pool(poop!) can't catch George Smith this week.  He's uncatchable that George Smith!  That's what I've always said. 

So, congratulations, George, on being this week's big wiener (that probably should be capitalized - I'll get to it next week)!  As the Big Wiener (there it is), you win Albert Haynesworth!  Not a bobblehead, not a fathead, not a football card, no, you win the actual Albert Haynesworth.  He'll be showing up at your door in 8-10 business days.  I'd have some food ready.

No, sadly, you win the Weekly Standard Prize (WSP) of whateverthehellitis.  May I suggest you spend at least part of it on an Adrian Gonzalez t-shirt.  Or if those aren't available you could probably double your money in Vegas. 

Without further ado, here's the final standings for Week 13:

1. George Smith ... 13-3
2. Matthew Kory ... 12-4
2. Robin Wood ... 12-4
2. Zack Klein ... 12-4
2. Bill Denton ... 12-4
6. Matthew Mariam ... 11-5
6. Joey Bansen ... 11-5
6. Dave Labowitz ... 11-5
6. Karl Vaillancourt ... 11-5
10. Josh Money ... 10-6
10. Gedeon Mariam ... 10-6
10. Jon Stover ... 10-6
13. Sandy Kory ... 9-7
13. Alex Mena ... 9-7
13. John Weaver ... 9-7

The Current Overall Standings are are getting pretty interesting up in this piece. We went from getting schooled by John Weaver to nobody being more than ten games out of first place. Also, we have a three way tie for first place between Zack Klein, John Weaver and ... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sigh*

Dave Labowitz.

*silent weeping*

After the top three, or as I like to call them Kleavowitz, my brother Sandy, George and Karl are all within striking distance.  But really, there isn't a single person in the pool(poop!) who is out of contention.  Just put together a couple great weeks and the pool(poop!) is yours for the taking.  Its shaping up to be quite a finish.

Here are the COS through Week 13:

1. Zack Klein ... 121-71
1. John Weaver ... 121-71
1. Dave Labowitz ... 121-71
4. Sandy Kory ... 119-73
5. George Smith ... 118-74
5. Karl Vaillancourt ... 118-74
7. Jon Stover ... 117-75
7. Josh Money ... 117-75
7. Bill Denton ... 117-75
7. Matthew Kory ... 117-75
11. Alex Mena ... 116-76
11. Robin Wood ... 116-76
13. Matthew Mariam ... 115-77
14. Joey Bansen ... 114-78
15. Gedeon Mariam ... 111-81

The schedule for Week 14 will be up shortly.  Have a great week, everyone.
.

Week 13: Update

Another week, another gray hair.  Being a parent of twins will do that to you, I guess.  But not as much as being a fan of the f'n Redskins.  Holy turds on a stick do they suck poop out of a dead badger's bottom hole.  31-7?  Over the last four weeks they're 1-3 and have been outscored by 55 total points.  I hate them.  And yet I'm still wearing my Redskins hat, my Redskins shirt, and my glow-in-the-dark Redskins nipple rings (the ones with little Dan Snyder faces - I threw out my Vinny Cerrato pair).

TO THE F'N POOL(POOP!!!)!!!

This week things are pretty straight forward.  Despite the fact that five people (including yours truly) have 11 wins on the week, there is one man who rises above us all.  When nobody else could manage it, only one man came in with 12 wins:

Dave Labowitz! 

No, just kidding, its George Smith.   George has 12 wins on the week and as such he's a game up on the five 11 game winners.  The only way this even gets to Monday Night Points (MNP) is if George loses on Monday Night and if at least one of the five 11 game winners correctly picked the winner. 

Lets get to specifics.  George picked New England, as did most everyone in the pool.  But not everyone.  One of the five eleven game winners (not me) did pick the Pats opponent, the J-E-T-S JERKS JERKS JERKS (Jets fans can't spell).  That would be Dave Labowitz.

No, kidding again.  Its Matthew Mariam.

So here's how it breaks down.  Pats win, George wins.  If the Jets win, things get more interesting.  A Jets win would give both George and Matthew 12 wins in which case it'll come down to Monday Night Points.  George has 35 and Matthew has 37 so, as we play by Price is Right rules here, if the total points is between 0 and 36, George will still take home the WSP.  If its 37 or more, Matthew will sneak in the backdoor and snag the WSP out of George's hands.

That's how things stand as of Sunday night.  Tune in tomorrow for the results from Week 13. 
.

Week 13: Schedule

Here is your Week 13 schedule.  Don't forget to get at least your Thursday night pick to me by 8:20pm EST.  The rest of your picks are due on Sunday at 1pm EST.


Thursday Night

Houston at Philadelphia

Sunday & Monday

New Orleans at Cincinnati
Cleveland at Miami
Jacksonville at Tennessee
Washington at New York "Cat Vagina" Giants
San Francisco at Green Bay
Chicago at Detroit
Denver at Kansas City
Buffalo at Minnesota
Oakland at San Diego
Atlanta at Tampa Bay
Carolina at Seattle
St. Louis at Arizona
Dallas at Indianapolis
Pittsburgh at Baltimore
New York Jets at New England (plus total points)
.

Week 13: Results

Its a banner day, folks. In three years of being in this pool, Jon Stover has never, never, never (that's "never") won a WSP. OK, yes, he did split one with Matthew Mariam in Week 8, but that's as far as he's got. Well dry your teams, Jon, because you're this week's big wiener!

With Green Bay's win last night, Jon Stover wins this week outright. No wussy MNP for him. He did it the old fashioned way: he beat up a senior citizen, stole it, then ran away.

Congrats, Jon. I believe you're only down $4,308.17 now. Good luck winning that all back.

Here are the final standings for Week 13:

1. Jon Stover ... 13-3
2. Alex Mena ... 12-4
2. Josh Money ... 12-4
4. Adam Roy ... 11-5
4. Joey Bansen ... 11-5
4. Karl Vaillancourt ... 11-5
7. George Smith ... 10-6
7. Bill Denton ... 10-6
7. Sandy Kory ... 10-6
7. Dave Labowitz ... 10-6
7. Gedeon Mariam ... 10-6
12. Dan Sinclair ... 9-7
12. Matthew Mariam ... 9-7
14. John Weaver ... 8-8
15. Zack Klein ... 7-9
16. Matthew Kory ... 6-10

We've got four more weeks, folks, and we've got some turnover at the top. But before we get to that, it has been brought to my attention that I haven't been clear about how the prize money will be distributed in the case of a tie for either first, second, or third in the final standings. I'm going to put a post up about that after the schedule for Week 14 is posted, so sometime within the next few days. Please refer to that if you have any questions, and as always, feel free to email me if things aren't clear. (It may be slightly technical, so feel free to ignore it if you like.)

Back to the pool(poop!)! So, where was I? Ah! Turn over at the top. You may recall that the top of last week's standings looked like this:

Standings after Week 12 (!not current!):

1. Joey Bansen ... 124
2. Dave Labowitz ... 123
2. Jon Stover ... 123
2. Bill Denton ... 123
2. Gedeon Mariam ... 123
6. John Weaver ... 121

Well, things have changed since then. Were things were muddled, now we have clarity. Where things were tied, now we have... uh... untied. (I was an English major!)

For the first time in a while we've got a clear #1 and #2. After that there is a race for third place between three people. And after that, well, Adam Roy is making a serious charge over these last few weeks. Something could come of it if he keeps it up, but it's gonna be tough. Josh Money is in the running as much as Adam, but both of them are 7 games back. Poor John Weaver has dropped from three games back to seven games back. (Ouch!) So he's in the same boat as Josh and Adam.

Here's the craziness (a.k.a the Current Overall Standings (COS)):

1. Jon Stover ... 136
2. Joey Bansen ... 135
3. Bill Denton ... 133
3. Gedeon Mariam ... 133
3. Dave Labowitz ... 133
6. Adam Roy ... 129
6. Josh Money ... 129
6. John Weaver ... 129
9. Karl Vaillancourt ... 127
9. Matthew Mariam ... 127
11. Dan Sinclair ... 125
12. George Smith ... 124
13. Zack Klein ... 122
14. Alex Mena ... 121
15. Sandy Kory ... 112
16. Matthew Kory ... 111

The schedule for Week 14 to come (again, another irritating Thursday night game, so I'll need your picks before then), along with the explanation of ties in the final standings.

Have a great week everyone, and congratulations to Jon.
.

Week 13: Update

One more game to go in this week of our NFL season and we've got some serious turnover at the top. Howdy, folks. Hope your weekend wasn't as gut-wrenching as mine (thanks Redskins). Here at your beloved Pool(poop!) Headquarters (P(p!)Hq), its chaos, anarchy, bedlam, discord, a free-for-all, a holy mess, and a bunch of other synonyms for chaos that I found on reference.com. Ah... the series of tubes we call the internet. Thank you, Al Gore. Thank you.

Here is where we stand right now. Only one person managed more than 11 wins so far and that would be The Holy Reverend Jonald D. "Ol' Stinky Horseybottoms" Stover, IV Esq. with his 12. That puts Ol' Stinky Horseybottoms in sole possession of first place one game ahead of Adam "I Really Need The Money" Roy, Josh "I Really Am The Money" Money, and Alex "No Fancypants Nickname Here" Mena who all have 11.

[By the way, just in case you are wondering, "Hmmm... I know winning is important and all, but I sure am curious if anyone shat the bed so spectacularly this week that they are, oh, say seven games behind Ol' Stinky Horseybottoms and at least two games behind everyone else..." Well, funny you should wonder, because the answer is, amazingly, yes. Friends, I lay claim to that honor. And by 'honor' I mean 'sucking hard.' Real, real hard.]

To tie Reverend Horseybottoms, any one of the 11 Win Triumvirate (11WT) will have to catch him tonight and beat him on Monday Night Points. Sadly for Josh and Alex, Jon picked Green Bay over Baltimore tonight, and so did they, thus making it mathematically impossible for them to catch him. Of the 11WT, only Adam Roy picked Baltimore, meaning...

Adam Roy is our only hope.

Jon picked 41 MNP. Adam picked 42 MNP. This one's easy. So, here's how it works tonight. If Baltimore wins tonight, and the final score totals 42 or more, Adam wins. Any other scenario and Jon wins.

Best of luck to neither of you bastards.

Back tomorrow with more tales from the crypt the final standings for Week 13 and Week 14's schedule.
.

Week 13: Schedule

Here is the schedule for Week 13. The week begins this Thursday, December 3 at 8:20 pm EST. I'll need all of your picks by then.

New York Jets at Toronto/Buffalo
St. Louis at Chicago
New England at Miami
Philadelphia at Atlanta
New Orleans at Washington
Tennessee at Indianapolis
Oakland at Pittsburgh
Denver at Kansas City
Tampa Bay at Carolina
Detroit at Cincinnati
Houston at Jacksonville
San Diego at Cleveland
Dallas at New York "Software Developing" Giants
San Francisco at Seattle
Minnesota at Arizona
Baltimore at Green Bay (total points)
.